Dating, Friendships & Social Media - My experience so far

Every time I ride my bike or drive my car- my mind wanders with so many thoughts. One thought is about social medias role in relationships now vs. then. I think about this more now since after establishing some solid relationships from people I have met off Facebook. Also, I have discussed this with many men and women about their dating life via social media.

I find the concept so odd people using dating websites to meet a significant other. However, quite a few of my friends who are women have used these sites to find a partner. Most have no luck but I know one currently in a committed relationship and she met him off OKCupid.

I have tried dating apps during the first year of being single. Not my cup of tea mind you and I tried dating men “organically” so meeting them by happenstance not via apps. They also were terrible people but at least I found them attractive and wanted to pursue a relationship with them. The guys off social media apps just have never come off to me as intriguing. I honestly believe it is because I would never meet them and we probably won’t have much in common. Also, a lot of them were extremely inappropriate and used vulgar approaches. Honestly they still do and slide in my DMs with “sup sexy.” and no it will never get me or any woman to reply. I did like the one guy from stunt scene I met off Facebook but then he didn't have my back and I am glad that situation never happened.

Now that brings me to the point of my good friendship off of Facebook. I met @kommienezuspadt off of a mutual Facebook photography group in our area. He wanted to meet up and I was nervous of course because I don’t meet people like this normally. Actually… in general I don’t meet a lot of people because I am shy and keep to myself. However, a year or so now later and I am so happy we became friends! He genuinely is a caring and super supportive person. I don’t know where would be without him and his constant “I told ya so” haha. He really is a great friend - he got me into Steemit and our coffee chats are the best. It is so great to have a male friend who understands the meaning of friend!

That leads me to my next point – so through Lars I met a few steemians @mada @lovejoy @tarotbyfergus and of course the lovely @Vermillionfox! All of whom are such genuine and good hearted people. Being in the bike scene I deal ( read prior post about the stunt lot drama) with a lot of misogynistic men, hate, disrespect and the list goes on of it being pretty terrible 95% of the time. As crazy as it is to me social media has brought positive relationships into my life but nothing romantic.

I need more pics with her!

Now I will say I am not looking for a romantic relationship. I did that type of relationship for 4.5 years and then another 3 years. Seems like a sentence from a judge when I write it out. The first year of being single was lonely because I was to use to (especially back to back relationships) having someone there. Once I got past that phase of singledom I finally fell in love with myself and hobbies. I also got into stunting via Facebook – that will be for another post.

The reason this topic has been on my mind – not only from my own experiences but speaking with others about theirs. When I went horseback riding last week my friend Sara spoke to me about her current experience of meeting men. She mentioned she was using Tinder and I warned her about it can be mainly for those interested in hooking up. She mentioned trying Bumble – which I supported this idea. What intrigued me about our conversation was her saying she disliked the messages men were sending. She didn’t like how they would send a simple “Hey” or “What’s up Sexy.” I agreed with her the simple “heys” or the vulgar sexy/beautiful/ insert cliché statement here – are not great and won’t win us over. However, I told her it’s interesting that a “Hey” may work in person but not over social media. I told her the environment you’re in will allow a simple “Hey” to not be creepy. However, it is because there is no conversation past the “hey” in the DMs. One man even asked her how her Monday was or something mundane like that and she was not thrilled. I totally get it – she is looking for something deeper than they’re showing via social media. I do think it is difficult to start a conversation from literally scratch though! I don’t know any of these guys and can’t speak on if they’re good people or not. However, any male that sends vulgar messages is disgusting. Regardless if this woman shows her body - it doesn't mean the male lost all possible control of himself and it's acceptable behavior - nooopee.

Sara and I taking in the view after our deep convo about life

I had one guy that I was interested in off of Instagram and I can’t work the nerve up to message him. I don’t like social media for meeting potential partners or whatever they may be. I don’t want to seem thirsty since I see him get a lot of –heart eye emojis- and that isn’t my style. If I meet someone in person then that allows me to judge if I am still even interested. I am super super picky though and rightly so – isn’t the point to meet someone who matches me well? No-one can tell me what is right or wrong for myself and I genuinely prefer organic interactions. So until then I will continue to be happily single and living out my bucket list =D

Overall I just find it so insane how we meet people now vs. how we use to. I guess well let’s be real – people use to use the newspaper to meet each other! Old school backpages via the good ol hometown newspaper hahaha! So I guess it really isn’t all that crazy that people spark something online either organically through a Facebook group/mutual friend or Tinder/OKcupid etc. Maybe it just isn’t for me but for others it may work!

I still won’t be using any dating apps/websites if I ever feel like dating again. However, if you have then you should comment and share your experience below!!

xx moony

The Best cuddles <3

So this post resonated with me, even from line one:

Every time I ride my bike or drive my car- my mind wanders with so many thoughts.

Yep, a lot of times when I'm road tripping alone, I'll have some really interesting conversations with myself. Sometimes these conversations and the insights that come out of them are incredibly difficult to crystallize into something that someone else can understand, but I remember during my last drive from Arkansas to St Louis, I had some fascinating ruminations about metaphysics and the nature of creating/being creative. And the ideas I had on that drive were brilliant, and they have forever refined the way I think about being creative, but I still don't know how to communicate those insights to someone else.

But I digress... ahh, yes, social media, and the general dearth of quality connections to be found there. This is another point I find myself nodding along to. How many people have I met in meatspace, and gotten along with fantastically, so before saying goodbye, we add each other on some social or messaging app, only to have all attempts at conversation online sputter and die? I have not found a way to reliably connect with others online and have those effortless conversations, where the ideas evolve and flow.

It is, in part, I suppose, due to that lack of connection in the world of connectivity that I have never been enticed into the online dating game. But more than that, it just doesn't feel right to me. I want those relationships to develop organically, and perusing through online repositories of people looking for relationships seems like exactly the kind of friendship astroturfing that I want to avoid. The approach feels like an act of desperation, not a winning strategy.

Anyways, I could ramble on, but the comment groweth long, so I'll sign off now. And my doorbell just rang, lol.

Thanks for posting :)