Is this a strange old Armadillo! Cuddling up, leaving marks on my pillow!!
I sang the old Tony Christie classic under my breath as I waltzed into my old office.
Although in this version a short and twee, fat man from the UK is singing it.
A burly security guard stood in my way and brandished an odd-looking white gun at me.
Temperature check.
He grunted with a sneery air of dissatisfaction as if he had caught me pushing snacks through the fence at his wife for her to munch on.
I swung a hand out and waved it past him in that famous Jedi Mind trick way.
There is no need to measure this man's temperature. He is free to pass.
I said with steadfast calm.
Eh? Everybody gets their temperature checked or you don't come in.
He took a menacing step toward me like a bison scenting the musky odour of a cat's pyjamas.
Another security guard some way behind him perked up with interest at the whiff of potential drama and started making his way over to us. He had a ferrety look about him as if he could think of nothing better than writhing his way up and down a man's trouser leg.
The pair of them stood in front of me, like a wall of pork and poorly fitted polyester.
Ferret-Man stuck his head forward.
NO CHECKY NO ENTRY!
He snarled as if all his lucky chickens had come home to roost at once.
He nodded at his companion, Gunner-Joe who nodded back at him.
I could imagine the pair of them were already envisioning wrestling me to the ground and getting the strawberry jam out.
Dirty bastards.
I'm only here to hand in my old Iphone, do you want to take it?
I pulled my old company Iphone out of my pocket and held it out.
Ferret-Man slowly curled back in horror like one of those magic fish you get in cheap Christmas crackers.
source:see reddit post linked above.
Gunner-Joe put out a protective arm in front of Ferret-Man and pointed his big white gun at me, his beady eyes gleaming like frog-skin.
Temperature check. NOW.
His mask puffed in and out as if the act of talking to me was exhausting him.
Alright then, fuck sake. Take a chill pill.
I leaned forward and offered my forehead to the gun.
Gunner-Joe jammed the odd white gun to within a few inches of my forehead as if we were in a schlocky gangster movie and pulled the trigger.
Some moments later there was a soft beep.
Gunner-Joe looked at the end of his gun and his mouth dropped open, his eyes flicked up to mine and then back to the gun then back to me.
It's RED!!!
He barked in alarm tinged with disgust.
Both he and Ferret-Man backed away, eyes wide shaking their heads as if I were the zombie apocalypse.
What does that mean?
I asked with an optimistic grin, thinking it might mean 'sassy' like I were Nicole Scherzinger singing Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me...
Both Ferret-Man and Gunner-Joe looked nervy and unsure.
Nobody has been red yet?
Ferret-Man muttered, with an angsty twitching.
You definitely can't come in.
Growled Gunner-Joe his eyes darting about as if hoping for a porticullis he could drop to bar my way.
You must be ill.
Ferret-Man accused.
I'm not fucking ill, I am just fucking bored of this shite.
Could be Covid. Get away, come back when you are better.
The pair of them stood united, chins up and proud as if they had worked out who had stolen Mamacita's fajita.
I stared at them, mentally weighing up whether it was worth going full-on Mortal Kombat on their asses and spilling all the bloods in a fury of kicks and chops.
Fuck it.
I turned and went home.
We have a semi-automated system at work ... You walk in, scan your badge, then centre your head in front of a monitor while it takes your temperature. If Green, the door unlocks. I'd really like to change the look of the stand that the monitor/sensor is on to look more like the evil robot from RoboCop. Even MeesterBoom would think twice before messing with it.
Hahaha, that is both awesome and terrible. Here was me thinking that them manually doing it with an odd looking seventies scifi gun was ridiculous but to imagine they have automated door thingmies that you put your head against. Where will it all end!!
I know I wouldn't mess with anything ED-209 like! :OD
Did he actually say no checky no entry? XD
Probably was. I moved one of the big crashies at gymnastics the other night and then had to take mine off for a second so I didn't silently die.
then made mental notes to drag whoever came up with these policies and invite them to do a boxing class and a gymnastics class probably not on the same night but that would absolutely serve them all ways of right with a mask on and see how non-vigorous these indoor activities are
Red ay, did you have a slight fever or do something that required some exertion before going in? :)
Now if you could Mortal Kombat them why were you worried about the strawberry jam? XD
He did, it was hilarious. I wish I could have conveyed the accent better, he tried to make them rhyme, lol!
I am actually the same in a supermarket, my mask is wafting in and out like nobodies business, this guys was like a ballon inflating and deflating.
Ah the Mortal Kombat'ing... You see, it has to be at my bidding, if they launched themselves at me I might not have been in the mood at that very moment ;OD
Sounds like you need to improve your Mortal Kombat skills. Only one thing for it. Where's that console XD
GET OVER HERE!!!
:OD
Nobody cared about the rest!
Now they want your head on a pike that you even dared to come near that building. Bouncers will doing good business upcoming months.
hmmkay bye boss, i will go back to my couch
The bouncer trade will be going through the roof. As will the selling of those shitty plastic temperature guns. The designer of them must have been having a right old laugh!
Hi @meesterboom ,I had never heard that it turned red, you are already vaccinated, maybe it was the anger that you felt with such a rush to let you in just to hand over the iPad, I think they did not want to let you in to bother ... ... huuuuuuuuum even me I am angry, that is abuse of power.
A hug .
Apparently, I have a temperature. When I got home I checked with our kid's thermometer and I was absolutely fine! Maybe they just didnt want me in the office! lol
hahaha your writing never ceases to amaze me! and those beer taste test videos, and I don't even drink alcohol but fun to watch.
I keep meaning to get back to those videos but what with lockdown and all I suffered from being able to get the good ones! This summer, definitely! :O)
Awesome! :)
I keep meaning to get back to those videos but what with lockdown and all I suffered from being able to get the good ones! This summer, definitely! :O)
On being FIRST!!!
YAAYAYAY!!! I'm a winner!!! Not sure of the price I will get but I damn well won!
I'm still trying to get over the fact this didn't actually work.
I was absolutely baffled. What kind of world is this in which we live that such tricks cannot be relied on?!
The world in which Jedi mind tricks don't work is not a world I want to live in...I'm relocating to Tatooine and taking my chances with the Tuskan Raiders.
Yeah, I would rather take my chances with the oddly bandaged goggle eyed beasts too!! At least the mind tricks would work there! :OD
Exactly.
Let's just say that you are a hot guy.
Quick, put the gun on me! :OD
I was a bit over the normal once, not red, but high, so the guy told me to stand aside and to take my mask off which I did. After a few minutes of free breathing he gunned me again and I was normal.
Shows what a mask can do, as it traps our breath.
Ps. I do the vote upvote thing manually on 10%, as I don't know how to auto-vote it. Correct me if I am wrong.
I do find myself quite panty in a mask. I wish they had given me the opportunity to try again,I don't have a fever or anything. And I have had my first jab!
I think in peaked you can lower it in the settings!
I almost clicked on Peter Kay. Almost, but thankfully not quite...
Phew, a lucky escape!!! :OD
I mean, I don't blame him. You are a scorching thing from a mile away, aren't you not?
Can't be too careful nowadays. Everyone's on edge. We're like living in one of those hard-boiled gumshoe noir tales.
It's been a while since I went outside. Sometimes I remember these kinds of interactions fondly, other times I'm glad that I've been training to isolate for all of my life.
Don't go outside. That is my advice. Strange men with white guns. People with masks everywhere and they arent even robbers!?!?!
How is it up your way with all the covid jazz, you and the good lady keeping safe?
It's like those dystopian stories coming to pass before our eyes!
We're holed up nice and cozy here, but we haven't been jabbed like you have. Still waiting in the proverbial queue. How about you and yours? I trust all of you are in the up and up?
Glad to hear it!
We are all dandy. Just adjusting to this crazy locked down life. Although up our way the lockdown is ending. It is a nervous yet exciting prospect!
Around these parts, I don't think we've even reached the crest of the first wave! Damn fool sitting on the president's chair is drunkenly ranting on a nightly basis about communists trying to overthrow him in the middle of a goddamn pandemic.
Hot damn, our first one wasnt so bad but the second one was awful. I hope you don't have a second!
From the looks of things, it's looking like we won't have any even until everyone gets vaxxed. The graph just looks insane to me. It looks like an ECG of sorts the way it spikes up and down. A thousand miraculous recoveries one day, then ten thousand new cases the next. It's crazy.
Where did that come from? Haha...
It was the look of him. I instantly thought FERRETTY-BAWS! lol :OD
So you're out again.
I am. Like a badger peeking out from its burrow, snuffling the night air!
And the eyes? How are the eyes?
They are still mine for the moment. Yes, for the moment at least
Yeah...ummmkey, keep them. I was just thinking you need to come up into the light more.Hug👆
Hehe, wouldnt that be like dying. Wait, are you God, trying to entice me into the light? I'm too young to die!!!
Yes, I am God.
Come out and play more! It won't kill you.
Great use of imagination
Posted using Dapplr
Thank you, I like to take it for a spin now and then!
I understand we have to take care and everything but it is all actually a joke. You can have covid without a fever, even without any symptoms. They measure your temp here and a lot of times the battery is even flat hahaha. The other day I was in the hot car, the sun shining on my one side and they measured the temp and it was high. I told them I am not sick and it was from the sun and they let me in .... so now I ask you. No this whole covid thing can end now. Our 3rd wave is here now. Soooooo sick of this
Oh lordy, not a third wave. I don't think I can handle a third one. We are just coming out of the second. I am getting used to a little more freedom. My friend said that if they hold the gun too close to you as well that it can say you have a high temp. It's outrageous!
Damn it! You are RED!! Goddam't!!
I know, what the fuck was that all about!! I feel fine but failed the temperature check!!
Still, it meant an hour out of work and in the car :0D
you know there is a thing called fever, and we all used to have it....back in the days... just saying :) :)
Fever, what blasphemy is this! I drank some whisky last night. That means I am immune to fever!! ;0D
True!! That reminds me that it is Thursday, and tomorrow is my Friday off! I do have a bottle of scotch at home. It was no sale...$43 for 1.75 litres, single malt! You got to love US. Booze is cheap here.
That's awesome. Booze is incredibly expensive here because of the taxes. Doesn't do is buying it right enough.
Enjoy!!! I will wait till tomorrow and toast the weekend! :0D
Brilliant! Loved it.
Cheers missus!!! :0D
I liked this, thanks for sharing this content, I will follow you so I don't miss any of your posts.
You liked it but didnt vote on it. Hmm.
In fact, you haven't voted on anyone for at least a week. Are you comment vote hunting?
Also you arent following me you scallywag. Lol
LOL, I had lost my internet connection, everything is done.