My brother, Big D (yes, seriously), had popped up to visit. He had come bearing gifts for Christmas. Big D and I are polar opposites, people used to occasionally joke that we looked similar but a quick punch in the neck usually solved that.
Joking, of course ;O)
He was sitting with a beer, having had delivered his cargo of gifts and we were making the obligatory small talk.
He looked at his can disgustedly, It was Disco Forklift Truck. A bit of a favourite of mine.
Wee man, whit's this nonsense?
Wee Man is my brother's nickname for me ever since we were young. I don't really like it but hey, it was better than the other nickname which was Fatso.
It's beer ya big daftie. Duh.
Replied I in that way that brothers often do to each other.
It's a bit mental innit, ye no goat any real beer, Tennents or Bud or anythin?
Fraid not dudester.
He swigged away, grimacing after every mouthful. I could tell from his distaste that I was falling short on the man-o-meter. He was quite plainly thinking, what kind of bloke doesn't have real beer in his house?
After a second can of un-manly beer he announced that he would have to go for a Jimmy Riddle. A quaint rhyming slang for piddle, i.e. he needed a pee.
You know where it is.
I waved in the general direction of the toilet hoping that he didn't just whip his lad out and pee in the general direction I had waved. I tidied up a little whilst he was upstairs. If there were world records for pishing noises, my brother would win hands down. The house reverberated with the sound of gallons of water cascading through a loose hose into a pond.
The lounge door opened and Big D came in with a horrified look on his face holding something out at arm's length.
Shit, what was it? I thought. Has he found a rat or something?
Haw, wee man. Whit's this?
He waggled something at me. I took a closer look. Oh, it was only my moisturiser.
It's moisturiser dude. What does it look like?
Aye, ah know it's moisturiser. Who's is it?
Mine, why?
My big brother recoiled in horror as if finding out the hot-dog he had just eaten was made of foreskins.
Whit? Whit ye using that shite fur? Ah thought it was yur burds?
Yur burd meaning your bird, which is a Scottish term for girlfriend/partner/wife
No, it's mine. Why do you think I look so fucking amazing?
I smugly ran a hand across my finely muscled handsome man chin.
My brother stared at me like he would at a vagina eating a puffer fish.
Fuck sake wee man, fuck sake.
He shook his head in dismay at his failing of a brother. I, in turn, shook my head at the wizened old crocodile face of my big brother. I picked up the phone and ordered him a taxi. I was of half a mind to ask them to take him back to the eighties.
I chuckled at his working man antics after he left. I haven't got his present yet. I am thinking he might be in for a bit of a surprise when he opens it this year.
One can only assume that you are gifting Big-D a large bottle of your moisturizer.
Why yes, that is exactly what he is getting. That will learn him!! :0)
Be sure it is wrapped in paper that has been dusted with the finest baby powder and wrapped in a beautiful bow.
Better yet. Previously, you posted about a certain bucket that came out of the garage for a new purpose. Perhaps, his gift could be wrapped in that fine bucket.
Every manly man needs a bucket!
Well that's true. In fact if I could bear it I could distill the contents of said bucket down to a fine musk and present it to him!
;)
Ah, coming to your blog is like flopping on the couch of one of my besties house and putting a comedy on the tv, I feel at home and I get to laugh in the bargain.
I have some cousins, on my dad's side of the family, who react the same way to my beer selection. Although I'm a girl, so they give me less crap than they do my brother who has the same selection LOL! They are Bud men through and through. I despise Bud actually. Now there are some beers like Labatt Blue that I can deal with, but Bud to me is like piss flavored seltzer water with a huge headache in the morning as a bonus.
Hmmm, a six pack of Dirty Bastard and a moisturizer? hee hee
He is one of those any lager will do sorts. It's hilarious how bad his taste can be.
I think you could be onto something, six pack and moisturiser. Boom!!! :0)
Moisto gift LOL.. that'll cause a change in his mind.
And as i write those words, STEEM is at 2.92 ! :D Gonna see 3 before morning I hope ;)
3 eh, that will be incredible. I hope this is the launchpad for steem and the price keeps on ticking up!
excellent work dear friend @meesterboom, I love meetings with siblings and much more if it is to share some beers.
Congratulations for that fun meeting
I wish you a good night
Cheers mate! Thank you and I hope you are well!!
So a ruggedly manly skin care hamper then? :D
Exactly that!! I can't wait for him to open it!!
Just make sure you're under cover or not present in case he decides to use it as a projectile ;D
Lol, I will hide away!
A brother!? Oh my.. I've heard of your sister, but never once had you mentioned a brother. Could they possibly be the same person? Curiouser and curiouser.
Perhaps he belongs to a different time. It seems he doesn't enjoy the finer things of the 21st century. Maybe you should get him a Leatherique instead. I hear it's particularly good for Corinthian Leather.
Also, thanks for clearing up the meaning of "burd". I, and I'm sure many others who read this, thought of another thing which strangely enough still fits given the context.
Haha, yes, it is good to clear up the burd thing in that case! It is a slang pronunciation of bird. It's quite derogatory, very popular in Glasgow though!
Oh yes, my big bro. A character and a half. We don't get on hugely. In fact we don't get on much! My sister must be my sister in law! She is a menace also. Goodness. What a wonderful family/extended family I have!
Ah, yes... 'Burd' as an affectionate term...
"You know why men call women 'Burd'?" I always ask the man using the term.
"No?" He'll say, smiling inanely at me because I'm giving him some attention.
"Because they pull worms," I'll say, smiling sweetly - OK, I don't do 'sweetly' but you know... ;)
Oh I know!! I have heard htat one being said sweetly before. That is why I am quite careful never to call a girl burd
Honey Pie does just fine!
Sister-in-law! Right! I knew that! Haha! That's why I was hesitant to put that in. I wasn't sure if it's your sister or your good lady's. Nice to know that my memory gets it wrong sometimes.
The only other slang bird is used for here is to refer to men's other head--the brains of the operation, obviously.
Hehe, you still have quite the memory!
Ah the little bird, that is a new one on me although I have likened mine too a hawk on occasion
Oh wow seriously? I thought that eupemism was quite universal haha! The more you know. People have always likened mine to a pelican. Who am I to disagree? Who am I!? No, seriously. I've hit my head, and I can't seem to recall who I am.
I can see the differencde :) really well done. My first ever picture at a reply I feel so proud.
Look at you with the pictures and everything!! The difference is incredible!!! ;0)
This is the first time I have ever been able to get it done, I feel so proud and you look so young and the Lady should love you for that.
She had better or out will be the iron hand ;0)
You are rightfully proud!!
Hands down the best expression I've heard all week
Hehe, I try to keep em original! :0)
Is your brother really looking good more than you do? I think you should start using moisturizer too. lolx
@seyiodus.
Oh no, is the order way about. He looks like an old crocodile sitting at the edge of the river :0)
lolx. He should not hear this. Shh 🤐
;O)
Oh the joys of being the little brother. I'm the youngest of five, I'm the Old Dog and I'm still the little brother!
Ah that's excellent! The are only two of us. Brothers can be difficult eh;
I have 7 brothers and I am number 3.
BTW, I just realized to day that "Meester" is almost "Resteem" in reverse.
What could that mean?
Yes that is strange. Perhaps giving himself this name has caused subliminal actions of Resteemimg!
Hehe, you have oit exactly tight old dog. I have been found out! :O)
7! That must have been quite the thing growing up. Are you all very close? I have to admit my brother and I have suffered terribly from sibling rivalry throughout our years and we arent too close now.
Its a subliminal command! You are not meant to notice! ;O)
Here we go again another interesting article as always you're always grab my attention. I'm sure you are having a wonderful eatting & drinking please stay safe lmao dont have to much... hope you have a great & happy holidays you have my vote ..
Hahaha, tonight is a merry drink and eating free night! Cheers though!
Lol. I've seen those male Scotish faces, all leathery from a combination of shite weather, too much whisky and lack of moisturiser.
Aw man, you have! All you will be totally granular with that mad combination that means leathery shit madness!! Wayhay, that's my bro!
your post is very good very good for the latest information may be merry for the people thanks @meesterboom
If it was up to me everyone would know the secrets of the egg!
What is the secret of the eggs, just to ask if it's Scottish eggs :)
Those are the best eggs! ;0)
I have Macedonian eggs for support :)
Lol!
I think mine may be scrambled with lots of cheese.
right
Sir can i resteem your post?
No, under no circumstances. Haven't you seen the film where eagles dare?
No, I did not see Eagle's courage. Would you tell me what eagle dare?
You don't need to ask. Resteem if you like.
Allied agents stage a daring raid on a castle to rescue an American general... But that's not what really went on...
I understand, Resteem done! please my cheek blog. Maybe you can collect some important information from my post. Let me say a word if you do not mind, if you please give me an upvote, then I will be grateful to you forever.
No one is interested in looking at the posts of a person who disrespects their work or interests by only wanting to talk about himself and his interests. If you want to reply to someone's post please have the courtesy to contribute to the topic of the post. An interesting reply to someone's post is much more likely to make them want to see yours.
I understand, This mistake will not be anymore.
You are right! It is a cheek blog!
Was there anything wrong with me? If I am wrong then I apologize for that. But why my comment was revealed?
Good job very nice :)
Thank ya!
good job very nich
nice post ..i restrrm this post
https://steemit.com/aceh/@tjunaidi/the-field-of-harapan-bangsa-aceh-muddy-stadium-it-s-a-panpel-defense-68237283ae469
Remove this or I will go there and flag it. I will give you ten minutes
Go check the two comments on my post today! My friends scared those spammers away...I would've pasted the link here, but I wouldn't dare....like an eagle...ha ha ha
Hahaha, I will go and see. Exciting!!