On Wednesday, 25. of July, my long-time boyfriend DR went on a business trip to America. He is a programmer, working in a slovene company that is cooperating with many companies, including abroad. This time they are also cooperating with an American company in a suburb of San Francisco. DR and 2 other co-workers were already working on this application for a while, but now they were invited to San Francisco, so they get acquainted with the application as best as possible. It will be a little easier since that because they now have the chance to work on that application in the same room as the people that ordered this application and with people who are also working on it (better and immediate communication, …) and can fully acquaint with the nature of it. Since we are in Europe in Slovenia and they are in America near San Francisco, it's a little more complicated to work together because of the time zone (9 hours difference), especially because the project started not so long ago. I am very proud of DR and very happy for him, but I wish that this time passes as quickly as possible.
In January it will be 8 years since we are in a relationship. We live almost 7 years together and we haven't been apart even for a day. Well, we were apart at the beginning, when we went home for the weekends to make it a little easier for our families, but already then it was really hard for me to be separated from him even just for the weekend. This is the first time after a long time (at least 6 years), that we are apart for more than 1-2 days and you can imagine, that it is extremely hard, well, for me, especially because it lasts 17 days. The trip came suddenly and because of that it was even a bigger shock. Well, many of his co-workers have already traveled to different countries, so it was quite the question of time when the time will come that also DR will travel somewhere, but still.
I don't see my family (my mom, younger sister and younger brother) every week, maybe once or twice in a month/two months. In the past there were also times, when I only saw them once every few months. It was hard, but not as hard as this time. I don't know, how to describe it, but I am very very attached to my boyfriend and miss him really really bad. The trip only lasts two weeks, but these few days that have already past, already seem like infinity. Usually, time runs very fast for me, to fast, but not this time. I just can't help myself, I can't control my heart when it comes to my boyfriend. My love for him is exceptional, he is the one and he is my first (and last).
Few days before the trip I had many different feelings and was afraid of not having him for two weeks. I cried quite a lot, the tears just came by itself without even thinking. When the day came I felt strange, yeah, strange is the right word. I tried to be strong and held my tears to myself so it wouldn't be that difficult for him if he saw me cry on that day. But as soon as we said goodbye and he left, I completely lost it. Tears were falling like they were on a conveyor belt. I immediately felt the absence so hard, it was like a hole was put in me. The emptiness is still in me and it will be there until he comes back. I don't know if this is “normal” or not, but I was made that way. It's crazy, I know, but to know that he is on another continent so far away for two weeks is weighing me down. I also hate airplanes and have never traveled with them yet. I have aerophobia/aerial phobia, which means the fear of flying, so this is also a huge reason why I feel that way about his traveling. I hope that someday I will find the courage to take at least one hour trip with an airplane because I also want to travel to some (more) distant countries as well.
I am aware that the air traffic is the safest transport, but I still feel very uncomfortable. Because if something happens you can't do anything and it's over. When you are on the ground there is still a chance to avoid the accident and to survive, but not if something happens on the plane and this is making me crazy crazy. Right now I would probably digest shorter flights, not sure yet, (I was also feeling a little, just a little better, when his first flight was 2 and a half hour long), but the longer flights are the ones, that are eating me from the inside and making me sick. His second flight was 8 hours and a half, can you imagine? I was losing it. I watched the flight on the Internet all the time and my heart was beating like crazy. Barely after they landed I could breathe normally again. The third and the last flight was 4 hours, so it was crazy as well, but not as much as the previous one.
The first day, the flights day was insane for me. I hadn't had any appetite, I wasn't feeling to do anything. Instead of the butterflies, I had maggots in my stomach. This day was really the toughest. But let's not forget => he still has to come back, so the last day will be as tough as the first one, can't wait.
When I couldn't see him anymore I went with our dog for a walk. During the walk I took some pictures, it helped me to relax a little. But the whole day, from the moment I wasn't able to see him anymore (at 7:00 am), I was like The Moaning Myrtle from Harry Potter, literally. The whole day every few hours, I cried like a child that has lost his favourite toy. The second day was still very hard. Now it's the fourth day and I recovered a little, but as I said I will have this weird, heavy feeling inside me until my man comes home. Then the heavy stone will be pulled from my heart in I will be relaxed, again.
I just love him so so much and for me he is the most important “thing” in my life. I am very independent and feel quite strong, but he is my weakness and strength at the same time. I am just so happy that we found each other and that we fell in love. It's priceless. Loving this one person and being loved back by this one person is the best feeling in the world and nothing will change that ever.
Here are some pictures that I made that day and some of them I find quite nice.
A stork on the roof
Arni
Cichorium intybus
Up to the sky
Convolvulus/Bindweed
I don't know the name of that plant, but looks very interesting
Some kind of grass
The shadow of me and the dog
Erigeron annuus
Arni and the apples
White Hibiscus
A pink flower, but I don't know the name
The stigma of the carpel of that flower looks like a heart
A bee in a Hibiscus syriacus (Rose of Sharon)
The bee from the previous picture was completely covered with the pollen => it almost couldn't fly
Little yellow flowers, I am not sure of the name
Arni under the sky and a big tree
Another yellow flowers, I am not sure of the name either
It looks like Crateva religiosa, but I am not sure if it is or not
Dark pink flower (a type of a honey plant)
Light pink flower (a type of a honey plant)
The massive pink flower of the rose
Calystegia sepium
A bee in the flower of the Calystegia sepium
The sweet neighbor's dog Pika
I already apologize in advance if I wrote some things in a strange way or for any spelling mistakes. Usually my boyfriend corrects my written texts, because he is much better in English than I am (he is actually great), so I hope the post won't be too hard to read.
