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Let's start with (5) awkward silence and see how things go.

Psst! How long is this supposed to last? Can I take a lunch break?

You want to take a lunch break, during the middle of our extremely long and awkward lunch date?

May I at least go take a shit before I, accident?

Yes, accident-prevention shits are allowed. As long as you promise to come back.

Sorry I took so long. You would not believe what happened...

That's fine, thanks for coming back, and I don't care what happened so long as it wasn't related to (4) All of the above somehow