Today I went to the races with a good friend Jeremiah. Quite frankly a marvellous fellow when looking for a bit of rambunctious fun despite having ears like a granny's underflaps.
I am quite renowned for my love of the fillies so it is always a splendid thing to watch them get all lathered up whilst racing for money. Of course, no races would be complete without a little gin on the stands with a cigar and it was while we shared a snifter that Jeremiah told me of the mishap with his gardener.
Apparently, the blighter had the effrontery to ask for gloves now that the weather was turning colder.
The cheek of it, did you oblige?
I enquired. I half feared the answer because Jeremiah was notorious in the club for his temper.
Oblige?! Oblige?! I stuck a brush up his arse and told him to shut his peasant mouth and sweep the bloody leaves up!
I breathed a sigh of relief that his response had been so reasonable.
Did that sort him out then?
No, the rapscallion started shouting about his vowels or something. Started dragging the brush about quite half-heartedly. Blood everywhere. I was not amused.
Jeremiah held his hands under his chin and made a dry vagina face.
Milord, Milord. My vowels. You've burst them!
We both chortled till we were red in the face then turned our attention back to the track. I had some money on Silk Purse Snatcher to romp home and I had that special feeling I was on to a winner.
It was later as I settled into my big old armchair and placed my slippered soles on the maids back that I contemplated the deeds of the day.
How preposterous that Jeremiah's gardener and his dirty fingered ilk should seek to elevate themselves above their station. Although the fellow had died he was lucky to have been treated so leniently. We had chipped in and sent the widow half a loaf and a farthing to help dry her eyes.
Perhaps I should boot up the old pooter and turn my attention to my needy steemians. I was in the mood to dole out some...
SpamFarmer1: You are voting for inactive witnesses! Are you aware of this?
Uncle Boom: And?
SpamFarmer1: You could remove your vote and asign it to active witnesses who can do good for steemit.
Uncle Boom: Ah!! You mean you want your piggy snout in the trough at the big boys table gobbling down all that Steem old fellow?
SpamFarmer1: Active witnesses that don't miss blocks are a benifit to Steemit.
Uncle Boom: Oink oink piggy. I will vote for who I please. Preferably a witness who can spell.
SpamFarmer2: Wana exchange voted?
Uncle Boom: Fuck off dickface.
SpamFarmer3: Do you like Parkour ? does that even sounds amazing for you? Want to see me doing parkour?
Uncle Boom: Par-coor? Is that the foreign sexy sexy?
SpamFarmer3: Parkour? You know, free running.
Uncle Boom: Free running? In my day they called it watersports. Dreadful stink.
SpamFarmer3: Water? No my friend. Totally dry. lol
Uncle Boom: Dry? What, wait a minute? Are we talking shitting here? You want to shit on me you misshapen testicle? A little wetting is acceptable to a man of means but the third bean?!?? You are out of your mind. I will thrash the shite out of you how about that?
The insolence of you. If I could get my hand up that internet funnel I would pull out your bloody gizzards.
Hello? Hello?
Pah, he is gone.
I will be damned if I let a fellow shit on me again. Such impertinence.
A busy week this time. I hope I have managed to dispense some valuable advisements for you all? Remember, if you feel the need, you can find me on the steemit chats. Anonymity is assured, after all...
I have an advisement for all your readers, Sir.
Do not partake of spirits whilst reading Uncle Boom's adventures.
Spirits are expensive and should not be spat out at all!
On the other hand, if they are drinking mere beer or Bargain Basement Booze (Bathtub Gin) then spit away!
Always better to swallow in my opinion ;)
Tally HO! Sir!
Consider the tally ho'd!!
I have never spat a spirit apart from that time a shark tried to force is way in through the mizzen mast of my ship during the storm of '45
Very good advisement, mam.
Mate this had me spitting out my beer 😂
Fucking Hilarious 😉
Hehe, Cheers mate! I like to describe things in a way to amuse! :0D
I was planning on providing a visual for this ... but there's no NSFW tag for replies.
Bwah ha ha haha #NSFW
Aw can't you use the tag? I wonder if it works?
#nsfw
Yep, it doesn't work!
What do ya know.... it works.
Oh that's funny! I thought it didn't work but obviously for the person that makes it it isn't hidden!
loooooolll...
I think I met the same spam farmer.. btw chico vote for me am also running for a witness
I suck at spelling but hey .. I've been here a while that will do too seems like it
as long as you're famous oh.. that am not lol
Yeah, I have had a few requests and usually take them seriously but how can you take someone seriously if they can't spell when asking a favour!
Uncle Boom, I respectfully request permission to use the following with blighters that spam me:
"SpamFarmer2: Wana exchange voted?
Uncle Boom: Fuck off dickface."
I'll make sure to spell Uncle Boom with all caps. - LOL
Haha, but of course, my insults love to be shared!
You seem to have many friends with strange physical characteristics, haha!
I am trying to imagine what a dry vagina face looks like....LOL
Pigs and shitters, how dare they impose upon your valuable time?
Hehe, you mean when you think dry vagina face an image doesn't immediately spring to mind!?!
My time may be valuable but I sacrifice it for my fellow steemians :0D
I'm having a heck of a time getting my comments to post! I had to walk away for a bit before I got too frustrated.
Oh, an image came to mind, hee, but I was trying to translate into something realistic LOL
You are so generous, I can't imagine why some of those people don't respond to your help, how rude!
I have been having the same problem! Everything was going so well yesterday too. I think we are all the same in wishing they would sort this shit out!!
Ah yes, the generosity knows no bounds!!
every day that passes I admire Uncle Boom, this week was great, I love the way he handles and collaborates with SpamFarmer ..
Congratulations dear friend @ meesterboom, another great job, I can not stop laughing.
I wish you a great day
Cheers mate!! I had fun as always with the irrascible old fellow :0D
Have a great day over there!
You are so funny 😁!!! Thanks for the laugh I needed it today🌺
Thank you for the compliment! A pleasure and glad you enjoyed it :0)
Thursday's are still my favourite! Entertaining as usual.
That guy does have a point about voting for inactive witnesses though. 🤔
Hehe, he did have a point about the inactive witnesses but he is about the fifth this month to come touting for my vote! :0)
Ah the witness spam farmer! A higher calibre breed of spam farmers, but still annoying none-the-less.
Yes, there's a few of them around.
Lol there are indeed. There are some great witness but I also suspect there are quite a few that just want to get all that free steem for the job
I would agree with that.
I just checked and you're voting for 6 inactive witnesses: https://witstats.steemliberator.com/index
Good lord, that's a handy tool! Of will. I suppose that gives me six new votes then!
It certainly is. Can't remember how I found it but I've bookmarked it in my "steemit" links and check it periodically to make sure they're all still alive and performing as they should be.
Thursday with Uncle boom is always interesting...keep it up bud
Cheers dude, I believe will try to keep it salty!
welcome
he stopped responding? weird eh? hahahaha
Can't miss out on your advisory Thursdays!
I know, to just stop is unfathomably rude!
Is unfathomably rude that they just stop. Hmmph!
I have also been informed that I have been voting for inactive witnesses as well. I guess we don't know what is going on . :-(
Give up all your votes!!! Hehe
It looks like you're voting for 2 inactive witnesses: https://witstats.steemliberator.com/index
You can unvote them here: https://steemit.com/~witnesses
Jeremiah held his hands under his chin and made a dry vagina face.
Milord, you are killing me. :)
Maybe it´s just me but I do not understand what the spammers want. They want you to change your witness vote, right?
Why is this important? I am afraid I still don´t fully understand the witness thing. Can you mabe direkt me to an article?
Thanks in advance :)
Hehe, it was a great line. top twenty witnesses make a more than the rest of them. You can see in this post
https://steemit.com/witness/@jerrybanfield/our-top-20-witnesses-earn-250-steem-power-a-day
Short and sweet. I like it!
There are spammer witnesses now? Oh boy, they have really gotten a foothold here, haven't they? It's always great when spammers lecture you first before they peddle their wares. It seems that they are leveling on up in the Steemit world. We have to be more vigilant now more than ever!
Lol, they might not even be a spammer. It had all the hall marks of a spammer though. Who knows, I might live to regret it as they become the all powerful Zurg and destroy me!
AHAHA! They might not! You need not worry about anything though, dude. No horde will ever be enough to topple the your might. I expect them to piss their pants the moment you rain down Boomsday on them!!
Boomsday... Your are on fire today!!
I shall rain the fire piss down in them and that will sort them!
What can I say? I chose right when I picked a combination of lighter fluid and gasoline for breakfast. Just one spark was all I needed to ignite!!
It's one of my favourite starts to the day also!
Breakfast of Champions, I reckon!
te leo cuando tenga la compu con el traductor, estoy con otra que es muy lenta. saludos y bendiciones espero esten todos bien.
¡Espero que también seas muy chica! : 0)
I follow you @meesterboom
Feel my breasts too, nice and juicey
Hhhhhh..hhh...the vote me I like you @meesterboom
Bwahahahahahahaha
Hhhhh...I like you @meesterboom
The vote me pliss
My vote is like hot fish yogurt. Can you take my vote?
maybe i can not take but make me as your friend
I shall cuddle you and stroke your hair fondly after I have planted my seed
Snorfle!
only for once @meesterboom
They say it's enough
Thanks for you @meesterboom
nice post.i follow and upvote you.
Well done old fellow
I can't believe I missed this one - I live for Thursdays with Uncle Boom! I swear I laughed almost as much at some of the comments as I did the post. LMAO! :P
The comments are great on these posts. I love them as well!