"What was the last thing you said to someone before they died?"
I received this question from Quora this week, and I will share with you my answer.
“You can go now, Papa. We will miss you a lot, but we want you to be healed from the pain. Please remember that I love you so much.”
My father was a very noble and kind man. He did not finish his education, but he worked for many years just to provide for our family, and just to give us, his children, the best life that we could have. He made money from planting rice and crops, from tending livestock animals, and from providing transportation services. He was a really simple man— always smiling, and known by a lot of people through his friendliness and generosity.
He was my hero, and he always made me laugh especially when I’m sad. He’s the kind of person who had an endless bag of jokes, had a lot of friends, and was admired and respected in the community.
But last year, he was shockingly diagnosed with Stage 4 Lung Cancer, and had a prognosis of only a few months to live.
Days before he died, he kept saying to us, “I am sorry, but I have to go home.” This statement confused us a lot because we were currently at our own house that time, so where is this place he was talking about?
A lot more times after that incident, he would look around our house and say, “You have a really nice house. But I apologize, I need to go home.” These statements kept on, until we found out that the cancer he had in his lungs had already reached his brain. The doctor told us that during these moments, his brain will tend to have illusions and imaginary situations.
Two weeks before he died, he suddenly rose from his bed and dragged his frail body towards the door of our house, then he looked at the road and the trees outside and asked me, “who will come to get me?” I looked at him intently and told him we will not go anywhere, and that we will stay here in the house. I was feeling bad because this might be a premonition to his passing. But he frowned and said to me, “I am leaving, the horses are here.” He pointed to the gate, and told me there were so many brown horses waiting for him, and that he was going away.
This always made us think that, perhaps, he was already having visions of his death, and that he may already be seeing the path to where he is going.
A short time after that, the struggle for cancer became too much, and he spent his last few moments in a Lung Center. As I sat on his hospital bed and brushed his hair, I kept singing to him the song of Psalms 23. It was the only way I could comfort him, as he was on the verge of dying. He was not conscious anymore, but I know he can still hear me.
Ang Panginoon ang aking pastol,
Pinagiginhawa akong lubos.
Handog niyang himlaya’y
Sariwang pastulan
Ang pahingahan ko’y
Payapang batisan
Hatid sa kaluluwa ay kaginhawahan
Sa tumpak na landas,
Siya ang patnubay.
Madilim na lambak man
Ang tatahakin ko
Wala akong sindak, siya’y kasama ko
Ang hawak niyang tungkod
Ang siyang gabay ko
Tangan niya’y pamalo,
Sigla’t tanggulan ko.
(The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley,I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.)
With tears on my eyes, I kissed him on the forehead, and whispered (non-verbatim), “You can go now, Papa. We will miss you a lot, but we want you to be healed from the pain. Please remember that I love you so much.”
That was the last moment I privately had with him. The next morning,as we all wept and prayed incessantly inside his hospital room, his battle with cancer ended. At 4:30 pm of that fateful day, he passed away peacefully.
His death was a real tragedy for me, and the pain of losing him may never subside in my heart, but I promised him that I will try to carry on, and I will take care of my Mama and my siblings.
I admire you, not just for even being able to write this so beautifully, but for remaining strong despite how painful this has been.
I am sure your Papa is so proud of you and what you will still accomplish. :)
virtual hug
Thank you so much, @charlocked!! I'd like to believe that somewhere up there, he is smiling and looking at me, guiding each day of my life, like he always did before.
*virtual hug *
I'm so sorry for your loss, your father clearly loved you very much and worked hard to keep you safe... I must admit, that question is certainly tough to answer, not because I don't know the answer, but because I do and rather wish I didn't; if you understand my meaning. You cared well for your father in his final days, when he needed you, you were there. So I'm certain he was exceptionally proud of you, as you should be of yourself :)Though you miss him, don't fear as your life continues to hold it's shine for having known him for the time that you did. I like to believe that the light of those special people never truly dies; it lives on through us, in our memories, our thoughts, our words and our actions :)
My Father died in June 2016 from Heart Failure. I was with him at the end. I had to authorise the medical staff to turn off the machines and I did so without hesitation, because me and my Father were close. He was very strong in his intentions and had told me what his wishes were. he didn't want to linger on living only by a machine and so I knew exactly what to do... But it's a choice that still troubles me sometimes. The last thing I said to him was: "Stay safe Dad, I love you." The doctors were very honest with us and so I knew he would not recover from his condition, so I saved my prayers. Rather than pray for him to recover I thought that if there is anything after this life, another place that we go to when we die then my prayers would be only for him to find safety wherever he may find himself. I can accept him gone as long as he is safe.
We are both very fortunate you and I to have had fathers who loved and cared about us :) I've spoken to many who were not so blessed, with parents who sadly caused them more harm than good. So I always say an added thanks for being allowed that great fortune :)
Hey, that comment really made me tear up. Thank you, @westley-nash. That's what I want to believe in too, that even though special people, like our fathers, have left our earthly lives, they will still continue to live through us. Their legacy will live on through the stories we tell, and through the unforgettable things they did in this world.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I don't know who your father was, but I know he also left a mark in this world, and a great imprint to the hearts of many people whom he loved. I also know that he's proud of you, for being so brave to face such circumstances in life. My condolences, too. I can relate so much with you, because my father also did not want to live on by the use of the machines, that's why he wanted to end the suffering as early as the doctors can.
I know our lives now are a lot different than the time we still had our fathers by our sides, but you're right, life will go on. We just have to continue living each day with great hope in our hearts.
I pray that our fathers will find light and peace wherever they are now.
Most welcome @mind-candy and thank you very mucj for your kind words :) We did right by them and I'm certain they know it. One small step after the other, we can walk very far. I've found that while time may not always be a healer as such, it defintely helps us to see things clearer, To be able to look back on those good times with joy, and without the tears clouding our vision; that is the true blessing :)
it's heartbreaking. i'm crying :(
Thanks for your good posts, I followed you!
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