I sauntered into work an hour late. I had a swagger that could dry washing as my Mother would say. It had snowed a tiny bit and as usual when this happens all of the transport networks had ground to a halt.
My train had stopped in its tracks halfway through the journey as some specks of snow had drifted slowly out of the sky and this warranted emergency measures. I wasn't too fussed as it had allowed me a bit of down time on the train staring out wistfully at the countryside, half wishing I was a fur clad savage munching on roasted fox by the river. Note: that is not a euphemism.
I plopped my take-away coffee down on my desk and looked around half-heartedly for El Jefe, so that I might regale him with tales of my travel madness but the office was deserted. It looked like everyone else was experiencing the same travel issues as me. Ironically El Jefe only lived around the corner so he had a cheek if he couldn't make it in through the thimbleful of snow that had fallen.
Eventually others started trickling in. Everyone with their own tale of woe. One of my colleagues, Jazzy Jeff, stopped by my desk for a chat.
This facking weather you jocks have is shite mate.
Jock - Slang term for Scotsman, usually uttered by those who are penisly challenged
I leaned back in my groovy chair and concurred.
Yes, it is a tad inconvenient.
Inconvenient man, are you having a giraffe?
Poor Jazzy Jeff. He was a Londoner in his mid forties and was struggling with the nipple hardening cold of the Scottish climate. He spoke a bizarre rhyming slang. Having a giraffe of course being rhyming slang for Having a laugh.
Alright then, more than a tad inconvenient. As soon as I saw the weather I started thinking about dogging it!
Jazzy Jeff's eyes and mouth widened as if about to sneezily ejaculate.
Think about what mate?
Dogging it. You know, dog it?
He turned slightly pale, like shed skin.
Eh, alright then mate. To each their own.
I took a big slurp of my coffee and grinned.
Ach don't worry, I didn't... In fact I haven't dogged it since School!
School?!?
He backed slowly away, confusion and disgust marching back and forth across his face, as if I were a rabid cat with a turkeys penis in its mouth.
Right you are mate.
He then turned and all but ran.
I giggled. Dogging it, is a Scottish slang term for bunking off as in not going to School. It is a little old fashioned. I think he was more familiar with the term Dogging as when used for that less than salubrious hobby some folk have of masturbating at people in car parks.
The day was looking up!
My dear @meesterboom. Allow me to take a moment and walk you through the spiritual experience I just had while immersing myself in the word journey that was your post.
Perhaps the best analogy would be those hypnotists who swing the pocket watch and chant your are getting sleepy.
I started simply reading but by about the time you were gazing out of the train window into the world beyond, I somehow ceased being a reader and became instead within your story.
It was like I was sitting in that train with you, hearing you tell it. I was there when you giggled at the linguistic artistry you deployed in twisting the doggy nomenclature to your conversational advantage.
I was immersed.
Great rhythm, great style, excellent depth and humour. Awesome post!
Och, you are ever so kind to say!! I think this is the best compliment I have received ever!
Mate it is well deserved.
Yer a champ :o)
Haha you jocks and your slang. I do enjoy learning your local dialect, its fantastic.
And good that you werent prairie dogging it if you know what I mean ;-)
Haha, the worst of it is that I think I do know what you mean!!!!
I French, the expression to dog it, to bunker off or to play hooky is "faire l’école buissonnière", roughly "to do the school in the bushes".
That sounds almost naughty! It's funny how these expressions all seem to have that air about them!
You dear friend @meesterboom knows how to use the saying "al aml tiempo buena cara" very well I must admit that I finished the reading and I could not get out of my head what would be the face of poor Jazzy Jeff "Face of a rabid cat with a penis of turkey in the mouth "It goes without saying that this saying goes to the dictionary of dictions that I am formulating.
You have done it again dear friend, congratulations, thank you very much for this fun reading
I hope that the time has passed
I wish you a happy rest
Heheh, I would love to see this dictionary! :O)
This was great. So many giraffes!
Incidentally, where I live we could be having a facking blizzard and nothing would shut down. There'd be a fleet of dump trucks hauling the snow off to god knows where, and people would be driving snowmobiles down the middle of the road and occasionally over buried cars on their way to work.
Also, related note — I once got myself in hot water for using the phrase "jerking over" outside of its apparently very, very small geographical region of acceptance. In certain parts of northern Indiana, United States of America Fuck Yeah, they use that phrase to describe Amish youth who walk away from their culture/religion to become Mennonite, and/or to experiment with the "normal" life of nonreligious pagans like me.
I was simply trying to explain how I knew this Amish kid who "jerked over" and everyone's dirty minds got all hot and bothered with the, shall we say, car park definition of jerking.
WOOF!
Oh that's awesome. I can actually see it happening as you said it, their minds thing into overdrive!!
Where we are is nuts, literally if there is a cold wind public transport closes down. I wonder she those dump trucks take the snow Hehe
I don't know where they take it. We have too much of it, so maybe they should take it to where you are! 😄 Want some??
Similar to my "shortcut" 😂😂 I feel ashamed 😒 I hope your evening will be great 😋
Very similar! My evening has been smashing! Cheers! :O)
At least I make you laugh not angry
HEhe, wonderwoman, awesome!
Lost In Translation Two: The MeesterBoom Story
Hahaha, I had so much fun with it!
I can imagine Jazzy Jeff’s reaction.
But I can’t imagine my reaction if I saw a rabid cat with a turkeys penis in its mouth.lol
Nice post!
Hahahahah, it would probably be the same as mine when I saw something which that phrase is based on. It was horrfying!
Haha! Is the phrase based on a life experience of yours?
It is. I made it up. Its not that horrifying a tale. My mum really likes turkey and buys ot from the butcher. She gets all of the offal included. I think nothing of this until one time I am in her house and her cat comes into the living room snarling and dragging this giant dismembered penis.
I was like WHAT THE FUNK?!
My mum says oh thats just the turkeys penis. Again I am like WHAT?!?! I mean, its massive. the cat is growling and gnawing ferociously on this thing. My mum insists it comes with the turkey and it is the turkeys penis.
Some days later I pass the butcher and cant help but go in and ask what is the big long purple rod of flesh that comes with the turkey and he is like - Oh, you mean the neck?
Suddenly it all becomes clear. but I will never forget the way the cat came into the room that day!
Really? Your mum? I've always been under the impression that it was a dad's job to traumatize the children with complete nonsense.
Good parents share the load lol!!
That reminds me of a day, long ago, that @exyle and his father went on a holiday and I was ordered to water the plants in their house. I got specific instructions and I never knew that the plants I had to give water, were plants they use to make specific big cigarets (If you know what I mean!). Only later, did they told me. I couldn't stop laughing of course! I should have known better with those two.
Haha! I know exactly what you mean. You must have been quite surprised when you found out!!
Yes, you can indeed say that!!
I'm creased haha! Does your mother still believe the turkey's penis makes up a large portion of its bodyweight or was she just having a laugh?
@sidneybrown this is a laugh like
I think she genuinely believes it!
Useful and informative story here thank you dear friend @meesterboom sir
Thank you Sansa, I am glad you got away from the bastard. he was awful to you
ha ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thanks jofri was a bad guy !!
HEhe, I meant that other bastard , the Bolton fellow! :OD
oh hmmmmm😑
lol
he was painfull for me !! naw iam happy! cz jofri is dead🙂🙂
Lol, anyway, cool username!
He's really good at his aspects.. Great job
it's funny what a little bit of snow or rain can do to public transport lol. I need to brush up on my Scottish slang, I've never heard that one before.
Oh stick with me, I will tell you all the scottish secret words! :O)
Dear all, I think I like meesterboom a lot he is exceptional and I intend to be the FIRST to start this campaign, let make him a WITNESS.
That's very kind of you mate but I don't have a server to run a witness node on!
I got your reference immediately, hah, I had not heard of it being used for masturbating but so nice of them to give you another slang for the deed, hahaha!
We've been getting pummeled with snow the past couple days, I have to give myself pep talks to go out in it lol!
Our snow today was laughable, must have been about 2 milllimetres!
Hehe, is dogging a UK only thing? Thats excellent? Its such a silly pervy thing
Millimeters is definitely laughable, we're at a foot, maybe more!
If your colleague is Jazzy Jeff, does that make you the Fresh Prince?
But of course I am always the fresh prince my darlin!!
;O)
It was so small that the sun shone for two minutes and it all melted! A foot of snow would be awesome!
What a nice giraffe I am having right now!
Hahaha!! I like your work! ;O)
You always surprise me with the title.
Do I? Excelent. I hope to continue!
You are the master
Well I've never heard of dogging it or bunking off.
We say playing hooky...... which is actually a really odd thing to say also if you think about it.
Playing hooky!! YEah that! I almost put that in but was trying to make it sound normal! hehe!
I love it! I must remember this one. Ours for skipping out is playing hookey. Not hockey, but hookey! Isn't language grand! Is it still snowing in Scotland? I thought it would have been done with by now...
It was a complete surprise, It was all done and then we had the most pathetic flurry today. You could hardly call it snow! Hehe, I have heard of playing hookey!
In the states we call this "Playing Hooky" i've no idea where it comes from. Great sorry, game me a good laugh.
Hehe, glad you enjoyed it!
The atmosphere of your work looks difficult and mysterious and with high suspense. I hope you're the boss of Jazzy Jeff, because I do not like it at all, it seems that he wants to make you uncomfortable; thank God at least you have coffee at hand to relieve the pressure. Be careful with Jeff and do not lose sight of. By the way, where will the boss be? This is also strange ...
Where was he indeed!
I wish I was the boss of someone. I would be a kind and benevloent one :O)
Hmmmm... A little like the kind benevolence of Uncle Boom?
That's the benevolence I mean fright there!! Hehe!
Normally Bosses are not very appreciated by their employees. It is better to remain without those responsibilities. Greetings meesterboom.
I have to get more familiar with the Scottish slang as I am not always sure if I am getting the correct meaning of the words or not! Always a funny read!
Hehe, one day it will all click and you will find yourself just talking it and no one understanding you ;O)
Great tale--as usual. Maybe because of the old links to Scotland, but here in new Scotland I've heard 'dogging it' before, and not just in relation to the voyeuristic acts you outlined, but in relation to goofing off or avoiding work. I always believed it was the polite translation of the more common (around the some cities anyway) 'fucking-the-dog.'
I have never heard of fucking-the-dog! HeHe, awesome. Yeah, dogging it was always avoiding work/school when I was a lad. Nect thing I know its the goto expression for car park perverts!!
Where is New Scotland? forgive me if I have asked before I have a mind like a sieve :O)
Sorry: Nova Scotia.
Hahahaha! I'm never eating turkey again! I laughed so hard I actually snorted ... very unlady-like, lol. Some things can never be unseen ....
Yeah, Turkey didn't have the same draw for me either now ;0)
I learned that term dogging from my recent times spent in Europe, especially Ireland. Before that I had no idea what it meant. When someone explained it to me, all I could say was Are you having a giraffe? Love me some rhyming slang.
Rhyming slang is great eh! I am glad you knew what it was. It's ridiculous!
It's not a term we have in Australia. Hope it stays that way!
For all the times I'm proud to be familiar with the Scottish tongue (not a euphemism), every now and then a post of yours come along and takes me to school. I guess this time, quite literally. That's the thing about using slang, you have to be ready to hear slang you're not familiar with. In this case, he was familiar with it, it just so happens it had a whole different meaning. I can't believe dogs are used for so many things. What about alpacas? Alpacas have feelings too! #justiceforalpacas
Are these the people that say, "penis for your thoughts?"
It was quite a cool coincidence that it was slang and yet for each of us it had totally different meanings. Obviously I relished the misunderstanding!! Hehe!!!
I will have to Google alpacas!
imagine what we would be then, we would all be penis collectors!
Here I thought that dogging means that you're too tired and you're slobbering all over the place!
That would be weird seeing people carrying around a string of penises. Or, hmmm...
Haha, that would have been a good guess!!!
perhaps a business opportunity?
Now that I think about it, it seems a lot closer to the sexual slang haha! WHo knew!
Already filing the patent. I'm sure there won't be a shortage of penises anytime soon. Now, I just need to find that machete...
hehe :) you can not believe how fast you read and amused!
It was a very pleasant article. congratulations :)
Thank you very much :0)
I miss having co-workers to joke around with sometimes lol Being self employed has some downsides. The boss will know exactly where I was if I'm shirking off lol
Haha, no worse boss than yourself. It is one of the few perks of working in an office!
I love the english lessons I get from you, Mr Boom. :) The figures of speech and the visual aids, recently used "I have the bladder the size of a goat's eye" to the missus, and boy was she impressed.
Now, I just need to get the image of a rabid cat with a turkeys penis in its mouth out of my head so I can proceed with work lol
Haha, I like to come up with a turn of phrase that will be lasting! That rabid cat!! Hehe!
I have not heard of either of those particular definitions for dogging so there you go XD I'm not sure whether I'm glad or not that you provided the other definition just so that those of us who didn't know could understand why Jazzy Jeff was so horrified XD
Haha, I like to offer it as a public service announcement so that if you visit these fair shores and someone kindly offers for you to go dogging with you you will be forewarned!
nice blog @meesterboom
Just like always...getting us stound with your writing skill.
Nice one there...
Cheers dude!
good article @meesterboom
thank you for sharing
Thanks mate!
Haha great informative story thanks dear
Cheers Abid!
take it easy.
You are already on TOP
Well that is good to know!
Nice one mate @meesterboom.. Dogging it.. Hahahahhahaaha. Never heard of it though
I should have put a wikipedia link in or something. lol!
haha Finally to reached your destination uncle boom :p
and a nice conversation with your colleague :p
It was a good chat indeed!
what exactly is the meaning of Dogging @uncleboom ?
Pretty much just wanking off with other men whilst watching someone actually shagging. It usually takes place in car parks lol!
hahaha, Thanks for this explanation.
@meesterboom I once had a conversation with a scotish fella,and I could not understand half of what was saying, most time I just nod,it's worse when they are upset.buy then I sti the Scot, they have a standup attitude,very loyal.The Scottish.
We are indeed loyal. No one understands us when we speak lol!
Waow!!!! don't know you were scottish, thought you were from maybe Sunderland or London.
Hehe, no. All the way up north!!
@meesterboom, have you ever wondered why the human body feel lazy during winter or cold season, that's when we make a lot of babies.
Its a fine time to make them!
I educated myself with some Scottish slang while reading this article. Thanks for being so funny and informative at the same time. Upvoted!
You are welcome, Thank you for visiting!
I feel sorry for the poor pooches! They always seem to get a bad rep, no matter what the context! Lol
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