What Could It Be?
I've been looking for it all day.
Today started out like most days I experience.
I opened my eyes and noticed I was laying on a bed. The darkness from the night before had dissipated into a fresh new sunny day. I do not ask the world how this happens, I just accept it and move on. Whatever. My mom used to call me a miracle too and I know how I turned out, so it can't be that special.
The bathroom is where I find myself next.
It is an exciting room and every time I leave I feel more better than I did before I entered. Most other rooms in the house aren't like that. Sometimes I wonder about how good life could be for everyone if the world was just one giant bathroom where if you had a problem, you could just flush it away instead of holding on to it until you're ready to explode.
Many of you know what comes next.
Mm. Coffee. I sure do like me some hot cup of coffee.
With a splash of milk and a bit of willpower, I'm able to enjoy my favorite morning beverage without sweeteners. Those bastards lied to me anyway. The coffee does not taste sweet with sugar added in; it tastes like ass.
For the record: I do not know what ass tastes like. I just assume it's awful based on the smell. If I found a dead animal on the side of the road, it would stink, and I would know almost instantly that putting it in my coffee would probably be a bad idea. This logic seems to escape other minds on this planet but I'm not here to judge.
Now that I have my coffee,
it's time to sit and relax.
You'd think after spending an entire night of basically doing nothing but drooling on a pillow and acting like a vegetable, I'd be excited to get up and go.
Nope. Not yet. It isn't time. Getting mobile is a big step and I need to prepare myself. Life can be a battle and I'm not the type to just close my eyes and start windmill swinging my arms around until there are guts everywhere. I've always known I'm not a helicopter at the airshow flying above that crowd of people who actually paid money that day to say, "Run. It's going to crash," so there's no point in acting like one.
No sirree. Each day, I plan on taking life by storm and the only way to do that, I find, is to sit around and wait for the right moment; then run out and punt mother nature into the next space-time continuum with one perfectly timed and well placed kick to the hoohoo.
That all takes skill; and something else. Something else?
Something else.
Something. Else.
That Reminds Me
I'm supposed to be writing an article about losing something.
I needed something. I got up from my chair. I remember it all like it was today because it was today. That part I know for sure. Or maybe today was yesterday. Or maybe you're reading this ten years from today. It doesn't matter.
Anyway.
I walked towards a cupboard. I opened the cupboard once I got there. I paused.
Why am I here? What am I doing?
I looked at everything inside of the cupboard, twice. I closed the cupboard. I thought if I just hit the imaginary reset button, everything would fix itself and go back to normal. I then opened the cupboard again and still, I could not figure out why I was there looking at the contents of this cupboard.
Feeling perplexed, I went back to sit down. I needed to think.
Why did I get up and walk towards that cupboard?
I'm convinced it was important because I don't normally get up off of my ass for any other reason.
Normally I'll do smart things like that one time I said quantum physics and people were impressed. So what's going on here?
All day, I've been staring at this cupboard, wondering. Every few minutes I go back to see if what I once needed has arrived. Whatever I wanted isn't there anymore. Or maybe it wasn't there in the first place. What the hell was it though? Why did I open the cupboard? Why did I start looking for something when I don't even know what it was I was looking for?
Did I lose it? Am I missing something? Was I robbed? What did they take?
I need to take a break.
~~~
Twelve Hours Later
I figured it out!
After opening every cupboard, digging through every drawer, and ripping the entire house apart while thinking if I see it, I'll know what I was looking for; I solved the puzzle.
So if any of you out there in internet land see my mind wandering around somewhere, please tell it I miss it, and I'd like it to come home. If my mind is reading this, just know: I'm not angry, everything will be okay, we can move past this, please. Please, please, please; come home. I need you.
P.S. I made supper. It's in the fridge. Just warm it up in the microwave. Two minutes on high.
Nice share, well played. I love this song.
Perfect!
And what a timeless movie those clips are pulled from.
I keep coming back to hear this track again and again because I've lost it but that's cool. The movie there, yeah man. One of the best ever.
Heheh... so you've lost your mind eh? Again? This whole time I was thinking you were going to say you were up to get food, and forgot to eat. That's what goes in the cupboard, right? Food!
Still, I don't think you've lost your mind quite yet; the "doorway effect" is a real thing that happens to perfectly cognitive people. Call me back when you've started leaving the dish detergent in the fridge and putting your socks down the garburator.
I fed my cat to the fish.
You Surrealist jester, miss you 😜 Miss my mind, too. But after the initial panic, stopped looking & traveling lighter, now...
this is so funny. I like your use of smaller print. And I especially like the part where you say normally you do smart things. Not only was it funny but also great foreshadowing, haha!
I wish I were so lucky as you, only just lost your mind three days ago! Ah, I would say I could remember those days, when I thought I would find my mind again. But alas, I cannot.
Maybe there's a strange lair where all our minds gather and talk about us. I bet they have fancy cheeses.
I agree with @josediccus. This is the funniest thing ever.
After the first few lines Jim Carrey took over my mind, and it just was hilarious, because from there on I pictured Jim doing his thing mimicking the whole "episode".
I would fricking love a chance to be able to write something that's intended to be acted out by someone like Jim Carrey. Are you reading this, Jim!
Hey! Thanks for enjoying this.
I’m going guess a cat before reading this post is what you misplaced. If it was air well you could not have made this post.
There no shame in admitting you know what ass tastes like. We have all forgotten to wash our hands once in our lives before handling food.
I was right you lost acat the control your body. I know you humans mistake that for a brain all the time. Ok so what you need to do is go down to the local animal shelter and pick up a new one. After a few days you should be back to normal. You should also a love for tuna again which might been why it left since it sounds like the cabinets did not have any. #neverrunoutoftuna
Oddly enough, I just finished deleting an email. It's gone forever. It had an address and everything. They had a used cat for sale and it was only ten bucks.
Must been my owner trying sell me again. I can more than understand the electric bill was 20k to run my operations of time travel which is rather cheap if you ask me.
hahaha, okay this time, i like the cranky you that likes to get prepared for waking up before waking up, lol, i feel you man, i will like to ask one question though, did you have a blunt last night? Maybe that will lead us to where your mind is
No blunts, no booze, nothing. Those are rare treats in my world. Earlier on I simply forgot what I got up to go get and that inspired this whole bit. I won't say I'm not crazy though. LOL
Lol you are one of a kind, i like that you have embraced your uniqueness, i like it more that you can share your thoughts into words like this hehe, wish i could, i like it
Are you sure it's not the last cookie you ate when no one was looking the other day? Because coffee goes better with cookies ;)
I miss that cookie about as much as I miss my mind. Those were the days...
They say that the secret to happiness is a good sense of humor & a bad memory ...
I forgot all about that line.
They're right!
I would like to lose chunks of my long term memory, but keep the rest of my mind. I wonder if you have any recommendations on that?
Try a drill. Just make sure to use the right bit. That's probably bad advice. To be honest, I'm not sure. Vodka might work, but that gets expensive and you have to keep reapplying it.
I don't have the commitment for a lobotomy and I've never been that good with a drill. And I have a weak stomach; alcohol in, alcohol out. I guess I am back to grin and bare it.
I hope you have located your mind by now.
I left the light on all night, still nothing. I suppose I should get to work making a lost kitty like poster to stick on power poles.
I think it may have been missing a lot longer than you realize. Good riddance. You are effective without it.
i like to read your ... ah.
"You'd think after spending an entire night of basically doing nothing but drooling on a pillow and acting like a vegetable"
That was what I felt completely this weekend
Lol. I salute your sense of humor.
While reading, I was thinking; "what could you have misplaced?". Then I remembered when I thought I misplaced my phone, and I was searching everywhere, but I later found it in my hand. I was holding it all these while, but was looking for it :)
This is like the funniest thing I've read in decades I mean who forgets about writing what they're looking for and starts talking about coffee that tastes like as?
Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa well maybe you need to taste ass to see if it's awful don't invite me, I won't come 😀😀😀😀😀
In decades? That's incredible, thank you! It makes me happy that you were able to get a good laugh out of this chaos.
I really had slurps of laughter my kidney hurt, you should really do this more often, it's like medicine hahsha
😂😂😂 Dude, I am afraid you may forget where your head's based one day LOL
I am too. I had to live inside the body of a crazy person for many hours just to be able to pull this one off. I'm pushing my luck. One day I might get stuck there.
What you've lost will be found. Just like that one time I was looking for my glasses. Couldn't find them for a good 2 minutes before realizing that I could read the small text on the pack of cigarettes I grabbed to calm my frustration of not being able to find the glasses that were right on my nose.
ps: This made my early rainy morning. Thank you :)
I've lost cigarette lighters that moments later showed up in my hands.
hahahahaha...been there too! I think every smoker (I quit a few years back) is a lighterthief. Even if it was a special edition goldplated Zippo with your name engraved in it, they seem to develop some rare form of instant amnesia...
Hahahaha. This is funny but I can totally relate to it you know. There are days I leave my house to work and my mind keeps telling me I have forgotten something but I just can't figure out what it is and the funny thing is the mind is always right. If you feel like something is missing, odds are something a truly missing. Nice one @nonameslefttouse. Have you figured it out now?
I still don't know. Aside from my mind(obviously), whatever is missing will most likely be gone forever. It's good to know I'm not alone in this fight though.
My friend, it sounds like your first case of sometimers. Don't worry. It happens to most of us. Those keychains that let you open your car remotely were really designed so your car would call you. LOL
I used to work in retail. Years ago. I'd sit outside on my breaks. Coffee, cigarette, people watching. You're right. I've seen thousands of people use that fancy button to find their missing cars. It's funny but at the same time, the struggle is real. There's so much going on this world now. Far too easy to become distracted.
It's necessary explain it.
It's really funny I got a laugh but it depends on the mood you have, because on my part that last paragraph made me feel devastated.
That way of writing is great.
The whole thing was a joke. It's all good!
Basically you suffer of alzheimer at young age and you don't want to admit it.
You should try what an ass taste like. Asses are sexy and yummy too.
<3
I don't think I'm ready to try ass yet. If I did though, at least I'd forget the taste.
I think its a best line from full article
"It is an exciting room and every time I leave I feel more better than I did before I entered."
I won't be much help...........
excellent post ..loving to your blog.thanks for sharing.........//////////
Vaya realmente me la creí Jajaja, debo decirte que el café no sabrá aculo nunca :v es algo increíblemente delicioso y algo muy vicioso para los adictos como nosotros :D
So, you made a post about trying to make a post and not having an idea of what made that post about.
Brains. Blowing. Up.
No.
Hey @nonameslefttouse. It's been a little over 23 hours now... Did you find it yet? If not, let me know and I'll have another look around here for you!
I do this too- when my mom does it, she calls it 'senior moments', but I've been having these moments for as long as I can remember. Jump up from my seat to get something, get halfway to where I'm presumably going and find myself completely confused about the why's and the what's, then sit back down and bam! Jump back up again. 99% of the time I am clear after the bam! moment. The other 1% is truly worrying. Worrying like the time I lost my keys and found them in the fridge.
When you find your mind, can you ask it it's seen mine? lol!
I have a few of your posts now, and have learned more about writing than I would have in most paid courses. Cheers!
Help me