Daddy, daddy. Look at me, look at me!!
The Little Boom came running into the garden where I was enjoying some rays contemplating the ineffability of existence.
Whassup dude?
I grunted from my recliney lounger thing that I was spread on like wet fudge.
My tooth!!! Look my tooth!!!
He brandished his hand and on it lay a small white thing sparkling innocently as it's it knew nothing of the horror to come.
Look see!!
The Little Boom grinned madly at me and suddenly it all made sense as I noticed the bloody gap in his front teeth.
Ah! Your front tooth! It's finally came out! Hot dogs man, that's awesome!
I high fived the cheery little bastard and pulled him in for a big hug.
How much will I get for it from the tooth fairy?
I could see him already counting his riches in terms of teeth and chuckled.
I guess we will just have to wait and see eh?
I raised my eyebrow in the mysterious way of parents who try to deflect their children from such nonsense subjects like Santa or Jesus.
Harris in my class got one hundred pounds for his first front tooth!!
The Little Boom beamed at the thought of the tooth fairy leaving him a suitcase of Benjamin's over night in exchange for an old bit of bone.
I beg your pardon!?
I would have staggered back in horror at the idea but I was almost lying down and it's hard to stagger when lying down unless you are an old Irish drunk.
One hundred pounds for his first front tooth!! Isn't that amazing! I hope I get that!
The Little Boom jumped up and down with excitement.
One hundred fucking pounds indeed. Harris's parents were obviously a pair of fucking wankers.
We will see, we will see.
I shoo'd the little guy away and braced myself for the impending disappointment in the morning as he realised that some tooth fairy's aren't as fucking stupid as others.
Some time later a shadow fell over me and I irritably twitched an eye open.
Daddy Bear, the little guy needs help.
It was the Good Lady, she was pushing theLittle Boom forward. No longer was he cheerfully mentally spending a hundred ill-gotten bucks, now he was sobbing his heart out as he clutched at his mouth.
What is it?
I said holding all the what the fucks inside.
Daddy, it's my other toof. I want it out. It hurts!!
The little guy wobbled his remaining front tooth at me which indeed looked to be in a precarious state, swinging back and forth like a cockney lady's ham flaps.
Oh man, it's not got the support of the other tooth. That's a shame little guy but we just have to wait till it's ready to drop. There's nothing we can do.
I made my sympathy face which looks like the same face I use when I feed ducks with illegal bread.
It's really uncomfortable for him. He is a pure state. We need to help him.
The Good Lady pleaded with me as if I were one of those golf carts that wouldn't start when you sat in it and everyone was watching.
Daddy!!! Help! I want it out. TAKE IT OUT!!!
The little guy was winding himself up into a stramash of distress.
Dude, I can't pull your tooth out? I'm not a dentist.
The pair of them started at me with accusing eyes. The weight of their Daddy can fix everything'ness pulling at me.
I'm not a dentist?
I aimed this at the Good Lady with more than a hint of pleading myself.
TAKE IT OUT!
The Little Boom yelled as he wobbled his tooth angrily.
IT HURTS!
Flecks of bloody spit flew forth as he shouted.
Can't you give it a try?
The Good Lady squealed in anguish at the unfolding chaos.
I looked back and forth for an escape route but there was nothing.
I'm not a fucking dentist.
I whimpered as involuntarily I found myself reaching forth to the little guy's mouth with tissue wrapped fingers.
I gave his tooth a wobble. It was spectacularly loose. Surely it would just fall out with the tiniest of tugs?
Are you sure?
I squeaked at them both.
They nodded.
Ok, here goes. It might be a little sore but it will be ok.
I gave the loose tooth a bit of a pull and sure enough it popped out with ease like a mouse's eye in a trap.
There! No bother! We all good?
I looked at the little slightly bloody tooth in my fingers and beamed with pride.
I did it! I was a fucking dentist! I looked at the Little Boom and the Good Lady awaiting my* best dad in the world* accolades.
Then the screaming began.
Now, you could claim that the Tooth Fairy covers your Dental services costs first. And then leave the difference under the pillow.
Man, inflation has gone bonkers! Or is it deflation? Anyhow, it's getting nuts.
It is getting nuts. I should have claimed it all up front, lol.
It was fine once the screaming stopped and he was happy with his five pounds thankfully! :OD
Hahaha you can add dentist to your portfolio now. Dev Dentist! What a combo! Hahahaha funny enough we had the first tooth experience soon. And the mister pointed out how weird the tooth fairy actually is. A little demon collecting bones from little children... Something wicked this way comes...
Also Hariss' parents are indeed wankers! 100 fucken pounds! What the actual fuck!
Also Harris' parents are definitely wakers! 100 pounds! What tge actual fick?!
Also how the hell are you boom, it's been a minute...
I have been grand misssus!! How the heck have you been?
It is a bizarre concept! I saw some cartoon with the kids once and they depicted the tooth fairy as living in a castle made of teeth and I was like eewww WTF?!
I can confirm that Harris's parent are indeed the fullest of wankers! :OD
Congratulations on "being a dentist" to your little child. Your child and your wife were so happy about it.
Gonna make 200 pounds for the two teeth.😁
Haha, thank you.
I still feel weak kneed at the screaming that followed the removal!
He will be disappointed at the return from the tooth fairy 🤣🤣
You're welcome.😊
It was part of the process too. At least you made it! Your little child was brave.
Hahaha, the tooth fairy is broke.🤣🤣
He was brave, I was astonished at how happy he was for me to do it despite my wibbling!!
The truth fairy ain't built for this modern expensive world!
You trained it well together with your wife.😊
The ice cream is a splendid idea! I shall get on that now. 😀😀
You're welcome.😊
I knew you had it in you, to be a dentist I mean. It's something to do with the way you ask perfectly normal questions to people while their mouths are wide open and pretend you know what the fuck "u gghugh guggugeeheu uguggeyguhheger means in response.
Fucken dentists and their questions.
Well done on attaining your degree in dentistry mate, you must feel so proud.
Also, them Cockney ladies and their ham flaps mate, it's that flapperflupperty sound they make when the wind blows that is so unnerving.
That's me, next stop root canal treatment. Roll up roll up, I am sure their will be a volunteer soon!
This ham flaps flapping are a worldwide attraction. The tourists love it. Of course, the smell not so much 🤣🤣
I'd totally trust you pulling teeth, doing root canals and crowns, I'd even pay you...all good dentists need enough money to be able to drive a Jaguar F-Pace.
Also...it's a smell that one never forgets...but one wishes one could.
I can see a lucrative career incoming. Right up until the first lawsuit!!!
It's why there are so many seagulls in London. So I have been told
Haha, yeah seagulls fucken love it.
There were fucking millions of them hanging about my boy last night. I hope a Londoner hasn't got trapped under my decking 😀😀
🤣
Jesus. This gave me chills just reading it. Pulling it with your fingers! Yikes.. Next time do the civilized thing and tie it to a length of string and conjure up some crazy plan of removal like tying it to a slamming door or toy Nerf gun dart, or a speeding car.
Also 100 pounds! Well, That's inflation for you 😂
I couldn't believe they wanted me to do it!! I was like get to fucking fuck!
It came out remarkably easily though, just a bit of blood, tears and screaming.
He's getting a fiver for both teeth. A hundred pounds, some people are crazy!! 😀
That's good that it came out easily. Couldn't imagine what the alternative would be like. Knee on chest for leverage, pull with two arms 😂
It's good to set expectations early on 😆
Oh lordy, I had a terrible vision it might be something like that. Him thrashing about and me doing tug-o-war style pulling. Icould never have managed, I would have fainted!
For sure. Like I said, just reading it gave me chills lol.
Hehe, yeah teeth are things that should be seen and not felt!
😂
I had an accident when I was a child and broke eight teeth and I had them all fixed for $200.
Oucha!!
I hope that was not too long ago and was not to expensive but I have a feeling it might be longer and have been horrifyingly expensive!
Hey, if your tooth fairy starts giving 100 per tooth there Dr. Boom, you can pull all my damn teeth. I will just gum my damn food for the rest of my life.
I think I would give up my own as well if that was the case! 🤣🤣
Ah, this reminded me of my childhood. No one even considered going to a dentist to have their milk teeth removed. It's either it falls off on its own, or parents tie a string around the tooth, tie the other end on a door handle, and slam it shut. And don't get me started on the tooth fairy. That was such a foreign concept to us that I don't think anyone my age got anything. Getting 100 for a tooth? Kids these days are too lucky.
That was my experience too. You wouldnt go to a dentist you would just worry away at the tooth to the point where it was spinning around and still wouldn't come out. What a relief when it did.
I think the world has gone bananas when it comes to expenditure on kids. I wouldn't do it but I am horrified that some see it as nothing unusual!
I guess that's what the media has been portraying and people just accept it as the norm. It doesn't help that people share it to other people that they know and there is some sort of peer pressure to do the same.
So how much is little boom getting for his two teeth? haha
He got five pounds in total! Thats not bad, 2.50 a tooth. He was well happy :OD
Haha that's awesome. 100 pounds was insane, even for two.
I thought so too. I can only imagine that they have cash floating around everywhere!
Arrrrghhhhhh....
My Grandfather had a tiny pair of plyers that he used for just such things, if asked for the help of course.
He DID get 200 pounds under his pillow that night.... right?... oh wait...does the tooth go under the pillow and is replaced by riches while the child sleeps there? Not sure what traditions are common.
We wrapped our little teeth in the corner of a hankie and put it under the pillow. In the morning, there would be a quarter wrapped in it and the tooth had disappeared when we woke up. Of course, a quarter bought more a hundred years ago than it does now. LOL... we were pretty happy about it. There were five of us though, so setting precedence was very important !
Hell no, he ain't getting that!! He's getting a fiver and that's for both of them!! Although, weirdly he is thinking of keeping them and not giving them to too l the tooth fairy. Not as mercenary as his old man
Imagine having pliers for it, I feel giddy at the thought and not inn a good way! 😀
ha ha ...They were fairly small pliers, but more sure of a grip than fingers on a damp or bloody tooth. One sure tug instead of several tries I suppose was the idea.
Aaaaggh. I get it!!! The idea gives me the herbs.
Was he a torturer in a past life, unexplained holidays and well off? 😀😀
LOL.... no... well.... not that I know of, however, he was a long distance truck driver the majority of his working life, so one can never be quite sure, can one ????
There you go!! The classic cover!!
Imagine that, the notoriety. It will be in the blood you know 😉
It's always the most innocent looking folks that give the biggest surprises, right ? I just haven't figured out yet what horrendous thing I want to be known for after I croak. LOL
100 pounds for a tooth! In my day I was lucky to get a quarter lol. Inflation I guess. Good work on your dentistry. At least you didn't tie a string to it and then tie the other to a door handle then slam the door shut, haha.
I did have a thought of the tooth and string and door idea! I saw it in Tom Sawyer and Friends. But I thought it had the propensity rto go terribly wrong! lol
lol yeah I can't believe people actually do it, but they definitely do, especially when I was growing up lol, maybe it was just a US thing?
You could totally see why, it would work a treat but my god, the horror as the string was tied, Yeek!
For sure!! haha
Now any fella with an iota of common sense..., charge the Good Lady for being a temporary dentist, two hundred bucks was the deal.
Little Boomer, teach how tooth fairy paid into your slipper, normally only a tickey per tooth, with inflation now fifty-pence to be fair, rest goes into some !BEER
Did you say... I charge for good advice? 🙃
I might have to find more inventive ways to charge her, I know she's skint! :OD
Not you as well at the charging! Its charging madness everywhere! lol
Squirrel it away, you have to...
Charging lifestyle, battery goes 💥
I will add it to the list of swings!!
Bloody batteries, a necessary but annoying evil!
You gonna pay up one way or another....
There is always a price to pay! :OD
Never ends.....
And we used to be thrilled with 25cents from the toothfairy!
Same, I think it started with 10 for us! I think the kid in his class is a spoiled wee bastard! :OD
A hero to the little Boom, that's what you are! A hundred pounds for just one tooth, huh? Mind you don't sleep with your mouth open lol
Hehe, yeah. I wouldnt fancy sleeping too deeply in that house! You would be cleaned out!! LOL!
Ah, this got me so nostalgic! I think we all have funny stories about being kids and losing our teeth. Lovely too!
There are many tales of it. I dont remember it being such a horrifying event but I guess that is the passage of time! 😀
Give him the hundred pounds for the tooth then charge 200 for being the dentist.. life lessons
Haha, a much better lesson would be getting the back of my hand for free!! 🤣🤣
I've no idea of the going rate for dental fallout these days. I think our kids got a quid, but that's a while ago. It wouldn't surprise me if people go mad on the first tooth these days. We didn't have the pressure and influence of social media.
That later scene brought back memories of Tom Hanks doing some DIY dentistry in Cast Away. Ouch!
Lol, that's a film I never got round to seeing! I think I felt betrayed back then by Jamie because he was always the comedy man then he went all serious.
A hundred quid is nuts. I checked with the good lady and she confirmed it was true. I was aghast that anyone would. Probably is so they can boost on tiktok or something!
Just tell him he'll get a nice vote on Hive 😃 We need a tooth fairy on here.
We need an army of them! :OD
Little Boom just didn't want another hundred quid, did he? : ) I wanted to get my ear pierced when I was a teen but couldn't afford to get it done at the mall. My dad agreed to do it and walked into the room with a sewing needle and a potato (the potato went behind the ear lobe). He was like a battleground surgeon, had to be with us boys around.
Oh man, I heard about people getting their ears done like that!!
I got mine done "professionally" and our still went all infected and was a pain in the arse for months before I gave up. Should have gone potato home style!!
He numbed it with an ice cube first. It really wasn't that bad except for the sound. It reminded me of a fork going into a raw potato. Oh no! They must not have sterilized the gun they used. Dad sterilized his sewing needle with a Bic cigarette lighter before this potato-style piercing debut!
That is proper sterilisation! I can hear the sound of it in my head right now. Yeek!
😂
You've got a VERY fun writing style. Especially the narrative and the dialogue...which comprises most of the story. But still. I don't enjoy reading, so don't expect much. But this was fun.
Ha! Thank you. I just shoot shit out there and try to be funny, if I can half hit the mark half of the time I am happy :O)
Half hitting the mark half the time, is certainly better than never hitting the mark all of the time. So kudos to that!
That sounds like bloody profound philosophy to me! Hurrah!!
Then we're likely to get along, sifting about in the large hat of madness the hatter wore.
That large hat is life itself!!
That large hat is the universe.
Urk... you're making me cringe, I have a thing about wobbly teeth (a part of you that's gone for good once vacated).
Tooth Fairies, now it depends what postcode you have. Some only pay 5p per tooth, that would be my reasoning. 10p is 100% more and just happens to be Boomy's house.
I am a bit cringey on the teeth front myself!!
It's £2 a tooth! But he got a bonus of a pound for em being frontiers 😀😀
I hope they come in straight. The daughter's was a mare when they came in!
£2.., that's £98 less than that other kid... how mean!
The going rate for me was 5p, which bought me 2 packets of crisps and a Jammie dodger.
Lol, I think two quid isnt far off that for 2 packets of crisps and a jammy dodger these days! :OD
That was my staple diet for the morning break at little school. I should have been a fat bastard, but was as skinny as they come.
It was similar to mine, I practically lived on crisps. I think I thought they were healthy as well. lol!
Of course, a hundred pounds for a tooth is a really good deal!
If I knew such a generous fairy I think I would pull out a couple of my own teeth... Or I could turn to you for the extraction, you are now a professional dentist so I guess I have nothing to fear! :-P
Oh yes, come to me, nothing but grippy fingers and an old rag for the blood. I love this new job! :OD
When I heard one hundred pounds I was practically round that house with some of my own in a cup! :OD
I'm sure it would be an excellent option to have a tooth pulled by you, professionalism and above all an adventure to tell!
One hundred pounds, absurd indeed! Preserving childhood teeth and using them with today's fairies would have been a huge investment!
!PGM
Oh yes, I am the master of teeth., Come to me for all your yanky pull tooth requirements. I promise only a minimum of blood and gore!
But that Little Boom is a real businessman... is now £200! 😄
I remember that I used to tie my own tooth with a cord and pull it! If I had known that they asked for money for that... but right now I will go to my father and ask him to give me 100 for every tooth I have saved.
You should, it is your birth right. You have found the magical shortcut to riches!! 😀😀
Nah... I don't have any of that in store. I'll keep reading the great meeesterboom to find the shortcut. Surely some other clue you give. 😄
🤣🤣🤣 a freaking dentist. How great is that? Lol.
They got you good. They did so well together until you gave in. I hope you are ready with additional bucks to leave under the pillow😅😅.
Lol, I am the low bucks man for the pillow. He will have to get better parents if he is wanting the big rewards!! 😀😀
😂😂...I am sure he already got you pin on himself and not letting go. For the rewards...ehn, you'll make something happen. Hehe.
Hehe
It is obvious that the Little Boom likes money a lot. He made sure you help him remove the second tooth so that he would get 200 pounds😅😅😅
He’s so funny😅😅😅
Dont worry, he aint getting anything like that. He can be the poor man of the class! :OD
100 pounds haha! It’s certainly gone up since I was a kid. We used to get 50 pence haha.
It was fifty pence for me too. Its gone mad now! 😀
#hive #posh
Cheers 🙂
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Splendid! I will aim for 2K!
I remember the elaborate string to the door handle, the other end tied to my tooth ... then my older sister gleefully slamming the door. I'm sure she really hoped it didn't pop the tooth out so that she could do it a few more times.
Then there was the horror that the tooth went flying and I might not get any money from the tooth fairy!!! We eventually found it ... and ... back then, the tooth fairy gave out silver dollars. But, in the morning, after I found my silver dollar, I had to give it to my parents for safe keeping... The next time we went to the store, I could get a treat in lieu of that dollar.
It's actually just dawning on me now ... I wonder if it was always the same silver dollar???? I might have to get to the bottom of this.
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