Hey baby, come upstairs!
The Good Lady yodelled huskily from somewhere in the house.
I looked up from my phone where I had been watching a man caulking some bathroom tiles on TikTok. Not a sexual thing I swear.
Aye aye, what was this? I could think of only two reasons for the Good Lady to call me upstairs and both of them involved shagging. Well, when in Rome.
I got up and smirked at myself in the mirror that hung over the fireplace.
You've still got it, you handsome big bastard.
My reflection nodded at me in agreement.
I headed to the stairs and the spring in my step from my own sheer desirable mannity made me almost fly to the top in a single step.
A Christmas shag, a rare thing given that a) Christmas only happens once a year and b) we had children which are the best contraception known to man.
I wondered what it was to be, a longy? A quickie? A frantic two cats in a sack scratchy one? So many choices. The kids weren't asleep yet so it might just have to be a quickie. That was fine.
It was dark upstairs, no lights on anywhere.
I chortled, the naughty minx. was it going to be like pin the pork bifter on the donkey then?
Where are you milady? I am here. Ready and waiting!
Thankfully my eyes were beginning to adjust to the dark and I could start to discern shapes within the shadows. This was most fortunate because the Little Lady had a six-foot giraffe which she left in random locations upstairs and it wouldn't do for me to bump into it and start giving it the hokey cokey by accident.
The Good Lady for all her goodness could be savage with the jealousy.
I've got you an early Christmas present...
Her voice echoed with sexy mysteriosity around me.
Come into the toilet...quickly!
The toilet eh? I mean, it wasn't the worst place but possibly not my first choice. Still, the travails of man are hard to bear but bear them we must.
I snorted, shaking my head like a magnificent stallion before pawing at the floor and making my way to the toilet. As my hand touched the doorknob the Good Lady spoke again.
Close your eyes!
Her voice sang with naughty cheer which was awesome because it's no fun shagging someone who is miserable.
I closed my eyes.
The door opened and I felt her hand reach out to one of mine and pull me inside.
This was it. Salt Beef Taco time.
Open your eyes!
I snapped them open almost before she said the words and...
And what the fuck?
There was no naked lady before me. In fact, it was still dark but there was an odd blue light shining from the toilet??!
Um, what the fuck, woman?
I tried to hide my disappointment at the sheer lack of shagosity that was going on but it was hard.
You like it? It's a 'Toi-light!'
The Good Lady beamed an eerie blue-lit smile at me.
It's a fucking what?
I looked at her, in her pyjamas and then at the toilet still lit with an eerie blue hue.
I knew you'd love it! Isn't it cool? It's got a motion sensor. So when you come in in the middle of the night you don't have to put on the light!
At that moment the light clicked off, vaguely I saw the Good Lady wave her arm and as if by magic the light in the toilet pan came back on.
Oh, oh my. That is... um, well. That is good eh. I guess that's science in action right there. Erm, awesome?
I projected as much enthusiasm as I could through the no-shag disappointment I was feeling. She seemed to be fooled.
Just wait till tomorrow baby, you are going to love the rest of them!
She giggled and gave my hand a squeeze before prancing away like one of Santa's deer.
I sighed and looked down at my blue-lit toilet.
Fuck sake, what the fuck will tomorrow bring?
Well I guess she was nice enough to show you first, can you imagine if you walked in there drunk after Christmas merriment and there was this spooky blue glow that you'd never seen before? XD
Happy silly season :)
I can imagine. I almost fell robbed of the aliens that I would have without a doubt attributed it to!! Hehe.
A very happy silly season to you too rivvy! 😀😀
Bahahahahaa it is a bit sad that that's a post we're now not going to get XD
Lol, yes indeed. I have been betrayed!! 🤣🤣
As was often said when I was young; "If we can put a man on the moon..." Well apparently the blue-lit toilet is the pinnacle of human endeavors!🤣
It all started with Apollo! Now we have reached peak tech 😀😀
Haha, I came for the laughs and this didn't disappoint! A very Merry Christmas to you and your family!
Hehe, cheers man!! A very happy Christmas to you guys too! 😀😀
Thank you!
It's Christmas, do not despair. If she says you will love the rest, then you must trust her 😉🙃
Have a great Christmas !
I have the utmost faith and can't wait to find out.
Have a very splendid Christmas!! 😀
Can't wait to see what tomorrow brings !
Merry Christmas !
Hehe, today which was tomorrow was good. No crazy things though, not particularly crazy that is! Hope you are having a good one!!!
It's early morning, just getting ready to get ready. My 89 year old Mom wanted more than she was able to handle, so I will be going to her house early to help her get things ready for the crowd. It will be fun, after it is hectic for a little bit. 😂 I'm just sure of it.
It will be very hectic, I am at lunchtime here and it's starting to get a bit mad!!
Scrolling through Eric's feed and I'm not sorry I stopped to take a read here, I LOVE the Toi-light, it's brilliant, literally, but what a let-down for you, literally again!
This read deserves an Oscar, you had me chuckling right from the outset, you are the funniest man on Hive Mr. Boom!
Aw that's high praise indeed! Thank you.
Hehe, the toilight is something else. I actually find it dead useful now despite being horrified 😐🤣
I lost it at Salt Beef Taco time. All parts of this was too good. Everything was perfect leading up to the end. I was thinking that there shouldn't be anything that could stop you with how raring to go you were. Well I was wrong. Nothing removes a man's intensity quite like staring into a toilet in the dark and seeing an illuminated emoji with their inner emotion.
Sometimes when you state into the blue-lit abyss the blue-lit abyss also stares into you!! 🤣🤣
Such a lovely one to read for a big smile on the face during the Christmas day! Thanks for this and Merry Christmas to you and your family! 🎄🎁
A very merry Christmas to you and yours too, thank you!! 😀
That actually sounds like a good idea. You don't want to get blinded when going for a midnight slash.
Merry Xmas.
Hehe, I quite like the idea. I have been complaining about not being able to put on the light at night in case it somehow wakes the children. Merry Christmas dude, not long now!
Lol... the Good Lady did got you. Haha, it would have been very interesting to see your face when she showed you the toi-light lol.
Merry Christmas. I hope to see what tomorrow may bring. Maybe a new baby haha.
If it was a new baby I would make a carton shaped hole in the wall as I ran away 🤣🤣
Hahaha 😆. Lol, you guys are doing well. My regards
Right back at ha!
Hehe... with my cowgirl hat, I say thanks 😊
Haha! A Toi-light? That was an awesome gift you got from the good lady. Wait! And she said the rest of tomorrow is gonna be awesome too, I wonder what tomorrow will bring.
Merry Christmas to you and your family
She has been very good to me under the guise of Santa! I hope if you celebrate it you are having a good day!
Merry Xmas and happy new year in advance mate!
You too mate, have a splendid time!
Lmao 😂 I knew you weren't going to get lucky but had no idea what you were in for. Interesting contraption. Not a bad idea. Is the fave in the toilet actually a part of it or is that an emoji you added? I'm guessing the latter but can't quite tell
Lol, that's an emoji as I only realised when I was adding the pic that one of my filthy children had been and not flushed!!
It's actually a cool thing. I was quite surprised!!
Okay that makes sense 😂
Yeah it is cool. A smart idea for sure
It is quite splendid. I am almost looking forward to seeing it in proper action 😀
More like don't count your toilets before they light up in your face and squash your naughty thoughts. That's a good one. Maybe I should give someone this kind of toiletty surprise.😂
It's quite the surprise and when they get over it they might not even be that disappointed!! 🤣🤣
hahaa I actually like the idea of a lighted receptacle lol, I mean...now you won't have to wonder if there might be a frog in there waiting to ambush you! Plus..and perhaps more importantly, your Christmas boinking is still a high probability!
A very Merry Christmas to you and your family!
It is quite cool and I am not saying it is the reason she got it but I imagine it will certainly be good for the night-time aiming :OD
A very very merry Chrimbo to you and yours when it comes!
I want to wish you a happy new year, I thank you for your support in some of my posts, may GOD bless you and your family.
A hug
A very happy New year to you too my friend!!
Ha, I just had my Christmas present this morning, first one in a month. All the best to you and yours!!!!🎄🌟🦘
Hehe, thanks milady and all the very best to you and your family! 😀
Don't despair man, maybe it's a red one for your bedroom XD
Haha, it goes out after two minutes 😱😱
Yeah, I heard of someone getting a red one. After some drinking some intoxicated guests were thinking that a hell hole just opened in the toilet. Call the ghostbusters!
I had it red for a while, it does look hellish!! 😀😀
Have a nice Christmas day. With the joy of Christmas, many things in life change, we can encourage life more. Best wishes to you sir. Thanks a lot for sharing such a happiness merry festival christmas happy day.
Ama a very happy Christmas time to you too 🙂🙂
Mira yo la agarro el cuello y a fornicar..
Ooer missus! I think the light had to do this time!
Jajajaja 🤣🤣🤣🤣 ya lo creo
That was some surprise, though you didn't find it all that pleasant. But maybe tomorrow will be more fun like she promised.
Happy holidays and a prosperous new year in advance.
Happy holidays to you too. May we both get what is good!
Nowadays everyone's life is very busy and they don't even get time to meet each other. The biggest advantage of such events is that there is a holiday and people get together with their families. Enjoys a lot. We pray here that the coming time will be good for all of us.
I hope that it is good for all of us and the year ahead even better!
Hope so .
That’s a cool invention, I might invest in this later on 😄
It's a natty little thing! 😀
Merry Christmas!! with more fun and jokes!
A very merry Christmas to you too! 😀
Merry Christmas
I wish you a lovely one
Enjoy!
I wish the very best for you too!! 😀
I read about these a while back in a science journal where they discuss all the latest scientific...umm, well, the scientific science.
Anyway, they ended up with this design going to market, but the early prototypes started with a torch filled with a couple D-cell Energiser batteries stuck up the ass to light one's way in midnight ablution
duties.
Apparently the testing phase wasn't pleasant at all, and the whole idea was somewhat flawed, and eventually they pivoted to this design, the one you have.
I can understand that pivot. I mean, if you need a number two you are essentially setting loose a couple of laser torpedoes on the sewage system. The havoc!!!
😀😀
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Very inspiring article written!
Very true mate, often used instead of the highly overused, 'I have a headache', excuse.
every day is a new day and i wish you a happy full new day.
#hive #posh
Ha ha I knew it took a lot to cover up that disappointment. Not what you expected though. I normally love reading you stories and in takes a lot to compose them. Keep up the nice work man. Looking forward to your next. 👍👍
Hope that toi-light whispers _'pee straight!', beam me up Scotty...
!BEER trust you had a good one!
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