As a parent my mission is simple. I am here to prepare my children to for the challenges, opportunities, and risks of life so they may have the skills, knowledge, and moral compass to do more for society than I have. I believe we owe the future of mankind and deliver upon that debt by preparing the next generation to improve on what we have contributed.
I get this may just be me, but that is the way I choose to be as a person. It aligns with the code that I live by.
Therefore, I am a parent first. Guiding, teaching, showing them (lead by example), and giving them the experience I had to 'learn' by making mistakes. I also allow them to make informed mistakes, take risks, etc. if it is in a safe situation (usually with me right there). I think this is the best way for me (not imposing on anyone else here) to raise my children to have all the opportunities in life they possibly can. It then becomes their choice what to do with the tools they are given.
My job (parent) is first. If we become lifelong friends that is a bonus. But I decided long before they were born, that the objective stated above is first. If they hate me, but I have done my job, then I am still happy.
I agree that we need to be a parent first. And if we wind up as friends when they grow up, that's wonderful.
Completely agree with everything you said, you sound like a father that many people in this world need.