The first thing that struck me about this story that it is written from man’s perspective, but the character doesn’t sound like a man. So my guess is this was written by a woman.
Secondly, the taxi driver character is extremely unconvincing. With difficulties, I can imagine a taxi driver not charging for a toll, but I cannot imagine him acting like a psychiatrist or a life coach. Also somehow I cannot imagine him speaking without a thick accent. LOL
I understand that the purpose of the story was to be a motivational instrument. Sort of like “see this guy could do this and so can you.” However, this done in kind of an invasive manner and awkwardly. Not sure of the other readers, but I don’t want to be taught how to live.
Also, the most interesting part was not whether the character would meet his wife again. Sorry, but I don’t give a flip about that woman, even though her voice sounds the most convincing and very similar to the voice of the author.
What were the protagonist’s theme and genre of his writing? Was all his stories and novels were about how he missed his wife? How was he able to bust through the tough market and convince editors? I presume it took the protagonist at least a couple of years to achieve such success. How did he manage to live all this time? Finally, how was he, a man in mid-thirties, could live without sex all this time? All these important details should be in a story.
The pictures are great, though. I really liked them.
Just my modest opinion
My characters are always unique, I have also written about Claire - a woman, as you can see from my post. A writer doesn't have a gender, he has a vision! I try to tell a story how a character is, there is no right or wrong. So yes it was written by a man. I can write like a woman, like a man, like someone who's crazy - when you take a look at my profile you can see how different my content is.
I appreciate that you took the time to read through the post, and I can tell from your comment and the question you asked that you are interested.
Patrick, the character, is someone who had always loved to write (diaries, school newspapers etc). But he thought he wouldn't be able to earn money with it, and was too scared to try .
So like most people, he gave up on his dream and started working a regular job where all you do is work for someone else's dream.
Winraky changed his thought process - if he hadn't talked to him, everything would have happened differently.
Winraky will be a series, showing how he helps different people solve different problems - but not by telling them the solution, but by asking the right questions and encouraging their thought process.
thank you for your comment, upvote :)
I impressed with your confidence in your characters and in your writing skill. That’s refreshing.
To me, they seem wire-frame like without bodies, weight, height, appearance, real characters and some kind of a correlation with the real life. I understand your premise and what motivated you to write the story. What I don’t see if how your protagonist went through this extremely stressful situation being broke, dumped and turned out to be a winner. If I was to write such a story I’d concentrate on those moments, which are the most interesting and which you didn’t bother to flesh out as self-evident. It is one thing to be an aspired writer and a totally different to actually do it and succeed in this field in a real life.
However, who cares what I think and feel as a reader? Most importantly is what’s going on in the writer’s mind. That is the real treasure.
Not sure if you up to this task, but I would advise you to read this excellent story by Hemingway and see how he incorporates the internal dynamics of characters with the external dynamics of the narrative. How each of his characters is perceived by a reader as an absolutely alive person and, at the same time, how the overall short story comes across with a heavy emotional content and philosophical meaning.
The Short Happy Life of Francis Macomber
https://theteacherscrate.files.wordpress.com/2014/03/the-complete-short-stories-of-ernest-hemingway-ernest-hemingway.pdf