Eh up duck!
I cried as I sauntered into the lounge.
The Good Lady and her Doula friend Olette looked up from where they were crouched over the big table pushing at little pieces of paper.
Are you trying to be Northern?
Squawked Olette fixing me with a raptor-like stare.
Who, me, luv?
I cried with a merry swish as I headed into the kitchen on the hunt for meat.
Never mind him, he always wakes up in a 'hilarious' mood on a Monday.
The Good Lady sighed putting her head down and getting back to whatever the pair of them had been up to.
Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed they had glitter-glue. I twitched violently. Nothing good ever comes of glitter-glue.
I took a couple of steps back and attempted to peek at the table to see what they were doing.
Oi!
Both the Good Lady and Olette cried as they shielded their doings with their leathery arm-things.
I shuddered at the tiny glimpse I had managed to catch of their doings. It looked suspiciously like what ladies think vulvas look like. Lots of them made out of paper and glue. Like insane feminist wedding confetti.
Hmmph. I don't know why they hadn't asked me to join in. I could have achieved a much more realistic look with some jerky and caramelised onion.
Are you making Christmas decorations?
I asked innocently.
Olette made a grumping noise then answered.
Of a sort, yes.
She shook her head at the folly of men.
I peeked to the side and managed to see a little more.
Just to be sure... are those little vaginas or pigs you are stringing together?
I asked with rakishly handsome humour.
Daddy-Bear, beat it. We are busy.
Snipped the Good Lady without looking up.
Ok, I'll beat it. Just one thing though?
I hovered on the brink of lounge and kitchen.
Both of the doula women looked up at me suspiciously.
Yes?
They skrawked almost as one.
I hope you're not going to hang them up outside the house because the neighbors across the way, well, you know.. they're Muslim and you know the whole pig thing?
I grinned like a handsome fellow who still had both ears.
Right you... Beat it!!
The Good Lady shouted, throwing something pink and wobbly in my direction.
I gave a final chuckle and ran.
I LIKE this. I really like your style and wit. Humour on point. I could see Pink Floyd's "The Wall" The giant flower, chasing you on your way out the door, as you cried laughing the entire way. :)
Thank you very much! Love your username btw!
The connection between pigs and vaginas started in the 1600's.
You know you are curious. Click me.
OK, there was a slight barrier.
I clicked it and before I knew it I was sheathed in glory!!! :0)
Like knights of old, your armour gleamed!!!
Haha, gleamed is most definitely the word I was looking for!
Best form of contraception ever XD
For whatever reason I read Olette's "are you trying to be northern?" with a snooty British accent.
Also because you keep doing dialogue in italics I have long since decided you're all psychic and communicating telepathically XD
Hehe, I think it would be far more fun if we were communicating telepathically!! I always wondered to myself why I started writing that way!
She is quite snooty but snooty Scottish which is a weird thing!
Nothing says Christmas like vaginas I always say!
Christmas pork scratchings!!
"Nothing good ever comes of glitter-glue."
Never have truer words been written. The devilish sparkly remnants of past children's crafts pervade the library. It is inescapable.
It truly is. Carpets, books and tables.. . Everything gets cursed by it!!
Pigs at Christmas, what's going on here then? Santa is known to have pink cheeks, that's the best I can come up with!
You have lost the internet?
I'm on a bloody train and my signal is as weak as chips. Everything kept timing out and when that happens I get panicky that it
I am double posting or such!!
Pigs or worse, I fear the worst!!! :0D
Not seen a double post in a while - i wonder how the Steem community would take to those these days?!
Sticky glitter should be banned though, or only used in the workplace where your belongings are safe!
I like the make the doubler a new post entirely strategy!!!
No place ever for glitter glue. It's the law!!
Your short stories are always a laugh riot! Pigs and vaginas? Who knew?
I think it's a feminist secret, don't tell!!! :0D
It's hard to run away from those pig decorations here because it's year of the pig and all sort of pig decorations were already up for the whole year since beginning of the Chinese New Year
I can imagine, no escape at all!!!
Now, we are starting to be "infested" with Mickey and Minnie because the coming is year of the rat. But... mouse....hmmm😎
The year of the rat is truly the finest year!! Not that I'm biased ;0)
This little piggy came here to see if this is !DERANGED enough.
So many piggies!! Cheers! :0)
I like deranged!! Cheers!
Despite having the worst internet connection in the world I shared it to Twitter!
They banned me for taking the piss out of poli-ticians tusk tusk. :-)
Tusk tusk!!! Boom boom!!! Lol!
!BEER
for you
View or trade
BEER.Hey @meesterboom, here is a little bit of
BEERfrom @eii for you. Enjoy it!