Those long and harmonious talks
Most of us might have experienced very deep and endless talks with friends or family. Maybe while walking through the forest or along the beach on holidays. Those special talks wherein both of you could fill in the others words and have a perfect story to follow up with. You naturally know when to interrupt and when to fill in the end of the sentence of your interlocutor.
These things mostly happen with good friends, but can also happen with complete strangers. You can call this beautiful phenomena, 'being aligned', 'tuned in' or in a 'state of rapport'. This is a moment of full engagement with one another. Both of the persons are listening carefully to each other and know what to say based on what the other feels and thinks.
Listen carefully to know what peoples desires are.
Listening very carefully to others are one of the most dominant traits of top managers, teachers, leaders, doctors and social workers. This is something you can learn like almost every aspect of social intelligence and it’s a way to strengthen your relationships, being a more effective manager or colleague.
Whenever we are not emotionally aligned with another the way we communicate becomes different. It becomes a heavy rain of sentences which don't actually mean a lot. Because the other isn't listening and you're just talking about your thoughts and feelings. The other responds with a socially desirable answer and the conversation just ends up in being monopolized by the one who keeps the monologue going.
If you only think about sharing your own thoughts and ideas and not listening very well to others you're only satisfying your own needs. Without listening to the needs others. When both are listening careful to each other, the response is based on the thoughts and desire of the other. If this pattern keeps going on you get those long, deep and meaningful conversations.
What effective salesmen do.
Very effective salesmen have this build into their social spectrum of tools. What good salesmen do is not pushing their amazing product what is going to make their life’s great. No, a good salesmen listens carefully to their customers and tries to align with their emotional needs. They see themselves more as an advisor, trying to see if they themselves have something they can help the customer with. They build up trust very quickly to stay unbiased and build rapport. Then they will come with a solution only if they really have one for them. Building a trustworthy relationship with the customer is worth more than pushing a product down their throat.
So now that we know that listening very careful to emotionally align with another is a very useful trait to have and also fun of course. There is a trait that emerges from the communication between the deepest parts of our brain to our higher parts of the brain.
The most important social trait.
It's called Empathic Accuracy and is considered to be one of the greatest indicators of social intelligence. The most effective negotiator, advisor, teachers and diplomatic figures have these traits. It's accurately knowing what the other person thinks and feels without him saying it. Just by a very subconscious and complex social calculation you make, you can just feel what the other is feeling and thinking.
Empathic Accuracy is easy to test with a little secret camera show. Two individuals come into a room to participate for an experiment. The researcher comes in and tells them to wait for a moment to get some paper work. The researcher stays away for like 10 minutes. Meanwhile the two people waiting start to have a small talk. When the researcher comes back in they expect the experiment is about to start but it already happened. Because their little small talk has been recorded come camera. They now have to go separate and watch the video tape and write down what they were thinking and feeling at certain moments.
Empathic Accuracy is very important for stable relationships.
For example someone was telling that they felt silly because they couldn't remember someone's name. The other persons thought correctly that the other was feeling a little uncomfortable at that point. These secret and unspoken thoughts and feelings are what makes people socially intelligent. Empathic accuracy is one of the keys for a successful marriage. Not know what your partner thinks and feels is as if you're being misunderstood. You feel disconnected and marriage is all about being connected with one another. Whenever your partner feel sad and you have no clue why, it can feel as if you are not in a relationship not connected. Accurately knowing and feeling what the other thinks is what makes you feel connected.
Empathic accuracy is a function that allows us to guess someone’s intentions. I mean, when we are alone on the streets in the dark and we see a shady person somewhere. All our energy goes to our ability to accurately guess what the others intentions are. Having a high empathic accuracy gives us a better chance of surviving, it might be a person that wants to rob you.
It's a very complex function of the brain what involves the 'Limbic system' basically the emotional brain what lays deep in the brain to the higher functions of the brain the 'Neo Cortex' Rationality and planning.
So it's not all knowledge and schoolbooks in life to become successful, intelligent or fulfilled. It's more complex than that. In my opinion its wide array of skills, knowledge, resources, relationships and community that you need to become successful in life. This is just the tip of the iceberg of what you can learn to improve your quality of life.
I’m trying to inspire others to critically think about yourself and others around you to improve and make this world a better place. Hope you find this useful and maybe motivate you to actively make these traits your own!
Part 1: https://steemit.com/life/@mysted/can-this-save-your-relationships-social-intelligence-real-part-1
Part 2: https://steemit.com/life/@mysted/can-you-spot-a-liar-social-intelligence-part-2
Thanks for reading and have a great day!
empathy is one of the quality of being emotional intelligent, emotional intelligent is usually extrovert person.
That's probably true, emotionally intelligent people mostly act extrovert. Like comedian's, actors and other stage people have a great social and emotional intelligence. Also like in theathre, you have to impersonate an other character. Whenever you do that you are also going to feel and act like that character. That may be also a way to learn how the psychology of people work.
I think this because I used to study social work. And a way to learn how to communicate in diffcult conversations was via roleplaying. Also whenever you played the "patient" or "cliënt" you could feel and learn what effect spoken words had whenever your partner (playing the social worker/ psychologist)said something off, or stupid.
Thanks for reading m8 and have a good day :)
Well done, creativity
I liked your words .. Thanks for the advice and this important information
Thanks for sharing
Lots of good insight above - enjoyed reading, thanks
Thanks for reading! ;)
I enjoyed a lot of the intimations and observations you used to highlight some of the almost imperceptible things that can be gleaned from the "oh so easy to miss" cues audible and inaudible when engaging in a real conversation.
REAL conversation (strange though it may sound) thrills and excites me, I am not a proponent of smalltalk, but give me the chance to really get to feel, connect, understand and know someone from a fulfilling conversation and I am happy all day.
A sad trait that is all too prevalent in the modern day is the person who looks like they are listening, acts like they are listening, but actually is just waiting to speak again, thinking about the words they will use and the message they want to convey, this creates a blockage in the psyche which stops the alleged listener from really hearing You alluded to the traits of a great emotionally intuitive salemen, but the former trait is oft displayed by the poorest form of salesman. This poor habit is often used by people bordering on narcissistic, whilst they wait to regale you with an interesting anecdote that demonstrates how wonderful they are or even worse a chance to "virtue signal"
while we traverse the path among our fellow travelers here on this quirky little blue and green orb, we should use the tragically finite and uncertain number of days that we have to really engage with each-other. to truly connect with another is a richly rewarding gift of an experience that is incredibly underrated.
The right words from us can make or break another persons day, can lift a spirit and give encouragement, it can be instrumental in someone achieving their goals and dreams.
You have more than likely noticed that your post struck a chord with me and features a topic that I immensely passionate about :)
So thankyou for a wonderfully written piece and for giving me the chance to discuss it here (and maybe pontificate a little)
I shall leave you with a reminder of a fact that I'm sure you are acutely aware, from your apparent knowledge on the subject...
Only SEVEN PERCENT of conversation is verbal, that means 93 percent of what we "actually" hear comes from many other sources...this makes it incredibly difficult to ever actually lie or feign interest in another human being!
I think I finally understand why my wonderful Lady doesn't ever seem to believe me when I come home and she asks...
"How many drinks did you have?"
Whahaha, I enjoyed your honesty and I believe you had some drinks but, thanks for reading I appreciate the reply, lost you a few times in the comment but hey. I get the vague picture. Wish I could upote you more whaha epic.
Thankyou very much sir :)
At the time of commenting, this was the only post of yours I had read, however I went back and read all 3 parts in chronological order and I confess I really enjoyed them.
My top tip for this kind of post is that case studies rock!
I enjoyed the example of the (I don't wanna say fat kid...but...uhm...) and the way he chose to reframe the situation, sometimes a real world example can hammer home the point one is trying to make, and it DID
Secondly the little test on reading a persons manner from only their eyes was a très cool addition to the post, anything that promotes interaction is an epic WIN.
Finally in my unholy trinity of tips is a tip that is...uhm...not actually a tip, more a pat on the back (much like the previous 2, now that I come to think about it haha)
I like the idea of releasing a longer post over a few days, it's not an idea that would have crossed my mind, but it works...
Keep going man, whale-like status beckons, I assure you.
Well written, informative yet snappy and complete with awesome images...as a complete package the 3 posts in this series are great.
Oh and by the way I just had the one drink as I was worried about my halo slipping :D
Just don't check the eyes!!!
Whahaha, Thanks m8! You have a funny writing style ;) made me laugh.. Making an other part in a few days.
It's quiet funny to write them but takes some time to make. I obviously can't write indepth shit with lot's of difficult words in one stretch, need to look up, confirm and reread stuff on the go.
Thanks again bro!
One huge benefit of listening well (with an open mind, being nonjudgmental, and tuning in fully) is it creates the space for the other person to actually tell us what they want. A great sale person gets them in the mood by asking questions and taking a real interest in what they want or need. From here closing the sale is easy.....you "sell" from the place of where your product or idea in aligned with their needs and wants! POOF the sale made itself. Thanks for the thoughtful post. Looking forward to checking out your others!
Yeah indeed eventually it sells itself if you ask the right questions ;) Thanks have a good day!
ground2feet (54) sir good work
I like the term "empathic accuracy" (instead of just the broad "empathic") because it also implies the notion of empathic inaccuracy. Now if you dont like that "smart IT guy" because he always says awkward things at awkward times that make other people feel uncomfortable and uncertain, it's much easier (and nicer) to just say that person is empathically inaccurate, instead of "I think he's autistic, at best, or a narcissist or an asshole, at worst".
Thats a great observation. I haven't even considered this yet lol. Smart thought haha. Thanks for reading! :)
Listening to someone is the most important skill to develop.
Until you can learn to listen, you won't be able to develop any form of relationship with anyone or animal.
Hahah or animal.. but that's so true. Learning to listen is really important, someone recently came to me for advice what to do about a little argument he had. I was like.. have you asked her what her story is why she acted the way she did? He was like.. 'nope". So I told him just do that and don't judge, only hear and acknowledge.
Thanks for reading m8! :)
Well Said!
Funny that you wrote about listening skills in sales -I just answered in a job interview to a question "Describe good salesman" that the key is to listen to peoples needs; not only what they say their looking for but to read between the lines by trying to connect with them so that they will feel comfortable.
I think listening skills are probably the most important of all social skills and everyone should focus on enhancing them. Friendships and relationships can get deeper and better if one truly listens to another.
This post was really interesting in my point of view since I'm studying education in uni and very interested in all psychological and social aspects of humanity. Thank you for writing this good quality post!
Haha, that's a nice coincidence that you stumbled upon this article. Listening skills makes it easier to have converstations aswell because you start to know what questions are important to the other person so the talk flows towards what the other wants.
Thats true. We do it a lot (ask questions and fill sentences) with my bestie but thats prolly only cause we know eachother so well..
Great Post! The power empathy within our interactions is incredible. Too often it gets overlooked and you hear people say "there's just something about him/her that I just click with". The ability to be empathic in your relationships and in a work environment can not only assist you in these areas but bring you a new sense completeness and peace knowing that you are operating with a deeper understanding.
Great stuff mysted.
Definetely that sense of completeness is really important. People mostly are happy with their jobs, only because the environment is positive and the relations between people are fun and outgoing while doing the basic tasks.
Good reply thanks :)
Thanks for sharing this positive vibe.
Upvoted and resteemd to spread your word! Hope your blog will be a great succes !
Heey jij had ook gereageerd op me longboard video toch? ahha Thanks voor resteemen ;)
Klopt man!
Some people are just good at making money man, its just that simple lol
Why you say that? I haven't mentioned anything about making money.
well you spoke about the effective sales man
the most important for me at least from this post, that I need to put more in listening because when you know what the person desires are, you can do a lot with this information as from selling point and not only.
a wise man learn more from listening than talking.
That's a great way of putting it. To be honest I, my self find myself in a situation where I just talk to much and see the other nodding. But I just know they are not following me and thinking of something else. Then Ill just smoothy stop and ask something about them haha
Wait what was the name of the first guy again?
Benefactor Cobblestone?
Benadryl Cabbagepatch?
Beneficial Cucumber?
Battlefield Counterstrike?
Blunderbutt Chunkybap?
hahaha yeah his name is weird ehh? xD
You are mistaken my friend...
It is Bendicential Crimblehatch
I am extremely happy to clear up any confusion for you.
Go forth armed with this supreme knowledge and share it far and wide, I wish you the very best of luck and shall be following you just so that I am at hand incase you find yourself at a disadvantage at some future point in time (although I am not entirely sure that I believe time exists...I think it may be a corporate construct!)
Did I mention that I admire the cut of your jib, that must be an expression that works only in England, right?
Take care and have a stunning and meteoric journey, live long and prosper :)
Easy to read, hard to do for me because my social antiphaty
Best thing I've read today. Keep steeming and we'll be seeing you talk about your book on Oprah in a few years.
Whahaha, oprah. Mehh, having my own show
This is such a good read! Lots of positive vibes! Looking forward for your next post!
Thanks m8!
enjoyed it so much.thanks for sharing dear.
Thanks @sharminwadud, I will share another one in a few days :)
So much information! what a helpful post :) Follow me back please :)
Depends on what you share in your blogs :P
It is always important to know what that person thinks, we must learn to listen more and talk less. Greetings I really liked your post.
Thanks for reading! hope it was useful :)
It was ;)
My friend you such a share very good i read it and enjoy your psot so Lots of positive story ,and waiting for your next post.keep it up good job
Thanks for reading :) Always keeping the positivity up!
mysted (56) well come boss
Empathy is an important part of emotional intelligence and a strong indication of one's character.
And if you can't develop empathy ... it can be faked. For better or worse, good observation skills can help. Although empathy is important to our development as human beings.
Ima agree on that sir. Indeed it can be faked. But mostly you can see through that.
Empathy above all! (insert thumbs-up emoji thing)
=)
Hi. I liked your post, keep it up. I wish you good luck and have a good day, and of course you can also get a big jackpot :)
Hahah, I hope so. Would be fun to hit a jackpot. But as far as my life goes. That really hasn't happened yet ;)
Most people only hear but not really listen to what is actually said.
Better to listen more than to speak. Indeed! :)
@mysted hey thankyou for sharing this beautiful post its great and if we set goal then only we can achieve it by only focus on that because if we don't have focus we can not do such things thats why we have to very clear for this. Thanks for this!
Thanks for reading!
I really like this with your post. Hopefully this can be my reference and useful for me in my daily life and life. Success always for you my brother @mysted and hopefully always in the protection of God.
Best Regard @ airil280708.
Thanks for reading m8. Appreciate it!
Thank you again
This is the essence of steemit. We learn new things daily. ''Empathic Accuracy''- my friends are in trouble- going to lecture them on this. Thanks a lot
Hahah great that you lecture your friends about it ;) Thanks for reading m8
One of the best explanations on the power of FEELING.
The image you have used of Leonardo is actually right on.
Also I think when we tune into the feeling of the other person it's the same like what happens with a tuning fork. Things start to harmonize and amplify. This benefits both.
Haha amazing methaphore, but their is some truth in that. Because our brains send out certain magnetic waves. Whenever we are in a state of rapport with someone. Our brain waves start to synchronize, that's why you can see some people together who almost work as if they are one. They are both on exactly the same state of mind!
very interesting
Congratulation @mysted ! your post - Key aspects of successful people. Human alignment and empathic accuracy. Part 3, listed on today's Top 10 count down on Main Catagory #Life 9 March, 2018 To See your post's list, visit https://steemit.com/life/@blownup/blownupcountdown-001-top-10-count-down-steemit-posting-on-main-catagory-life
Thanks for listing me ! @blownup
cheers!
@mysted thank u so much for this post , and i think too that everyform of giving( like listening to others , having releshionship with your partener) is so important , i belive what goes around comes around :D
What goes around comes around indeed! Thanks for reading my post dear :D
This got me craving for success
Well, that's great.
true that...
nice post dear
You got a 9.48% upvote from @buildawhale courtesy of @mysted!
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The success is to like yourself, like what you do and like how you do it.
I loved your post
This is an excellent article. I couldn't agree more.
Yes oo, i love this. Keep smiling it make's your haters angry and keep you young.
You are right. What a lovely write up. I love it
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Good!
Normal is an illusion .
What is normal for a Spider is Chaos for the fLy
I have read a psychological research that observed that people who only talk about their own thoughts, feelings, experiences and do not listen to what the others are saying, or just not showing interest in other people, is one sign that they are selfish and can be toxic. Better to stay awa from them.
Nice article! Everyone wants to be heard. and listening is really important to our social life. I usually think introvert have their own advantages in social too, as they usually are a better listener.
Thank You so much for this writing! I've been thinking a lot about my own lack of Empathy and Compassion lately so this is really inspirational! I recently realized that my heart had become so closed down because I'm so empathetic and someday's it's just painful to see the suffering of so many all around the world.
it feels a bit contradictary. You first say you have a lack of empathy and then you say you have a lot of empathy seeing all the suffering? im a bit confused haha
If you are confused, you should be in my consciousness. I know that I am an empath, yet I constantly close my energy down because of all the pain in the world. I truly want to be able to have authentic empathy and compassion. I just don't feel like I do such a good job some days! ;-)
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