Boomy, with me.
El-Jefe beckoned me like an evil hatstand and started walking toward one of the nearby meeting pods.
I rolled my eyes. I wasn't in the mood for this today. I had millions to do and the idea of comforting an oversized, insecure pillowcase full of lard about their place in the world was not high on my list of priorities.
Oh well.
I gritted my teeth the way Stormy Daniels would when deciding to go for "dinner" in a hotel room with the sex Yeti that was the then President of the United States and stood up to follow the giant Sea-Cow that was my boss.
Sit, sit.
Upon entering the meeting pod and closing the door, the Heffalump waved me to a chair.
Sup honky?
I tried to keep things on the down low despite El-Jefe's jittery nervousness.
This isn't a formal meeting.
He fixed me with his best serious gaze, his eyes wobbling slightly like two marbles in a panacotta.
Erm, ok...
I gave him a hint of stink eye so that he knew there was zero chance of me dropping some loose change on the floor and then sucking him off by accident when I went down to find it.
It's just me and you, mano-el-mano so to speak.
El-Jefe snorted through his nose like a prize bull spying a red velvet cake.
What are you on about shoobshoob?
I drew him a hard look. Something seemed off and I didn't like it one tiny bit.
El-Jefe twitched nervously, scanning the room as if expecting ninjas to leap in and start throwing shuriken everywhere.
There is a lot of noise. Lot of talk. Lot of... people saying things... rumours.
He put a finger to his lips and got up to check the door was fully closed before waddling back to his seat.
Look, you know the talk about budgets lately. There is no money. No money anywhere. There is talk of cuts coming. Big cuts... Deeeeeeeep deeeeeep cuts.
He over-emphasised the eep'ing like a reversing garbage truck.
What's new, this place is always flapping about no money.
I shook my head at his foolish worrying.
No no. This is worse. There is no budget. They are going to get rid of the dead wood.
He screeched, his expression taking on a desperate air.
A hint of a smile danced on my face, the dead wood eh?
I looked at El-Jefe pityingly.
Then I noticed that he was looking at me pityingly.
Hey, what the fuck? Why are you looking at me like that?
I stopped leaning back in my chair which till that moment had been the greatest joy of the day and furrowed my brow accusingly at El-Jefe.
He looked back at me and tilted his head slightly to the side in that I'm sorry to tell you that your partner died policeman kind of way.
Wait, are you fucking serious? Are you feeling sorry for me because you think I might be the "dead wood" at risk?!
I barked at the Heffermich as if I was a camp warden suspecting there was contraband in the barracks.
El-Jefe looked pitying and smug at the same time which made him resemble an unearthed potato lying in the Autumn rain.
Well, you know...
He sighed ruefully as if losing his wingman might be the hardest thing he had ever had to bear.
Are you mental? I do all your work and you just swan about all day trying to chat up the Romanian cleaner woman. I have got news for you mate, she isn't shagging you. No matter how many times you tell her you drive a fucking Passat.
I waved a hand around the ninja-less meeting pod.
Further to that esteemed boss man, there might be dead wood in this room but it ain't me.
I stood up and headed toward the door.
Huh? What? You mean me? Me? Me... oh god, what me? Seriously?
All colour drained from El-Jefe's face and he reeled back in his chair wobbling with new found horror.
I turned and winked before leaving the room.
Enjoy your day big guy.
I thought when he said "dead wood" you were going to tell him that you knew you were safe then, because your wood was still quite alive. LOLOLOLOL !!!
Now... do HIS bosses know who is actually doing the work?
I wonder where the money is going for all the work ya'll are putting out. I bet SOMEBODY has some money somewhere.
I hope it really isn't you, unless they give a great severance package and you are tired of working there. :)
Hhahhahah this would have been classic boomy but alas he missed the opportunity or is just keeping us on our toes !LOL
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Thats a very good point as I do a lot of his stuff and it wouldn't surprise me if he was passing everything off as being done by himself.
The only good thing is that I am quite a chatty chap and I have worked directly for some of his bosses and know that they think he is a doofus. Especially when they come direct to me for answers on things.
Still doesn't explain him keeping his job so far tho!
We are spaffing all our money to offshore partners. Its the new UK thing. Why have staff when you can offshore it for peanuts. Then they wonder why everything is going to shit!
Although there are many jokes throughout about bosses that are doofusses, it is weird once in a while when one actually is and you end up wondering, like you said, how they are there. I often think maybe they are quietly kin to someone or someone owes them a favor from very long ago ..... or they know something bad on someone higher. You just never know. Maybe they are just saving in incase they ever need a scapegoat. LOL !
About the offshore partners, some years back our national company acquired another company overseas and I wondered just how long before our positions went over there. I know I can barely understand our IT folks now when I have to call them for something. They did a spin off of that same company in the last year or two and my job is still here. I still would never be surprised really if one of those special meetings were called and we were all unemployed at the end of it. I'm actually surprised it hasn't happened before, happy, but surprised.
I think time has a lot to do with it. I have been in the same place for ages and I remember starting out with some people at the same time and at least two of them were utter plums. One of them insisted on going for every promotion opportunity he could get and he kept failing. But eventually by not leaving he ended up getting the jobs he was going for and is now doing quite well for himself!
There is always that fear when they start outsourcing and incorporating other companies in. I guess it is a happy situation when they dont have that big everybody attend call! Mine had one ten years ago and even though I would have been happy to take a payoff Iwas relieved when I wasn't one of the chosen few
Oftentimes I employ the stink eye, getting mixed results depending on the direction it's aimed at lol. El-Jefe's an overblown pillowcase alright, full of his own 'importance' lol. The bosses usually aren't the brightest minds in the business, ya know!
The stink-eye can be great!
It is truly a strange thing how the most ill-suited often rose into management positions. I will never understand it
Must be the good head on his shoulders, the one between the chin and nose lol
The one that people think is the moon on dark nights!
lol
Lol I'm shocked that his shocked that he is dead weight! And even more shocked he thought you were dead weight! Surely he knows is just freewheeling through work like on a bicycle down a hill. And you are the bicycle is this scenario.
Some people truly live in their own world. I'm pretty sure his passing off some of your work as his own so I'm super shocked he is so confident in his confidence!
The world makes sense again!
I am shocked too!! Uber shocked that he thinks he is the Grandmaster working in the background instead of the tea drinker that lurks on the stairs 🤣🤣
I am sure a lesson is coming his way!
Maybe they would have more money if they didn't spend it on fucking meeting pods!
😂
Haha, yeah! You should see them. They could have just had rooms but instead spent a fortune on these futuristic looking things dotted about the place 🤣🤣
Pods are all of the rage these days. I read that some porn companies have jerk off pods for employees...
😂
Yikes man, can you imagine coming out of one of them. Pretending that yo are all cool and not bothered whilst burning with embarrassment :OD
Haha 😂
Probably the most awkward thing. Would also hope that there is a sanitation button for when people leave
Might be like one of those toilets that hoses itself down after every visit. Lol!
Hopefully 😆
Come to America. Get a job in Deadwood. The desperados gave up cattle rustling and stagecoach robbery to open a casino and tourist trap instead. It's absolutely repulsive. You'd love it.
Hehe, I loved the TV show! What's not to love about casinos and tourist tat! 🤣🤣
I haven't seen the show, so I don't even know if it was filmed on location. I passed through a month ago. Tourist season hadn't really started yet. There was very little real history on display, but lots of souvenir shops and that casino-and-hotel monolith dominated much of the town.
I didn't even know it was a real place till you said. I assumed it is a cool made up name of a place. Tourism can really suck at times for destroying a sense of identity or history in a place
It's a very real place. if you make it stateside, you can visit Wall Drug, Deadwood, Devil's Tower, the Custer massacre battlefield, and Pompey's Pillar in that corner of South Dakota, Wyoming, and Montana.
I would love to visit that area. Me and the missus always hope at some point to make it out to the States. One day!
El-Jefe, your boss must be a piece of s**t to think you are a dead wood, there's no chance of that being... You are too young to be one ...lols.
Haha, he just likes to think that he is safe and it's everyone else that is shit 🤣🤣🤣 totally the opposite!
🤣🤣🤣🤣 serves him right. You did really well in letting him know who the actual boss is. I sure have missed your dialogue with El-jefe.
He is quite the lump of a man. I came believe that in his head he obviously things he is amazing 😀😀
🤣🤣🤣 he always think so. But we do know the real deal, eh?
Hopefully yes! hehe :OD
🤣🤣🤣 good
Excelente contenido, como siempre lo mejor saludos lider.
Gracias mi amigo. ¡¡Solo puedo intentarlo!! 🙂
It's always a good idea to ensure that the actual bosses know how vital you are. If you drop some hints about the actual 'dead wood' then that's a bonus. It does seem that some people get away with years of slacking. I follow Fesshole over on Mastodon and there's a few such stories there. We need something similar on Hive.
I remember fesshole I think. Ewan it on twitter before it became shit?
I think that is the key asked once on which I do my best, all the decent bosses know I'm the one to check in with!
I wish more people would move from Twtr to Hive. A lot went to Mastodon and things like Bluesky and Threads (not Leo) that I haven't even looked at. I decided that I can't keep joining all the new platforms and need to focus on the bare minimum.
I have quit joining lots of new ones. Stick with here and the odd other. Trying to use Twitter lots as it's become an alt-right binfire of bots and trolls.
I wish it were easier to be upset of hive for new people. Different front ends, different concepts is what is acceptable use. It's too dashed tricky for newbs unless they have cojones of steel
Nice funny reaction to a serious topic. It feels like all companies are trying to downsize, even those that have record profits. I really hope you are safe from it, but it is usually the ones below that get hit hard. I only saw bosses/managers get affected during mergers. I did see from one of your comments that the other bosses know that you get a lot of work done.
Yeah, Iam fairly certain I am safe as I do a lot of networking and also work for other people who I know appreciate it. A roving troubleshooter!
It really does feel like everyone is trying to maximise their profit margins now though. At the expense of everyone else!
I like Passat sedan mate 😄
It's a lady magnet!! :OD
Hehe😅
I love the part when you thought you were the only one looking at him pityingly but he was also looking at you like that too😅
Lol, it was an eye-opener for sure. I thought, how very dare he! :OD
That's right boy, put some limits on that sucker! 😅 The dead wood is carried by him... (you know)
He is officially a petrified forest!! 🤣🤣
🤣
Although being the head of a company or an institution makes you look like a boss, the real bossiness is the instructions you give and your personality behaviors. Real bosses take responsibility in case of failure and never blame their employees and members of the team.
It's a sad fact that most bosses seem to act otherwise. The good ones are few and far between. At least in my experience!
Oh, I remember these days well. The feeling of dread would burn through the cubicles like a wildfire. The ones with the guilty consciences (because of how little they actually did) were always the ones who were most nervous.
Bizarrely in my place which is absolutely jam packed with dead wood, the deadest of them seem to be inordinately confident in their abilities and work. Which is damn odd. It tends to be the honest Joe's that fear for their jobs!
You both looking at each other pitifully 😂😂😂😂
But he knows who does all the work now 😅😅
I am going that I shall triumph in the ultimate battle of who keeps their job!!
The boss is still here after 8 years!
Haha!! He is, like the immortal jellyfish!! 😀😀
We are stubborn for sure!
Stubborn or insane!! I am suspecting the latter 😀
They got rid of a lot of the mental institutions over here in the United States so some of us run around and blog on Hive. We should be in straight jackets.
Care in the Community...
Hard to type in them things tho! 🤣
Regarding your boss Sr @meesterboom you are a perseverant, focused and responsible man doing his job and creating his artwork, the best thing that can happen to you is that "the dead wood" of your boss is burned at once acts as a switch
He knows that you are clear on your goals and actively communicates with the bosses at the top in that company, keep going and up.
I hope to last longer than he does in this rat race but for whatever reason he does seem to have a charmed life in the workplace!!
It is possible that in this rat race the first to abandon ship is this rotten wood boss, this "mister" boss, has his self-esteem on the floor and can't stand how well your self- esteem structured, my dear friend.
That is very possible, I have long suspected that. If he has the self awareness that is!
Probably 🤠
Hehe 😀
I like the part: I turned around and winked before leaving the room. what a great feeling haha
You always gotta end on a high! :O)
I've only had it a few times in fights with my boss
It's always best to steer clear of bosses as much as possible!
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I've had that talk ... but I begged to get let go. The first round of cuts get the best packages. ;).
They do indeed! If they asked me I would take it. I just take umbrage to him thinking we were in the same boat! :OD
Hehe, I can't help you with his delusions of grandeur. The nerve!!!!
I think delusions of grandeur are healthy in small doses 😂😂
Long live the king!!!
Huzzahs!!! 😀😀
#hive #posh
According others post in which you talk about your boss and your job, I suppose that you have been there for quite some time, so you are NOT dead wood, quite the opposite
That is how I like to see it! :O)
I keep thinking back at the only funny bit in that Horriblw bosses film. We gotta trim some fat around here. Get rid of Large Marge. 🤣 🤣
Large Margev is an awesome name 😀😀
He has escaped the cut so far!