I shoved at the Beer Shop doors and prepared to barge in and strut around on bandy legs with my hands on my hips like a syphilitic eighteenth century Duke.
My plans were foiled by the door not opening.
Eh, who the bloody hell is in charge of this faaaarce!?!
I roared, giving the doors another shove.
But they did not open.
I took a step back and rubbed thoughtfully at my chin.
There was something afoot here. Something not quite right. I sidled up close to the door again and gave it a nudge with my foot.
It still did not open?!
It was almost as if it were locked and barred from within.
Immediately, I dismissed that idea as preposterous. The Beer Shop was always open. The very idea of the Beer Shop being closed sent an unpleasant shiver down my spine.
I pulled my mind away from such thoughts. That way madness lay.
Once again, I stepped back from the door. I ran a practiced eye up and down over it. It looked like a normal door but my intuition was screaming at me that something was awry.
What could it be?
Wait, I had it!
I leaned in close. There was something in the glass pane of the door. Something which wasn't normally there.
A piece of paper by the looks of it, stuck to the inside of the glass by a piece of tape at each corner.
This was definitely new.
Nodding wisely, I gave the door a tentative push.
It still didn't move.
Huuurf.
I snorted.
There had to be something I was missing.
Then a sickening thought dawned on me.
What if I had forgotten how to open doors?
Was I to be doomed to a lifetime on the outside? Always peering in, licking the panes of the ones I loved? Unable to open the door and step through into their lives?
No. No way. I wasn't going to let this happen. I would rather die than live life as a mere observer.
Grimacing, I pulled my bag from my shoulders. I had a small blade secreted in the inner lining for exactly this eventuality. In moments it was free and in my hands.
I took my phone out and quickly rattled a message to the Good Lady out on WhatsApp telling her I loved her. Then I raised the blade to end my life.
Beyond the blade, I noticed writing on the piece of paper tacked to the door.
Hi! I aint opening whilst this Coronavirus stuff is about. Gotta run. Bye!
I lowered the knife.
Looks like I got lucky.
This time.
I'm so glad you have a knife on your person at all times...One never knows when taking one's on life may be required. I almost did it yesterday when the bakery told me there was no chunky steak and mushroom pies left.
I once, very embarrassingly, walked into a glass door whilst my head was turned (looking at a hottie in a mini skirt)...No one saw so all good. (Yes they did.) Oh, the shame.
P.s. You in short running shorts first thing in the morning...Talk about a heart-starter!
You gotta be prepared as I am sure you know. I have almost lost count of the times I have nearly taken my life with my emergency knife in reaction to life curve balls!! Heh heh...
Fine shorts eh!! :0D
Glad you haven't had to take your life yet...And that those shorts didn't reveal a turtle-head poking out for a look...Lol.
Lol, a turtle head might have been one step too far. Although amusingly that's what we call it even you are desperate for a shit and it's touching cloth :0D
Haha!
The beer shop closed?! My god. Did you resort to the local convenience store to pick up something for your weekly review? You do bad beer reviews excellently, I trust it will be entertaining :)
I have this feeling that line is going to pop into my head tomorrow every time I look at the children's room or the line at the grocery store.
That line pops up in my head almost constantly every day of parenting!!
I managed to go to my back up beer shop. It's a bit rough and villainous but I survived :0)
I don't think I've ever laughed so hard at something so stupid. LOL!
HAhahah, it quite entertained me too!! What a terrible affliction! :OD
!ENGAGE 50 !
That was a damn good trap. Did not see it coming.
Fuck it's quiet here today...
It's fucking deserted!!!
I firmly believe that a lot of people are just not bothering because of the incessant drama. Its wearing everyone down. Well, not the ones who are thriving on it but everyone else. In fact, the content creators. There aint much out there.
Content creators always get handed the shitty end of the stick. Got witnesses boycotting shit and offering to buy the fucking place..... ay yi yi
Aye, it's bloody awful. I have half thought of taking a short break to is over but hell, when will it be over!!
I've been thinking about going overboard with some off color humor. Putting on a big show. if there's nothing else to look at, they'll be looking at me.
I dunno though. If I leave again it'll be hard to come back. It's on my mind every day. Kinda breaks my heart.
Good afternoon sir, is this yours?
There it is!
Where did you find her?!
I'm here...
You are, you are one of the true stalwarts. There ain't many of us!!
Dying breed huh? We'll hold the fort to the last man standing. 😬
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That's a bit extreme don't you think XD
Did you ask him which coronavirus? I suppose we all know which coronavirus unlike when we say we have "the flu" or "the cold" that's going around without having the foggiest which one that might be but I still love teasing people XD
So what are you going to do for beer now? Does he do online? Perhaps he can post you some?
I had to go to a poor man's beer shop in the no man's land of the South side. It was a risky thing but I managed to get a couple of hopefuls!!
Lol, I like to tease people about that too but they don't really pick up on it!! :0D
The horror.... the unbelievable, terrible horror. Don't do it boomy... There's so much to live for, if the only beer left is Corona you'll survive. It's ok with a bit of lemon in the top of the bottle 😉🍺
You say lemon but I heard from someone else it had to be lime. There just doesn't seem to be want structure or order to this life!! Lol :0)
Life's just loopy m8.
Next they'll be telling me to put bashed avocado in my G + T.
I think you're right though and it is lime.... for neutralizing corona that is ;-)
Avocado. Yeeek!!!
Tell them never whoever they may be!!
I love it mate! On this keto diet Avocado is a big part of doing it in a healthy manner. I have the ole Avocado every morning.
Hmnnn.... it might be more accurate to say I've conditioned myself to love the ole Avocado like a Muay Thai expert conditions his legs by beating them continually with sticks ;-)
Unsympathetic bastard beerman! Just leave the doors open?
I know!! Why didn't he do that. It would have been fine in this trustworthy town!! :OD
Maybe the note could have said - Corona inside? :)
That would have worked way better. He wouldn't have people loitering about outside wondering why they couldn't open the doors!!
The next skill to be lost by the human race. Should work well for reduction in the spread of flu-like viruses, but time to stock up big beforehand!
I think I am learning now that it always pays to be stocked up, this fucking town is clear of toilet paper!!
Same here. Staples of life are all gone, supermarkets rationing etc. Good thing I'm a prepared dude...No last-minute panic-buying for me.
P.s. If you run out of toilet paper just print more stuff at work on the photocopier...I told my Director all the contracts I've printed in the last 2 months have come home for use as TP. He grinned...But wasn't sure I was joking.
Wut, no beer!?
I had to go backup shopping!
Phew! That saved the Saturday! Was getting a wee bit worried there.
Not as worried as I was! I thought, oh no, supermarket beer!!!
No yech, that would have been horrible!
Luckily there was a back-up store. 😁🍻
At the rate the coronavirus panic is showing they will all be closed! Will have to stock up
Crazy panic, I do not get it... Fear is a bad advisor.
But getting some in stock might be a good idea. And if the shit does hit the fan then you know you'll at least have enough to last.
Until something new hits mainstream media to scare the living shit out off the masses that is.
Have a great weekend mate!
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I thought you were someone who looked for alternative entrances. What happened to you slipping in the back door? I am sure he was waiting expectantly for his favorite customer who takes all the strange beers that don't sell. Please tell me you managed to get something at least for the reviews.
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