I absolutely love this post! I had a similar experience I'll share. I don't know your age, but I was a minor when I spent four days in a psych ward so my experience was probably a little crazier. First, there was nothing wrong with me other than I had shit for a home life. My mom was very mentally ill and convinced herself that I, at twelve years old, was the sick one. She took me in and told them I had a fascination with knives, threatened to kill her and myself and that I needed serious help. She was blatantly lying, but of course nobody wanted to believe the kid and I was lying and in denial as far as they were concerned. So they admitted me and roomed me with a seventeen year old who was four times my size and there for anger issues. I was terrified to go to sleep at night. During the day, everyone was generally quiet, but there was a girl who would spring up out of no where and bite the person closest to her. There was also a girl who would leave her door open, stand in front of the mirror naked and call herself a stupid whore. I remember the meals being good, but I was a fat ass and felt hungry all the time. I was allowed to have magazines as long as I threw the staples away, so that was nice. Sometimes they would take us to the gym to play basketball. After my one on ones with the doctor everyday, it became evident that I was there for no good reason and they sent me home - which, like you said, just ended with me being back in my shitty home environment. It was nice being away for four days. I was on edge, always preparing myself to have to fight some nut off, but I still enjoyed being away. What I did not appreciate was being forced to wake up at 6 every morning!!! I'm so glad you're not suicidal anymore and hope that you are doing well. Depression is an awful thing that I've suffered with since I was six years old. It's awful.
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I was an adult during my two trips--I had my 21st birthday in the psych ward. :( (We had a real party when I got back.)
Sounds like they didn't have an equivalent of the Double Crazy Ward there. People did actually flip out from time to time, but they usually ended up in Rapid shortly thereafter. Mind you, when someone is screaming and punching one of the lockers, you'd rather be somewhere else immediately.
As for depression, I still have Bipolar II, but I cope with it far, far better. Thanks for your concern. I hope you're doing well, yourself!
What was crazy to me was that on our floor all you had to do was walk through some double doors and you were in the adult section of the hospital. We were all so close to one another. Also, since I'm not 100% familiar with how all this works, I'm assuming when you say "Rapid" you mean a padded room? That's where everyone went when they had to be tranquilized. One girl, the one who called herself a stupid whore, snuck out of her room late at night, crawled on all fours to a boy's room so the nurses couldn't see her, and got in bed with one boy in particular and asked him to "fuck" her while taking her shirt off. Needless to say, she got tranquilized quite a bit, especially when that poor boy started screaming!
I've got pretty bad depression and have since I was six. My mom has bi polar disorder and like you she's not perfect now, but she is much better. She is thinking rationally. Which I can't say is true for the past. The next thing I'm going to say may or may not work for you, but I want to mention it in case it could bring you more relief. I'm not sure what state you're in or if it's legal, but my mom replaced her medication with marijuana and it has saved her life. She used to take upwards of 20 pills a day. She was hateful, slept through most of my childhood and could not think clearly. She recognized that all those pills were only causing harm and she completely stopped taking them. She was sick for a few weeks, but started smoking and has been so much healthier ever since. I'll stop talking your ear off now.
Rapid was an actual full-on ward, just much smaller, and nearly everyone therein was tranquilized. I didn't see any padded room, but they (staff) said that they used restraints in extreme cases.
Medical marijuana is not legal in my state. After seeing what damage drugs do to lives, I would be very dubious about trying it myself. (Most of what damage I saw was in the psych ward, for that matter). My pills do seem to be working, although I do have to change medications every now and then.
I personally agree with you on the marijuana thing. Despite it helping my mom and helping a lot of other people, I will never, ever smoke it. I've watched it ruin so many lives and I don't want to be one of those people. I'm opening myself up to a lot of criticism here, but I don't care what people say - I think marijuana IS addicting. I have family members who go insane when they run out of it. They can't function. I think if a doctor prescribes it and you follow the proper dosage it can help, but for recreational use, it's a no from me. I'm so glad your pills are working for now. 😀