I shivered at the sudden cold that sprung up around my desk. It had become awfully dark too. What the hell?
It was then, I looked up to see my erstwhile HUEL glugging colleague, Sick-Line, standing above my desk. His planet-like bulk blotting out the sun.
He leered down at me as if he were a walrus and I, a tasty fish.
Alright, BoomDawg.
He waved a bottle menacingly at me.
I looked at the bottle then at him, raising an eyebrow.
Aye aye. What's that? It doesn't look like the huel nonsense?
He shook his head so vigorously that even his back-boobs wobbled.
The Huel? Nah, that stuff's for arseholes.
He sneered, looking as if arseholes were something we could all do without.
What!? You were all Gung ho on it a month ago?
I exclaimed handsomely from my slender jaws.
Idly I noticed that he didn't seem to have lost any weight.
For a fleeting moment, Sick-Line looked sheepish.
Aye well, I admit it, I was wrong. All a man needs is a reasonable diet and some regular exercise.
He gave a satisfied cluck and lifted the bottle in his hands to his lips, taking a deep swig.
I did a double take. This was odd. Sick-Line was known for many things, one of them was most certainly not being reasonable.
This did not seem like him at all.
Yeah, I would agree with that.
I said, somewhat reluctantly as if agreeing with Sick-Line was like scratching a sweaty arse through thin underpants.
Sick-Line waved the bottle in his hand at me looking slightly annoyed that I hadn't paid it any attention.
I made out the name Aquarius on the side.
And of course... Don't forget THIS!
What? What was he talking about? Had he finally jumped the shark? Was I even using that phrase correctly?
I made a non-commital face as if opening an arse parcel and finding a plastic watch.
Well aye, water is very important.
I said slowly.
Sick-Line reeled back as if I had told his mother that she didn't suit blue.
Water!? This isn't just water? Pah.
He stretched up and stroked his own chest as if it were a Labrador next to him on a bed.
This is low calorie water.
There is a silence. A deep and strange silence.
I looked at him.
Low. Calorie. Water.
I stated as if the buffoons had finally taken over.
Not just low calorie, mate. It's got zinc and all that shit. I don't need to tell you about zinc do I?
I made a face as if one of my cat's was making that awful slurpy licking noise when washing it's own arse.
Zinc?
Perhaps he would have to tell me?
Sick-Line shook his head at my ignorance.
Aye, zinc. Good for cognitive function...
He leaned in and whispered salaciously.
I won't even tell you what it does to the soldiers...
He looked around for a moment before cupping his balls and briefly making a tugging gesture at me.
I tried to control my eyes as they fought to free themselves from my skull.
Erm... That's alright, I don't think I want to know.
He ignored me.
Fucking millions of it man. Millions. Thought I was gonna have to get a bucket the other night.
He winked and walked off.
I trembled slightly at the very idea of Sick-Line cranking out pint after pint of hot fish yoghurt.
Then I paused and thought of the good lady.
Maybe I will pick up a couple of bottles. It would make a change from flowers.
You should have asked him if the soldiers taste different when they are all coated in zinc.
Wahahahaha!! I should have, damn I missed a trick!!
LOL... not all waters are the same.., Did you offer to buy his unused Huel?
Lol. I was so flabbergasted by the water. It really does claim to be so, I checked out the label!!
Hmmmm who knows .......... maybe the zinc sperms turn into another baby LOL
Yeeeeurgh!
Low calorie. Water.
Low. Calorie. Water.
I'll just step over here as I'm not going to get over this one for a while XD
I still can't believe it!!! People will fall for anything!
Delete zinc, look what it does to pipes, and galvanised iron.
Introduce hops, and barley malt, without which your Saturdays will really go pear-shaped.
Saturday is all about the malt and the barley for me. I'm excited already!
Zinc works, and so does losing 15 stone!
Losing 15 stone probably works wonders for finding it in the first place!!
One of those 'use it or lose it' times I reckon! (eww!)
Yeek!!! My eyes can't unread that!!!
Low calorie water? Hahahah! Reminds me of the first time I considered buying a bottled water, than was struck by the fact that Evian is naive backwards- then found a local spring where I can fill all the water jugs I want for free :)
You used the word swig- serendipity! We just put up the first video on our channel Just1Swig- of course I made a post about it lol ;)
Haha, I did use that word!! Smashing!!
I totally don't realise that with Evian, ha. I will be telling folk about that one!!
Couple of bottles of the old lowcal zincwater and you'll have a whole football team of shorties running about the house in NO time. Go for it, I says.
Goodness no, I think s football team is many members too many!! :0)
Zing Friday
Double zing!!
Triple
I'm rather looking forward for some sparkling snout high calorie beers tomorrow. AhahA
Cheers , mate ! :-)
Tomorrow there shall be some fine beers I hope! :0)
But don't the lil swimmers just zinc from the box all the way to the bottom? 🙀
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Oh HAHAHA!! That's the nature of the little zincers!
Well played sir! I zinc I'm gonna ave to bow out of this cumpetition
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Aha! You zinc so!! Your attitude is zincing! :0D
Hmm. Pretty sure all calorie water low calorie. Unless you get the one with coke or sprite or Irn Bru (gross) in it.
There is no such thing but apparently there is. It's a thing, it's a new thing!! How can this be!?
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I zinc 'low calorie' water is great for dieters...but, zinc 'regular' water tastes much better...
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haha! howdy sir meesterboom! What a character. A gross one to have to work with! lol. Great writing though, so funny.
I try my best Mr Janton!!
And you excel! with the help of some really strange co-workers!
Freaks the lot of them: 0D