I sat with Georgie at one of the tables in the Gentleman's Club. We had been celebrating his promotion to Detective Superintendent. It was after midnight and there were only four of us left. To say we were drunk would have been a gross understatement.
Georgie was in fine form, regaling us with tales of the investigation which had led to his promotion.
And so, there was a killer on the loose but the investigation was top secret!
Georgie waved his glass around, slopping some high grade brandy on the carpet as he beamed at us all.
A killer on the loose! Astonishing!
Cried my good friend Jude, from the sandpapered penis he called a face.
Yes, I mean, you never said a peep! Were we ever in any danger?
Warbled Julian drunkenly, another good friend, albeit one with a complexion akin to haemorrhoid cream.
Why was the investigation so secret Georgie old fellow?
I enquired casually as I took a puff from my stork bone pipe. I gave the waiting staff a pre-arranged signal.
Georgie wobbled back in his chair. A smug smile on his big purple lips. He was a fine fellow Georgie but between his weasely chin and purple lips his face rather resembled an upside down vagina. One which has seen many births.
Well chaps. I really shouldn't say. After all, the Police are quite strict about that kind of thing but hells, we are all gentlemen here are we not?
He leaned forward, his voice dropping to a theatrical whisper.
There was some suspicion among the profiling boffins that the perpetrator of these so called murderers was not a common peon but a person of breeding... Let me be blunt. A gentleman!
There was a collective gasp from Julian and Jude. I simply blew an appreciative cloud of Balsamic Riot baccy smoke out over the table.
Come now Georgie... What motive could a gentleman possibly have for these murders? I mean, a gentleman? The very idea is preposterous!
We were interrupted by waiter arriving with a tray laden with drinks, a bowl of devilled olives and a plate of truffled figs.
Georgie's face lit up.
Boomy you old dog, you know I love a party game! What do we have here?
I smiled with genuine fondness for my old friend Georgie.
Well old fellow, you have done society a great service and what better way to round off the celebrations with some party games! What would you prefer...
I gestured at the devilled olives.
Wizard's Sleeve?
I swung my hand over to the truffled figs.
Or Barney's Jar?
Julian honked like a demented seal.
Barney's Jar!! Barney's Jar!
Georgie grinned and got to his feet quite unsteadily.
It's my night Julian, I say we should go for Barney's Jar. Last time I played Wizard's Sleeve I couldn't have a hand shandy for a week!
Decided then! Barney's Jar! A bottle of Macallan, sharpish!
I yelled to the waiter who was standing mere feet from me.
We all joined Georgie in standing and loosened our belts as we formed a circle. I passed the truffled figs out between the four of us. The waiter was frantically pouring shots of MacAllan into a row of glasses.
We all took one and flung it down our necks.
Georgie motioned at me to go first. I rolled my eyes good naturedly and bent over.
Ready?... Barney's Jar!
Georgie yelled and the game commenced.
I wiped at my chin in the bathroom mirror, as I did so a flushing noise echoed out noisily from the cubicle behind me. Georgie staggered out.
Hot damn boomers. That was a fine game. Time to call it a night eh? To put it mildly, I'm bloody gubbed!
Yes indeed Georgie. A fine game. A fine game between friends. We are such good friends aren't we George old fellow?
Georgie peered at me through a whisky fuelled haze.
Of course we are Boomy, my old rum dumpling!
You look a little unsteady my old friend. Here, let me help you.
I moved over to Georgie and took his arm. He leaned heavily on me as we stepped into the hall leading back to the club proper.
Thank you Boomy old chap, I think I am a little worse for wear... I say what's that jabby thing poking into my side?
I stopped and reached a hand into my inside pocket pulling out a small but wicked looking knife.
This? Oh that's just Mathilda, my little companion.
I smiled and placed Mathilda back into my jacket.
Georgie looked a little perturbed, he steadied himself and let go of my arm.
Why do you need to carry a bloody blade around with you old chap? Such a nasty looking thing too?
I stopped and turned to face him, the sounds of the club were muted back here. I opened my arms wide and laughed.
Oh Georgie, surely you should know better than anyone...
Just as I thought I would read some Jack the Ripper Story or Sherlock Holmes or Hercule Poirot, the story went in totally different direction...And to finish with Matilda 😪. Uuuuhhh,....Matilda looks more like Jeronimo to me...🤔🤔🤔
Here, maybe Mathilda can be many things! I wanted this one too beer more of a tense scene setter :0)
Yes, I get it...There is always hidden meaning in this Uncle Boom's Episodes...😉😉😉
There is!! I take great joy in doing it that way!! ITs a nice bit of escapism
Oh my stars and garters! I missed Georgie's end! What have I done! He was so hot on your trail too! As we all know, a more formidable adversary must be waiting around the bend. Since charred whathisface has been disposed off, I have a theory as to who might spell defeat for the good uncle. A certain lady of house Fotheringham perhaps?
Is Georgie gone or not!! That is the question!! :0D
That is a question! But, the even bigger question is why is Georgie?
And that is why he is!!!:0D
I thought Georgie was a girl. It is the name of a girl!!!
Also, I assume that most of your stories are real life situations romanticized.
Do you really go around with a knife?
Hehe, well done you!! Yes, most of my stories are romanticised/reimagined versions of current events in my life.
With one exception, uncle boom is entirely fictional! :0D
@meesterboom I was waiting for my thursday fixture of Uncle Boom.My highlight of a thursday evening.Oh my gosh you did not dissapoint.Mmmm A Gentleman never tells! What is he up to?That did not sound like no swiss army knife but a very lethal one indeed.I am sorry but when I picture Georgie i cant help but laugh out loud. His face what a facinating discription.The poor old sod.Only a face a mother could love. A lady never repeats the very descriptive line used but honestly you got to love them.Cant wait for next weeks edition👍🏼😊
Hehe, Cheers m'dear!!!!
I do have a lot of fun when it comes to the descriptive posts of an Uncle Boom tale :0)
Hmmm, poor Georgie - I believe he may have solved his last case ....
I think he might be on the thinnest of ice!!
"sandpapered penis he called a face" Man you have the best sayings. I have been importing these to the United States. lol
Haha, excellent. Spread them sayings far and wide! :0D
Now that sounds like a game that will get you pissed in a hurry. We used to play a drinking game called "Up the river, Down the river. Let me tell you, by the time the game ended we were the river. lol. Gotta love when you are hanging out with a penis head and a vag face. Surprised the other guy didn't have an arse for a face.
Bahahahahaha
Lmao.Thats blimmen hilarious.Terrible Triplets that would be. They would turn heads for all the wrong reasons!
Maybe they would be an unstoppable force on the dating scene!! Lolz!!
Oooooh how about a bit of Tinder.Left or Right. What ever Tickles your Tackle.( I really need to stop laughing out loud and espec at my own jokes).The mugshots on that something out of Guess Who?
Maybe they could be superheroes?? I can just imagine the names... lol
Lol😂😂😂.My gosh will leave that with @meesterboom he is very creative with his words😉
Hehe, that would have been a fine trinity of faces!!
I have played many drinking games and man, they all end in tears!
Keeping Knife in Pocket for? :O
Horrible things!
:3
Ooooooooh!
That twist got me turning like the Beatles on ice.
That's some turning!! :0D
Quite the enjoyable yarn, Old Boom!
Thank you very much old chap!
so the boommiester is enveloped in mystery... I once had a double edged blade, could never figure out what side to use to cut with...
You only use one side, so th other is razor sharp... just in case!! :O)
Georgie, the Detective Superintendent, I think he suspects something of Uncle Boom; It is a matter of time for Georgie to take action against Uncle Boom ... If this does not happen, it means that Uncle Boom and Georgie are accomplices in the murders or are members of the secret police of the government ... In any case, I think Georgie must be careful because Uncle Boom is preparing it for the final chapter where Mathilda can be the protagonist ... And always the liquor is present in Uncle Boom meetings. Greetings @meesterboom
It just wouldnt be Uncle B wthout the liquor!
You're right
I fear what would happen to Georgie after this after he knew that you were carrying with you a knife?!! Upvoted!
He could be in trouble!
I am quite sure Mathilda is so sexy to look at.
And I can totally see a Comedy Central series based on this.
Haha, that would be an awesome thing!
So, is poor old Georgie done for? Does Uncle Boom have it in his cold, dark heart? Stay tuned for more of Uncle Boom's antics, maybe...
Maybe... Just maybe!
That's just what I was thinking! And we have to wait a whole week to find out!!
This was a very mysterious story, even more intriguing is what the hell is Barneys Jar!!! And I must say, uncle boom seems to have a lot of ugly friends with faces like nether regions!
No-one looks good next to Uncle Boom!!!
Or is uncle boom the homely one and is friends just plain ugly! 😉
Why is uncle boom not drunk like old chap Georgie.....I am sure when georgie saw the knife and heard uncle boom laugh...He knew whr the killer has been hiding....But whr did sandpapered penis face jude disappeared to...😂😂😂😂
Maybe he disappeared to the same place as your vote :O)
Those guys are ugly bunch, no wonder you need a bottle of McAllen...
It does help!
so nice post i like it thanks fore shear this post sir