Hi kryptik, do you really just want feedback? You seem to be doing fine. ;P I think the style of writing relies upon emotion, drama, and realism, so the specifics of the syntax and whatnot aren't very important. I do think that events kind of jump from one to the next without strong transition, and there are some errors like "helping it's residents" -> its, and "She was struggling to breath" -> breathe. But I also think the simplicity is part of the strength with your story because the events themselves carry it.
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Well that's a combined effort of a ninth grade education and the autocorrect of the tablet I write on working against me.
Noted.
I really admire the proficiency and integrity of your writing.
Thanks for reading.
I need to be held accountable for my mistakes!