What's that you have there?
Asked my fellow Scotsman, Ramon.
We were in the kitchen of my house drinking whisky and tying feathers to ourselves in advance of going out to a cèilidh - A long-held Glasgow tradition on New Year's Eve which of course is Hogmanay as we know it in Scotland.
This?
I held up a small pot of foul-smelling tincture.
It's Cat-Smeg.
I announced rather proudly. After all, who wouldn't be proud to have a tub of Cat-Smeg, one of the rarest, rumoured to be magical salves in the entire universe.
Although the exact method of creating Cat-Smeg is largely unknown it is thought to be a distillation of the fluid that is excreted from a cat's ears when you pump smoke up its arse with a pipe.
Why would that be unusual? I hear you cry. Well, that's the thing. The smoke has to be from a secret ingredient rumoured to be the love hair of an Ox gathered by moonlight. Not the easiest thing to collect.
Can I have a dab?
Ramon asked keenly.
Of course you can, just a little mind. It is strong stuff.
I passed over the little tub and watched approvingly as Ramon dabbed a little on his finger before wiping it on his upper lip.
Ooft.
He coughed and gasped as it worked its Auld Scots magic upon him.
When he stood up straight again his eyes were red-rimmed with the madness of Hogmanay and I clapped him on the back.
Tonight we will dine in hell!
I laughed and took another dab of Cat-Smeg before finishing tying the last of the feathers to my shoulders in advance of our cèilidh raiding party.
A cèilidh is an old Scottish ritual mostly carried out on Hogmanay where we slaughter and burn a cow before dancing around its flaming corpse drinking whisky and fighting.
The traditional garb for this is the feather shoulder dress, the Creiahn-Ku.
I was quite proud of my Creiahn-Ku this year which was comprised mostly of murdered owls. With that and the Cat-Smeg tonight was going to be quite the party.
Do you think there will be any chicks there tonight?
Asked Ramon somewhat nervously, tugging at one of the long white feathers around his neck. It looked like a swan feather. I hoped for his sake it was a swan and not a seagull. Gull feathers are bad juju.
There probably will be my young feathered friend. If there are, watch out for the gin-drinking ones. They fight the dirtiest.
We both nodded at that, everyone knows to be wary of a gin drinker, especially at a cèilidh.
Right, I'm all feathered up. Are we ready to go?
I flexed my shoulders and admired the way my owl feathers rippled. Tonight was going to be a good one. The best fighters at a cèilidh got to keep a length of burned cow intestine Bruachuail to put above the mantlepiece to bring good luck for the rest of the year ahead.
I looked at my own length of blackened Bruachuail hanging proudly on my wall. What a year I had had thanks to it. Although admittedly, the smell and the flies were a problem in summer.
Aye, I'm ready too. Will we get an Uber?
Ramon fished about among his white feathers for his phone.
I waved his phone away and stepped out the back door into the inky night.
No need, we will call a Ramhallion from the skies.
I opened my mouth and roared something in the old tongue.
Moments later an answering roar was heard then a furious flapping and snorting noise grew closer.
Hey, are you coming into the living room to join everyone?
The Good Lady popped her head around the kitchen door and eyed me suspiciously.
Yeah, just coming.
I picked up the bottle of Whisky I had been sent to fetch and headed into the living room to join our guests. Before I left the kitchen, I cast a look at the featherlessly empty kitchen behind me.
Maybe next year Ramon, maybe next year...
Happy New Year everyone!
Happy New Year Meester Boom!!
Happy new year mate!!
Hope you have a corker!! 😀😀
lol I was wondering at the beginning what kind self respecting Scots would name their child Ramon, no offense intended to anyone named Ramon! lol damn I even rolled my "R" when I read it. Enjoyed the tale...Happy New Year to you and the fam!
I was rolling my R's with Ramon too!!!
Happy new year chica, I hope you have an amazing one!!! 😀😀
The Happiest of New Year to you and yours @meesterboom AH, to leave behind the 'auld' traditions and find oneself having whiskey and cocktails like a Noel Coward play, I hope your ancestors were looking the other way ;)
When I first heard swan I thought, "My God man, you can kill swans they belong to the Queen" then recalled we've no Queen, only a soft of cardboard King, the sort you'd get from dressing up boxes, and thought, "Meh, eat the swans...EAT all the swans!" Sorry, I went off there a moment.
I hope you had a glorious ringing in the new year and of course we always think of the Scots singing Auld Lang Sang as the last chime rings and the fireworks light up the sky. Tho, this year I was in bed well before midnight, but we watched the fireworks and ringing in the new year from the live link in Iceland, they're happily 5 hours ahead, so one can appreciate the New Year in advance.
Lol, there was fireworks and see did indeed sing Auld Lang Syne!!
It was a fab time, I bet the Icelandic one was good too celebrate with!
Happy new year missus!!
Who is in charge of collecting the love hair? That's gotta be a shitty job..
The younglings have to draw lots. Done of them don't make it back
🤣🤣
I'm hoping Australia learns the way of the cèilidh because I want blackened Bruachuail adornjng my wall also, who would not?
Happy new year...I imagine you'll wake up with the residual effect from the cèilidh and whisky and it'll be a reminder of the good time you had.. may the good times keep on coming into 2024!
With some blackened Bruachuail on your wall nothing can go wrong for ya!!
Happy new year man, to you and your good lady. You are a champ and a damn fine fellow. I am very happy to call you a friend!
I swear I'm not totally pished... Maybe just a little 😀😀
Damn it, now I need Bruachuail my wall...like, now!
Thanks for your friendship and for being a funny fucker I like a lot. May you and your people have many wall-Bruachuail's in 2024 and soon you'll have to look out for a care package form Australia...I'll let you know when.
Bullshit dude, you were totally fucken pished!
Haha, yes, pished indeed. I stand by it though! Although with a slightly sore head...
Here's to 2024!! 😀😀
Has the year even started if it starts without a sore head? Methinks not.
Correct. It is literally like the day without the sun!
Wow! And here I thought the Allentown Tar Barrel deal was wild. Pfft, they are just pikers compared with your Hogmanay!
That looks bloomin awesome! Ant celebration including fire is top notch in my book!!
You are from Scotland! Haha, one day my man and I shall travel there while also visiting Ireland (he is half Irish half welsh by blood and seems like by character too!). Scottish speech is very interesting
It's a fine old place! That would be a great journey to take on both Ireland and Scotland!
How the heck do make those awesome cover images
There is a lot of faff involved! 😀
What like Photoshop kind of faffin
I used to do Photoshop quite a lot but in the age of phones I use apps now. Four of them, one to remove background of the different bits then I put them together in another app and adjust the colours so they look the same overall then I use another app for the title and some light filters then I overlay that with a carton outline and boom, I'm done!
I knew it! Haha! I was just like, did he drunk write this? Lol. The Cat-smeg and all other traditional usage of words sounds so... haha.
I thought the old Lady pushed to another planer after you failed to do something... but it is nice she got you back to reality.
Happy New Year!
Haha, happy new year indeed!!
I like to go a bit daft on Hogmanay! 🤣🤣
This daftness works miracle, lol. I am glad it wasn't a zombie war🤣🤣🤣.
I would be the first casualty in a zombie war. Lol
Haha... I know... that's why I am glad it wasn't. Imagine the Good Lady waking you up from such ... you'll create lots of unnecessary fuss😅😅
She would be in serious trouble if that were the case. From me and not the zombie hordes! :OD
Lol 🤣🤣🤣. I know she'll always find her way out.
Maybe next year😎 and then maybe the one after that ey!
There is always a next year!! :OD
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BEERKING.I'm sure you Scots get up to all sorts when we Sassenachs are not around. The last ceilidh I went to destroyed my shoes.
Happy new year
Shoes are usually a victim of a ceilidh, you have to be thankful when it's just them!
A very happy New year to you too mate!
Haha! It seems your roar brought the good lady out, it would have been an Uber instead😂
But there is always a next year
Happy new year!!!
Haha, she answered the call and pulled me back into reality!! :0D
I laugh because it is probably mostly true. Especially the cat tears. Is Ramon second generation Scot? Are his family that band or is he from that wrestling famous with the Razors
Has to be from the famous Razor family. Would explain the love of the lycra!! 😀😀
I actually got confused in the early parts. I was thinking to myself, there is no way they are still doing these insane things in this day and age. As soon as the good lady appeared in the story, that brought me back to earth as well. I will have to say you got me good this time my good sir.
A Happy New Year to you as well!
Hehe, yes there might have been a touch of crazy imaginings for the first part!! 🤣
Happy new year mate!
I'm still trying to figure out what anything you wrote actually means
🤔
😕
😂
My Hogmanay posts do tend to be a bit loopy!
Happy new year!
I'm still trying to figure out what the
Referred to as
is lol. I'll just assume the worst...
Happy new year
If in doubt always assume the worst and you won't be disappointed or terrified with the result!! 🤣🤣
Great idea some blackened Bruachuail might put off night visitors... Well here it might! with a dollop of Cat-Smeg detailed above
Great you had most eventful Hogmany whisky dwelling/lulling thought, made it to River Forth sobering up this morning!
You Win, Edinburgh (anywhere in Scotland) is the place to be to party in New Year seeped with tradition. I have the ceilidh, will first-foot over with coal in hand (sorry not tall and dark), whisky to warm cockles of your heart.
Happy 2024 to You and The Good Lady!
If a guest comes with whisky then it matters not their height or complexion!! Hehe.
Happy new year Missy J!!
Must be Whisky not Whiskey.... Have a good one!
Maybe you shouldn't drink such strong stuff, man haha. I can't even imagine what would have happened if that nice lady wasn't there XD
The strong stuff has strong effects.
I am having a break after tomorrow. One can only handle so much!!
Hello @meesterboom, In this country the omens are very different, they usually eat 12 grapes at 12 midnight of the outgoing year, something much more pleasant than what I read in your post hahahahaha, when I read about the cow's tail, I can imagine the number of flies around him, I do NOT think this is a good omen, but it is all a matter of faith :)
I wish you a happy new year again and GOD bless you, Hey, that tail thing must be a joke hahahaha, I can't imagine the good lady looking at this inside her house all year round.......
I think I would rather the 12 grapes to be honest!!
Sounds like a fine tradition!! All the best of things for you this cunning year!!
I need to get the Bruachuail!!!... I want good luck to visit Scotland. My best friend lives in Edinburgh and I'm dying for dance at a Ceilidh!!! ...
Happy new year meester!!!! 🍾🥂💃
A cèilidh is a fine thing! I am sure you would love it if you came over for a new year. Hell they have them all the time!
Happy new year milady!!
Why to burn a cow instead of having a barbecue with cuts of it? 😄
The cows must burn. It is written!! 🤣🤣
Happy New Year! It made me think of Ramon, a Belgian beer. Should check out the story behind its name though..
Happy new year! It's that the razor Ramone beer?
An image from google. Apparently it's an alcoholfree beer. I didn't try it out myself though.
Alcohol free, yeah, I wouldn't be rushing to try it either!
Haha nice story. I enjoy reading. Keep up the good work man👍👍
Cheers mate!
You too man🥂
butt?
Haha, that's a cliffhanger!! 😀😀
Happy new year!
Es una historia bien rara la de ese escoses , y todos los escoses toman mucho 🥃🥃🥃 wisky, feliz 2024
¡De hecho lo hacemos! pero somos una nación feliz en su mayoría 😀😀
Ron ...
Great post.!!
Happy New Year.!!!
Thank you, happy new year to you!
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Hahaha
I was lost in the story at first but the lady was just like the life of the story. Immediately her name showed up in the story, I also came back to my senses😅
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