Oh my goodness @basicshari
I cannot imagine the loss of a child. Please do not beat yourself up about Christian's drug use. Asking those WHYs, while natural, will not help you through this difficult time. Take one breath at a time. Take one step at a time.
Do you have someone there for emotional support? For helping you make some of the hardest phone calls that need to be made?
I know you are right, the why question has past now. I know now what I need to do. I do have emotional support but just as I'm grieving my other children will need need me more now. Thank you it did help to breath.