I feel you. As a father of two, I know how hard it is to stay cool all the time. Because kids are kids. They do and say things you are not appreciating, especially when they are in the puberty (which happens to be the case for both of mine).
Regarding the reactions of your wife I can say, you are not alone. We humans, tend to see only the bad things in life. This is especially true between husband and wife. Like that worries thing you already wrote about, this is something we have to deal with.
The best thing you can do is to talk to your wife on that fact in a calm moment, with a good glass of wine. Both of you need to talk about your feelings. She loves you, and there is a chance she is willing to work on herself to change.