See, it all started, cos some guy in China ate a bat.
My brother peered at me through his phone screen and nodded seriously as if he were a tailor talking about which side a fellow should wear his penis.
I glared at my phone and winced visibly.
What?
Due to the evil Corvid-19 and the resulting Lockdown, I had been video calling various family members and friends to keep up the social contact without actually going anywhere near someone.
It was going well so far with the number of penises glimpsed being a satisfying zero.
My brother had decided not to bother with idle chit-chat and threw himself straight into an explanation of the origins of the Corona virus.
What do you mean what? It's true. A Chinese dude ate a fucking bat. That's how all this shit started.
My brother narrowed his eyes at me on the screen and huffed through his large and hairy nostrils.
The video call quality was pretty good and I could see that he had an alarming number of hairs poking clean out of his nose and that those hairs were largely a silvery-white.
Old bastard.
I don't think that it started because someone ate a bat.
I said flatly.
It fucking did. I'm telling you, I read it on the Facebook.
My brother stated indignantly as if everybody knew that Chinese people loved munching bats.
I took in a deep breath.
I noticed the view of my brother slip down on the screen so that I could only see the top half of his head. Fuck sake. After several video calls this morning in which the same thing had happened, I had to wonder, can no one actually hold the phone properly when video calling?
It didn't start because someone ate a fucking bat.
Did.
Didn't
Fucking did so, right?
It fucking didn't, ya daft bastard.
My brother leaned in close to the screen so I could see one foosty looking eye really close up.
Wee man, I am fucking telling you. I read it on the Facebook. A Chinese guy ate a fucking bat and that is how it started.
He growled forcefully.
I looked off to the side then I looked back at him.
That is not how it started. Who would eat a fucking bat? No one. Would you eat a fucking bat?
I growled back at him.
There was a long pause in which we frowned at each other. Then my brother nodded thoughtfully and answered.
No, of course, I wouldn't eat a bat...
I opened my mouth to shout Aha! but before I could, he continued.
Because I'm not Chinese.
I gave up.
Facebook told me the elites did this intentionally and I was shown a video where the Simpsons warned us years ago.
That is precoat because it told me something entirely different and yet almost as true.
It truly is, the master of puppets!
Well according to wiki, which I promptly utilized:
Bats are a food source for humans in some areas. Bats are consumed in various amounts in some regions within some Asian, African, European,[1] and Pacific Rim countries and cultures, including Vietnam, Seychelles, Indonesia,[2] Palau, Thailand,[3] China,[4] and Guam.[5][6]
In Guam, Mariana fruit bats (Pteropus mariannus) are considered a delicacy.[7][8]
So they do in fact eat bats. I don't think that's how it started though, lolol.
Eeeeewwww.
Who would eat a bat, that's minging!!
Dirty dirty bat eaters. That like eating pigeons. Not the plump woodland ones the scabby street pigeons with one foot and the like!! Bleurgh!
What... you don't have any silver hairs growing outta your snout?
Hell no!!!!
I pluck em out before they can be seen! ;0)
be careful, they might grow even faster....
Then I am doomed!
When you want to know if anything is true. You can only go to one place, we all know that... eFBee.
Exactly! Saw some homemade excel shit 'viral death score' lists shared like crazy. What would we do without it?
It's the single source of truth for the modern age!!
I get everything from it now. Did you know the earth was flat? I saw a video on Facebook!!
Yes, I love how I do not have to check for resources anymore. No need to think, eFBee is here to do that for us!
That's amazing! And if it had a video then who are we to deny it. Man, if we did not have eFBee to tell it like it is, I would not know where to turn to.
Me too!!
Why bother with the burden of thinking. There is no need in this modern age. One, thank goodness for the book!!! :0)
😁
Well, I mean if its on Newspeak ...er I mean Facebook it MUST be true, eh?
Well, here I am in/on Hive! I made it. I packed up some necessities and have found a good plot to start my new home here in Hive, though I'll keep my 'holiday home' going in Steemit.
Wayhay, look at you missus!!
All arrived and full of vim!!
Now we are all going to Facebook!! ;0D
Oh heavens! We're a nomadic tribe here online, eh? ;)
How is your New Normal in your 'neck of the woods'?
Aaarrrr. It be nice to see you on this side is the pond!!
The new normal is boring and rubbish, how's yours?
We're in lockdown, so we can go to grocery or chemists but still fairly allowed to 'go out' but I'm not personally. Honestly, I pretty much live in quarantine in my day to day life here anyway. However, when I'm lucky enough to be in UK I'm much more prone to go out, as there's such good public transport, great cafe's yet that seems like another world in some far off dream. I hope it can become a reality again one day :/
I hope so too. Today I was having a conversation with a friend and he was dreading the idea that things will never go back to normal
The tale of bat eating, how dumb we are at the eyes of Chinese government. From eating bat or sexual intercourse with mama bat bring the whole world into total lockdown and claim innocent lives.
Bat theories are insane otherwise that bat was infected with genetically modified flu virus. Other theory it come from a pangolins.
I had to Google pangolin. What a freaky looking beast!! I think one of them eating a bat then being eaten might be a valid theory!
Since pangolins diet are ants and termites, maybe one of that ants bit the bat with infection then it ate by pangolin. I really love the Chinese government, genius.
It's certainly a convoluted one!!
I'm with your brother on this though i don't have the fuc... ing proof. God save us all
Hehe, I have heard it from a few places! Bloody bats!
well, they do eat bats... and dogs... but that does not mean that the bat gave the guy the virus...
But of course, if its on facebook it must be true
I knew the dog thing, I was just quite surprised to hear about the bat eating.
When my brother said Facebook,I thought my eyes were going to roll right out of my head :0D
Bats are just the chicken of the jungle/cave. Turns out Aussies eat 'em too.
Damn, the more I hear of this the more I am wanting to try one! :0)
Boomy, I think coitus was involved with the bat then consumption...
See, that would work. That must be it!!
I heard it from someone who heard it from someone else.
I heard it from my friends, mums brother's mate!
Lol
I am really afraid of bat now
Whatever you do. Don't eat them!!! :0)
I wonder if it's okay to mock for believing crap on Facebook seeing as apparently he's a lost cause anyway XD
It's always ok to mock believing crap on Facebook!!
If it's on fakebook, it has to be true !
Future anthropologist will look back years later ; so there was once an outbreak and it caused by allegedly a man consuming bat according to Facebook and people believed it.
Haha, they might look back and wonder... What was this Facebook thing?
https://www.dailymaverick.co.za/article/2020-03-25-scales-tip-in-favour-of-pangolins-as-hosts-of-coronavirus-transition/
Most likely a sick, dehydrated malnourished and stressed pangolin brought into contact with a similarly sick bat caught the bat virus and the two corona viruses traded genetic material to form the whopper we now have to deal with.
Good grief. That is quite the combination isn't it?
In a way we are lucky that it is not even more serious given how prepared we have shown ourselves to be
This is unfortunately just the first wave, pandemics can come in waves and other nasties follow in their wake. One doesn't need to be an economist to see the specter of economic ruin, poverty and famine likely to follow this in many places.
Indeed and in some cases it had already begun
I totally lost it after the silver nose hairs. You have got to use those lines at the end when I won't be laughing so hard, I can no longer read, without losing it in peels of laughter.
It wasn't a bat!!!! Give me his number! I will harangue him!
Upped and reposted
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