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It's odd writing this. Recently, I went through something that I had a feeling would eventually happen. But, the way I see it, it's still a good thing. This allows me time to find myself again and figure things out. It's not what I ideally wanted to happen, but things like this, you can never expect.
I always say I know who I am and I know what I want. And I still feel that way. But at the same time, I've always defined myself by how others are feeling. If someone I genuinely care about isn't happy, then I try and find ways to make them happy, because that makes me happy. And that can both be a good and bad thing. If I try to define myself based on someone else's happiness, I will never be happy. I will never be able to be ok with myself because I'll always be worried if someone else is ok.
I was devasted yesterday and I think it's still going to take time to recover fully, but at the end of the day, I can't let it affect me too much to the point where it just unravels everything. It's going to be odd being in the situation I'm in currently. As I said previously, I've always defined myself by this person's happiness. But, looking back at everything, we didn't really have that great of a relationship. And fault was on both sides. I'm always going to love them and I know they're always going to love me. Things change and sometimes relationships have to end. I hope that we both can figure out who we are and find our own happiness. And I really hope that we can work things out. I want us to be together and I want us to have a future together. But for now, I need to find myself again.![unnamed.jpg]