Things weren’t always rosy at our house, but I have a wealth of experience to help me in bringing up my kids and I saw signs – especially signs of the effects of bullying and acted on them.
Dani adored her kid brother, we’ve already got that straight in our heads… so when she started picking on him, I stepped in immediately.
Rather than belting her, sending her to her room and the stuff I got as punishment when I picked on my little brother and sister, I asked her who was picking on her.
My intuition was spot-on. She was getting picked on.
At that time, she attended a privately-run school and I went in to the teacher and had a word. Of course, because the parents are their clients, the teachers treat complaints immediately and take them seriously. As it happened, the kid picking on Dani was also picking on most of the rest of the class too.
Because it was coming up to Dani’s birthday, I devised a suitable punishment for the bully – with the teacher’s blessing.
We had a party right after school. The place we held it at was a short walk and therefore easy to transport a class of well-behaved kids there in one go.
All the kids in Dani’s class received an invite to her party, except one – the bully herself.
The day of Dani’s birthday, all the kids had a change of clothes and before the end of lessons, they were all told to get changed.
The bully sat there bemused because she didn’t know why everyone had a change of clothes and she didn’t.
When I got there, all the kids but one had their party clothes on. Their school clothes were packed into bags and carried to the party with them and off we went.
Dani in the purple dress, Haydn in the Garfield T Shirt to her side
The kid missed out on a lovely party and she knew exactly why…
That kid left the school soon after but I believe the kids all realised they weren’t alone and it helped more than just Dani.
Another kid wasn’t so easy to sort out. Because we had Haydn coming up to school age, we couldn’t afford to send them both to private school and so both had to go to the local school.
Dani knew what to do when she got bullied and she told us immediately.
I went up to school and quickly became frustrated by the policy of ‘No bullies’ in the school.
You’d think ‘No Bullies' would be a good thing… but no. Their ‘no bullies’ policy meant that they didn’t acknowledge any bullying.
I spoke to the head teacher. “We don’t have bullying here at my school,” he said.
And basically, that was that, end of discussion. So I had to sort it out for myself.
The kid in question had befriended Dani and she’d been invited over for tea. They had a lovely afternoon playing and then I took her home.
The very next day, the bullying started. We tried to sort it out with the school, as I mentioned but no luck.
I waited outside school for Dani and she pointed out the girl. I couldn’t believe it was that girl that had been invited for tea. Little bitch!
She went to her dad who was meeting her to take her home.
“Is this your daughter?” I asked. He nodded yes. “Can you have a word with her please? She’s hitting my little girl and I’d like it to stop.”
“You have a word with her,” he said.
OK then…
I crouched down to the girl and I said in a quiet voice: “You know how you keep hitting Dani?”
She nodded.
“Well, if you keep doing that to her, I’m going to come to your house and do the same to your dad. Is that a deal?”
She nodded again.
“Good.”
Dani didn’t get bullied again by that girl. Either the girl believed me that I’d go to her house, or her dad did. Either way, sometimes, shock-tactics work.
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@michelle.gent Nice and cool once you post, I really like your post.
@micheele.gent yes I feel Bullying can affect you in many ways. You may lose sleep or feel sick. You may want to skip school. You may even be thinking about suicide.
Kids bully for many reasons. Some bully because they feel insecure. Picking on someone who seems emotionally or physically weaker provides a feeling of being more important, popular, or in control. In other cases, kids bully because they simply don't know that it's unacceptable to pick on kids who are different because of size, looks, race, or religion.
In some cases bullying is a part of an ongoing pattern of defiant or aggressive behavior. These kids are likely to need help learning to manage anger and hurt, frustration, or other strong emotions. They may not have the skills they need to cooperate with others. Professional counseling often can help them learn to deal with their feelings, curb their bullying, and improve their social skills!
But thanks for sharing with us great thoughts!
At that moment, because that kid was bullying my daughter, I didn't much care what her reasons were (for both stories) - I just wanted to make sure it stopped.
I recognised the fact that Dani displayed unusual behaviour toward her brother and nipped it in the bud PLUS I stopped her from being bullied too.
Not only have I always made sure my kids weren't bullied. I also made sure they weren't BULLIES either.
Which reminds me of another story.. which I'll tell tomorrow :)
@Michelle. gent. Now am laughing seriously about this particular write up. I like the fact is talking about bullies which have been a victim of.
But for me there was no parent(or guardian) to stand up for me or should I say my environment expect me to stand up and defend my self from that bully.
It was during my days in college that this boy who seems to be taller than me and he is good at boxing. His presence alone puts fear into my spine . So he comes around sometime and slap me for no reason even collect my things without my consent. It was so bad that I am always scared just hearing his voice.
But this particular day I gave myself some self talk that I must put an end to this bullying and summon all courage to face my fear. Getting to school that day, he came to me as usual to bully me but from no where I told him NO to the instruction he was given me that day. So, as he was about to punch me , I dodge his punch and I lifted him up from the floor and on the ground he went. Since that he stopped bullying me and we even became best of friends.Sharing that experience now brought a kind of joy to me. It was a good day for me because so many other student got their freedom from him. He suddenly became an ordinary person to everybody.
Now back to your own story, the fact that you could even tell the girl not to touch Dani again or else her dad will be dealt with shows how brave a woman you are and I think my mum is like that too.
Thanks for sharing . I think I should do a post on this topic and let people know that bullying is not good both physically and psychologically and most parent need to watch out for this because it can affect the SELF-ESTEEM of a child.
Always your fan @opitmistdehinde.
Thank you for sharing your story. Bullying is a problem and the victim always feels alone - and that's what makes it worse.
Why not post that story on your blog and show your followers that you support anti-bullying? :)
Thanks dear . Am doing that asap. Always remember that you inspire this. You are such an angel.Thanks once again.
No... not an angel... just doing my thing :)
ok. Have written it and posted it as well, and I think it's beautiful. If you have the time you can help to check it out @optimistdehinde and probably put your own comment. I mentioned your name in it as the one that inspired it. It's titled ''NO TO BULLYING (Anti-Bullying Campaign)".
Thank you and God bless.
Hey, @michelle.gent! I love the way you handled the bullies. Sometimes they need a taste of their own medicine...I love schools that don't cooperate in curbing bullying. NOT! It is becoming worse over the years. Bullies have found new ways to intimidate. Being a kid these days is not easy...
No it isn't... that head teacher got another shock when the bullying that didn't happen came round again.
@michelle.gent today you have brought a very nice post concerning about the problems of school or college childern......really bullying in sense of mine is nothing more than showing your physical power on other or threating weak childerns just because you enjoy doing that...... here is a report concerning the same view-------The 2009 Wesley Report on bullying prepared by an Australia-based group, found that pack bullying was more prominent in high schools and characteristically lasted longer than bullying undertaken by individuals. Pack bullying may be physical bullying or emotional bullying and be perpetrated in person or in cyberspace. In person, it can take place in schoolyards, school hallways, sports fields and gymnasiums, classrooms, and on the school bus.
Individual bullying is one-on-one bullying that may take place either in person or online, as well as being physical bullying or emotional bullying. The Wesley Report found it to be more prevalent in elementary schools. It can take place everywhere that pack bullying can, and also in smaller areas into which a pack can’t fit, such as bathrooms.
thank you michelle.gent for sharing another beautiful posts with us
It's all a huge problem and I would imagine it's been going on since one kid decided he wanted what the other kid had...
Thank you for your post :)
interesting post
I've always been worried that my little sister would get bullied in school. I was, a bit, because I was quite fat at the time, and though it wasn't so bad, it always sucked. Luckily, though she has faced some incidents, she's been able to sort them out in general.
I find your solution to the first bully problem very effective but DAMN you are savage! I wouldn't have the heart to do that, though it was clearly a good way to solve the issue.
Nice post!
LOL! Yeah... when it comes to my kids, I really AM savage - they know it too ;)
I never wanted my kids to go through what I went through - or feel like there was no support (like I felt).
I'll write a few more pieces about bullying... and you may even see that post... the one where I describe what happened to me. :)
I'll look for that post (in the morning, when I'm not running on fumes). Honestly, outright denying the existence of bullying in the school sounds terrible, and scary even. Lack of support and lack of... well, of people believing your tales of suffering at the hands of others can be terrible, especially as a kid.
Also: Being savage when it comes to kids is 100% justified, hahaha!
truly amazing dear as always i read it and upvote you @michelle.gent
This is the Best post av seen today . I love to read each and every post of yours. Sometimes I don'rt get time to read the full content but I make sure that whenever I am free I read the whole thing. Thanks for sharing...