And it's PROBABLY A GOOD IDEA to make this opening line appear URGENT AS WELL!
Now for some professional looking nonsense designed to soothe the reader while the writer, NoNamesLeftToUse The Writer/Artist Himself introduces himself in third person, then goes on to talk about what he thinks you need to be interested in today, but doesn't actually say much.
Now back to more of this!
Have you heard about the LATEST THING?
The LATEST THING happened again, People, so today I'd like to tell you all about it like I usually do. There are no better sources and you heard it here first so before I even tell you what the LATEST THING is, I'll need you to hit that 'LIKE' button, leave a COMMENT about whatever, and SHARE this all over social media any chance you get. Because if it wasn't for you, I can't be me, plus do the things I do for you at the same time, for us.
On to the LATEST THING
This just in: Credible sources told me something today and I thought it was interesting enough to spin into something else so you people would think I'm being original.
I know what you like to hear and how you like to hear it because I've been at this same damn desk for the past ten years making observations — studying you people — then trying to use that knowledge to my advantage in order to pull you along a little better; maybe actually make something of my life someday.
I've always wanted to be a news reporter.
It all started back when I was child.
Dad? Can I play Nintendo? "No! I'm watching the news! You're supposed to be in bed!"
So I thought if I could just get on the news somehow and brainwash my dad to go to sleep and let me play Nintendo, all my wildest dreams would come true.
However, the first time my dad saw me on the news, he was not as impressed as I thought he'd be:
Never borrowed me the car again.
So I wasn't able to drive to university to get a PhD in journalism, didn't find out what is drugs, and ended up twirling signs on the sidewalk for businesses that would hire me but for some stupid reason wouldn't allow me to go inside, even though I brought a doctor's note specifically stating I'm allergic to sweating.
I lost all my swag inside of that overgrown purple teddy bear suit with pink streamers and a yellow bowtie.
After three years of investing my money in lottery tickets and dealing with expensive rashes, I finally saved up enough cash needed to activate the preapproved credit card someone sent me in the mail as a surprise offer I'm not allowed to refuse because it said I can't.
Maxed it out on a wicked gaming laptop the first day. It's an 09 and still works; as you can see.
I spent two years practicing the keyboard, learning my way around.
After getting really good at WASD I decided it was time to grow this empire and become a journalist like some of my favorite Youtube stars and the person I always wanted to be.
It wasn't always this easy.
Even though I know what most of these buttons do, the life of a journalist isn't always all hookers and blow.
One day while doing my research using McDonald's Wi-Fi, trying to discover all on my own the shape of the world, I had an epiphany.
The World is Flat!
Within hours my video had 17k views and all the blog posts I wrote which were linked in the description so other people could do their research in case they didn't trust me the first time; those were getting hits from all over the globe.
By the next day, they shut me down.
All because of that stupid typo in the headline. It was supposed to say, "The World is Fat!"
That defense didn't help me much though when it came time to appeal so I thought my career was over, especially after that massive group of people learned of my existence and tried to delete it.
I ended up spending the next three months sulking on Twitter every day before I decided to go back to my roots and work on those WASD keys again.
And if not for that steady stream of sad and depressing memes about sadness and depression on Facebook, I would have felt so alone, sad, and depressed.
But I'm not alone according to those memes!
Even though I led the charge attempting to boycott it in order to save humanity in front of my forty followers so they could see, I found myself back on Youtube trying to research how to get through to the next chapter of my new life I had set on expert:
This game is so hard.
But at least I found a way to get clean.
Luckily a suggested video popped up after I saw myself hitting rock bottom just to say, "Money," and it changed my life.
So here I am being a fulltime journalist again, like I always knew I should be, with ease. Don't even need viewers anymore as I can simply post on fifty different random platforms nobody really knows about and make money nobody really knows about in the form of crypto.
Genius.
Now for the news:
The world is ending and we're all going to die, except for me, and you folks, because we know better, since I said so, and you agree.
I'll be back tomorrow with more of the same. Stay tuned!
In the meantime, be sure to check out the LATEST THING:
Have a nice day.
Yes, all this pursuit of the material, a corrupt world with corrupt opinions and double standards, kills all the best in us, starting from childhood. We definitely need to change, for the sake of a bright future... But, before you and I start changing, could you pls hare links to these platforms?
I only know a couple of them...
Those able to read between the lines always fascinate me. You already found the links, man.
I need all of them, all fifty :) Let's play a game...
Hide one link in each post, the title of which will begin with the letter that matches the first letter of the day of the week on which the post was published. So I can figure out which posts to pay attention to
Oh. You like games. I can play games.
But not that game.
Wowza! then it's all within the CatTail of this post right? };)
Sure! Whatever that means.
Hahahaha, ouch! the always misunderstood of me. :D
Undeniable.
In this business we call that an indisputable fact.
I'm totally fact.
All fact up.
@nonameslefttouse In the last image I see a pig with a mustache.... :-)
This is telling you breakfast is almost ready but you must shave before you eat.
Hahaha!
Well, if you cannot become a journalist at least you tried. That's all that matters in life.
This world doesn't deserve you. You are a king, they just hating...cheers
Ya man. Haters gonna hate.
Still got my swag.
Thanks for collaring that up. I heard about it I just didn't be love it. Not I know.
I fixed it.
Now I'm totally confused.
Your typos. I fixed it.
L o L
You've really cleaned up the place.
I like the face on the latest thing
And everyone knows that you are stone cold right. The world is definitely FAT!
It's massive!
You only see one face?
I see the important one. King Moo and a couple of bit players loitering about looking antsy
How do you know that's the important one? Does it make you feel important?
It whispered so. In my my head. It told me lots of things and yes, one of those was that I, I am the important one.
There is work for me, much work. I must get going
Your your head might might be malmalmalfunctioning due to an over abundance of importance stance.
If you're working on a beer, be sure to wipe the can first. Cola companies are attempting to depopulate beer drinkers in order to corner the market on fizz.
I am working on a beer right now. Perhaps that is where my intellect has gone!!
Bloody Cola. ITs only good for cleaning coins and toilet pans!
Accurate
Oh shit! Wait... That's bad, right?
First non close look, as the picture came into view, happy dog with his pet cat. Yep that is what these tired, not quite awake eyes saw on first glance, even a tongue lolling out and maybe a bit of drool.
Second look, well I'm not sure I want to take one, I like my first visual impression, a second look may utterly change the image and it could end up looking like a bowl of spaghetti and jello mix.
Have you tried, The Third Look?
Unfortunately my third eye is blind, maybe if I cover the half blind eye I can see more.
Use the Fourth, Bashadow.
To many profiles, I even opened it big, I still like my dog and cat show, although I suppose it could be nothing more than a dog and pony show. I do like the Egyptian Anubis Dog soldier on the left slightly in line with the white female profile off center to the right. Still I prefer an image of a cat below her than a politician spewing his shit out of his mouth all over the place. Such are the advantages of seeing what we want to see. Like the white profile off center to the right...is it female in form...man in form...and why do I see it as a female? Who knows.
I was so hoping you'd show up today to look. This one is jammed.
Certain screens, when viewed off to the side at an angle, reveals even more. It's ridiculous.
Oh yeah always a lot in them. Like Trump, and the cow head, and who the hell knows what is really going on in the lower left hand corner.
Well, atleast we won't die!
Happy you shared that latest thing with us, although I think to reach more, you should have used more caps! I know... in journalism, you're always learning.
We're safe from the enemy of other things, for now.
About caps. You might be right. But if I bust a cap on everything, there will be nothing left.
Allan Illusion looks like he's hiding something.
P. S. Just wanted to clarify, that me clicking on your link and reading your news had nothing to do with the title.
Allan Illusion is not hiding the fact it's all an illusion.
P.S. I took a risk there. Not a lot of people enjoy blatant honesty these days.
Ohhh, his last name is Illusion, I get it now!
The truth is hard to accept, for all of those idiots who think differently than we do.
Yes! His last name.
Only smart people are smart enough to think this smart.
Ohkay okay! Give it up for our journalist.
I like the fact that you decided to stop sulking and get back on your feet. Cool!.
My feet are the only thing that works most days.
And the rest of the body?
That's probably a story for another post.
Hey, your "Insanely important headline" snagged some good engagement, 100 comments on the post as of my writing this. And like none of it bot comments, but maybe one or two, and one of those is the POSH bot which I consider one of the good ones since it at least shows someone curated your content. That's pretty damn impressive considering all the autobot transformer optimus prime blind voting on this platform.
It's probably because I'm a professionally self-taught journalist.
I actually blame that headline for contributing to low views (lower than average, for me), plus it was the weekend.
And how some artificially inflate their comment numbers with token spam is kind of annoying. I've suggested in the past one comment continually updated keeping a running tally would suffice when it comes to those tokens. No dice. Now, people see a high number of comments and just expect to see token spam, so they don't click.
Now I just have to convince everyone else, see I told you so. The world Is FLAT! WHY didn't anyone else read this Post...
Saskatchewan is proof!
But the proof is in the pudding...
The proof of the pudding is in the eating.
News reporting is a great thing only when we have REAL journalism. Sounds like you have bee through a lot. You say you do not need viewers anymore. Sad. Do you need followers to comment anymore? Yeah, the world is messed up.
Fun fact: When one places several instances of the same content across several platforms, due to the fractured nature of the markets, it's nearly impossible for that content to go viral or spread.
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STOPThat's a whole Lotta nothing in this mofo
Posted using Dapplr
Nope. Nothing to see here!
Sorry bro it thats happen we all dies maybe we become a zombie. We gonna party in all the parts in this world and you are invited as a buffet because you the only one whos fresh meat. 😎😎😎
Only me? Yall gonna starve.
Hmmm maybe you right of maybe your wrong we died right so we dont have any more thinking or logic. Being alone in the world is worst than dying. You gonna be a food or you will join the club.
Hi. What are you talking about?
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I just dropped by to say I;m still Nothing and I like this. 👍
Nothing is best.
Reading old stuff of mine I see. This is one of my favorites. I miss doing this kind of stuff. Quite a lot actually. Had so much fun putting stuff like this together. And now I doubt it'll ever happen again. Just one of those things, I guess.
Nothing is fine.
Well "that doesn't even make any sense" Minion - Megamind
It's not logical.
I have some awesome content :D Well... I think it's awesome anyway and that makes me enjoy making it.
But yes. You're right. "Nothing is fine". I mean... being happy with being "nothing". And I am. So you're right again.
Stay you.
I will be back <3