Hello! I am Jorn, pleased to meet you!
A man with a big plastic smile stuck his hand out to shake mine and fixed me with a bright pair of squirrel-like eyes.
My work had introduced a new productivity booster. The Super Breakout sessions. A third party organisation had been brought in to supercharge our productivity. This involved a series of short fifteen minute positive-coaching sessions for everyone.
This was my first.
I shook Jorn's hand whilst making my patented, something smells like a lady-tramps minge around here face.
Please have a seat BoomDawg, it's ok if I call you BoomDawg isn't it, BoomDawg?
I sat in a different chair to the one he had pointed at and carried on looking at him with a witchy eye.
Yes, that's fine John. Thank you.
For the briefest of moments his insane toothy grin slipped slightly before tightening right back up to his forehead.
Ha, John. Yes, I get that all the time. It is Jorn though.
I put a finger to my chin and looked thoughtful.
Is it?
I asked as if perhaps it wasn't.
His smile slipped again.
Yes, of course. A little unusual I know but that's the name I was given!
I studied him and nodded slowly.
Ok then. Jorn it is.
Splendid!
Jorn sat in a chair across from me. I looked at the clock on the wall. Two minutes had passed. That was good. Thirteen minutes of this nonsense left.
He didn't speak.
Neither did I.
He looked slightly smug.
A minute passed. Neither of us had spoken. It seemed a bit weird to me but I was damned if I was going to let some mad highly-paid fanny of a consultant mess with my head.
Jorn crossed his legs. He seemed to be growing smugger and was nodding to himself slightly as if everything was going to plan.
I was getting bored, another minute passed.
Fuck this. I thought. I pulled out my phone and had a look at the latest seas of red in the cryptosphere.
Oh no, sorry, no phones please!
Jorn yelped.
He seemed a little put out. Grudgingly I put my phone away and stared angrily at his belly. I have found this a good technique to un-nerve a man.
Three minutes had passed when Jorn piped up.
Ok then! That was very good!
I didn't reply, just stared furiously at his belly.
What we were doing there was using silence. Learning not to be afraid of silence.
I couldn't help myself. I looked away from his belly and up to his face.
What?
Jorn spread his hands wide.
It is one of many techniques we will be going through in our Super Sessions. So many people are afraid of silence. They often feel the need to fill a gap in a conversation. But do you know how much can be gained by letting someone else speak? Letting them fill in the gaps and join the dots?
I looked at him in disgust. Was this for real? Had my workplace finally jumped the shark? This was beyond the pail.
He looked at me expectantly.
I stroked my chin and started staring at his belly again.
I do want you to feel comfortable in these sessions. This is a safe space. You can discuss anything here.
He said earnestly.
I snorted to myself. This is Glasgow you fucking buffoon, there are no safe spaces.
Alright then.
I said.
He looked a little anxious.
I hope that you have found this short taster useful? We are aiming over the next few sessions to equip you with the tools to make a positive difference in your work life and dare I say it? Beyond?
I lifted my gaze from his no doubt terrified by now belly and looked him straight in the eye. A million responses whipped through my head, most of them along the lines of asking him if he was a fucking loonball.
Instead I nodded and stood holding my hand out for another shake.
Oh yes, this is splendid! Thank you.
He stood and shook my hand enthusiastically.
That's great, see you at the next session!
I headed off, shaking my head like a diseased badger crawling into a bin to die.
'Learning not to be afraid of silence...'
What has become of the world!?!
Thank you for posting @meesterboom.
Madness indeed.
I suspect you traded places with him now and again much to his chagrin.
Perhaps you will write a cheat sheet to such morbid sessions for your co-workers.
Lovely post.
Wishing you and yours all the best. ^__^
Weekend here we come.....hehe.
Cheers!
Hola Mon Ami!!
See what I did there! ;0)
Hehe, I did try to turn it round a bit !!
Lovely to see garding about m'dear! All the best to you and yours too, I hope you are well ?
Thank you for your kind reply and query @meesterboom.
No worries.......Life has intruded a bit....in a good way. ^__^
Of course...how can it be good if it takes one away from Steemit. hehe
A bientot!
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... ...
Alright! Good talk, Boom Brother! I'm sure by now you've already connected the dots of this conversation. Now, stop staring at my bulge! My belly, of course!
Why would the powers that be need to increase productivity by making their staff suffer through mindless exercise such as these? I know! They had extra money that was burning a hole in their pockets and they felt the need to through it away quickly! And just how many of these wonderful sessions are you destined to go through? I would think one was sufficient...
I have four of them!?! True madness, 1 down though!
Do these people really think they are useful or do they know they're full of shit and just act the part?
He who hired should be fired.
I think it's all acting, something's they do the mask for a second and you see it. The worst is that there is a new breed of them now and they are all weird NLP stuffs
I thought that by now everybody would know that motivational training is there only to make you work harder without getting paid more.
They still think they can fool us all!!
I do not want to sound unsympathetic but like you say... What has become of this world. Good old days of this is your work, you have to do it, and keep yourself positive, you have to get through puberty, school sucks, get over it and so on...we are raising a generation now where parents are too scared to say NO to their kids. Gosh we were told NO many times and just had to deal with it . Too many mojo these days....and people believing the the world owes them something and everybody needs a pat on the back . No that is just tiring.
It is very tiring!
Testing your fear of silence?? What the hell is that nonsense? He keeps that shit up and he will need to fear the wrath of your foot buried straight up his arse. Next time maybe you should slap him with your phone. Make him bleed like the markets.
Hehe, it's nuts isn't it!?
I like your thinking, I will have the phone out next time :0)
A truly WTF moment ... so now he knows you're not afraid of silence - and also that silence can be intimidating. Well done! lol.
Aye, it was like something surreal!
Sounded like complete bull shit! I hate those kinds of things. Silence indeed! Bring it on!
Silence is only good in the dead of the night!
These things I hated when I worked in a relationship of dependence, things without meaning that does not help anyone, much less the economy of a company, these people are very expensive, however I must admit that you manage to have fun and look for the side fun of the situation.
Many sgracias dear friend @meesterboom for another funny story
I wish you a happy evening
They are a total waste of time and so expensive, alas the high ups never seem to care
Shhhh! be very very quiet, I’m hunting wabbits.
Elmer Fudd
Hehe, yes, Elmer had the right of it!!
The truth is, I have never understood the companies, at least in those that I have worked with, that begin with those "bullshit" (nonsense) of hiring a third party organization, for working in the personal and labor development of their employees ... for me, the only clear result that they achieve with this strategy is to throw away the money (they give it to a third party), to bore the employee and often stress it, so that from that moment on, the employee will never want to go any other course that the company wants to send it.
Highly motivated employees in productivity sessions!
From my years of experience, I can say that the employees or workers what they normally want and with which they would be happy, would be: as much salary as possible, attend family parties or sports activities and give them a lot of liquor. These conditions, for sure, greatly improve the work environment, the staff remains motivated and is probably cheaper than hiring a third party organization.
Observe these employees: they are extremely happy ... Probably tomorrow they will be a little bit haggard; but, with all security will be extremely motivated, waiting for the next party!
And I wonder: What will a party be like in silence?...
Greetings @meesterboom
I think they love throwing away money!
Think of the megabucks your company is paying just so you aren't afraid of silence.
You missed your calling, become an adviser, do nothing, slow production, and get paid for it.
I definitely did miss my calling there;
This Super Session was just a waste of meesterboom's time. It is better to increase productivity by not engaging in these third parties organisation at all. Upvoted!
It wasas an immense waste of time!!
Basically pretended that you like to be there quietly with the hahaha the funniest thing will be when you should meet again with the lol XD
I hope not!
(The context not the delivery, delivery is on point.)
Hehe!
This is madness!!! I was drinking water and as I saw this picture. Believe me. I laughed so loud that water stucked in my throat... Thats funny
Thank you