Writing a post today will be impossible. After giving it all much thought, I've finally come to terms with that fact. A post simply cannot happen today. I'm disappointed in myself but worse than that, I feel I've hurt your feelings, and that sucks.
Posts can be difficult to write.
Especially during times like these.
Awoken by the sounds of noise. That's how this all started.
Something was banging on my door.
Damn door bangers, I said, to nobody, because I was all alone. What is it this time?
Since it was already ten minutes past noon, I decided to get up and actually see what the hell might be going on.
While approaching the door I decided to stop because I wasn't sure if the sounds of noise were still banging. For some reason I thought being immobile would increase my sense of hearing plus make me more aware of the surroundings I was fearing. I had seen gazelles perform this maneuver on shows about nature so I thought this would be a good time to take what I had learned about my inner beast and apply this newfound wisdom to a real world scenario.
The sounds of noise were being silent. The gazelle was right and I felt safe for the first time since last night.
Must be a false alarm, I said, to nobody, because I was all alone — and that was the best news I had heard all day.
The decision was then made to head back to bed because I still felt dead. I had been up all night again attempting to write an impossible post I was beginning to dread.
That's awesome, I said, to nobody, because I was all alone and back in bed.
I'm sure at this point you've already figured out the damn sounds of noise were back banging on my door the instant I melted into that wonderful mattress I have on the floor but if you haven't, this is the part of the story where I tell you that's exactly what was in store.
Are you being serious right now, I yelled, to nobody, because I was all alone while becoming frustrated with the world and all things at home.
The sounds of noise banged louder and louder as if the culprit was getting good at it and becoming prouder.
This time I threw the blankets as hard as I could. Got up and walked on the floor like I normally would.
The sounds of noise grew quiet. Then the sounds of noise banged some more as if I was at a riot! Should I go to the door and try it, I said, to nobody, because I was all alone and unsure if I should buy it.
More banging! Some pounding! The sound of noise was all around and surrounding everything that was me as I was frowning at this controversy I didn't want to be involved in, you see?
You have got to be clowning me, I said, to nobody, because I was all alone and getting ready to call 911 on my phone.
But instead of being a bitch, I got the itch.
It was now time to ditch the sounds of noise banging on my brains and treating them like toys.
The door has a window with no blind. I could see right through and thought answering should be timed for the sounds of noise were banging hard but there was nobody there to walk toward.
How could this be? Was it the wind I can't see? Have I sinned so deeply the demons have come to keep me?
Is anybody there, I yelled, to nobody, because I was all alone, standing on my floor, wondering what might be lurking next to my door and on the other side of this mysterious chore I feel must be completed before I'm defeated by something I simply cannot ignore!
"I'm here."
Said a tiny voice that sounded quite near and nothing like the sounds of noise that brought us all here.
So I thought I'd roll the dice and pretend to be nice. Whoever is at my door will not fool me thrice.
I opened the door and looked all around. Saw nobody, until I looked down. It was one of those little people I didn't even know we had in this town.
This was not strange at all in my mind, until I noticed he was shorter than his dog, and he was blind.
Before my brain could begin to process this, I noticed the dog lift his leg and begin to piss. I said nothing for nothing could be said until this little man asked:
"Can you spare a roll of toilet paper?"
Sure thing, little dude, I said to the man so I didn't seem rude. I'll be back in a flash.
I dashed to my stash to retrieve a roll of this glorious paper that's now worth more than cash as he stood there waiting; then I heard a crash!
Followed the sounds of noise until I was led to a dog licking and chewing on some of my trash.
I stayed calm, asked the man to hold out his palm, placed the paper in his hand. Then he hopped on the back of his dog, as if that was all planned. I watched them gallop away. I could barely stand.
Did that just happen?
I said, to nobody, because I was all alone thinking that man and his dog just gave me the bone.
So needless to say and I hope you can understand, life has been a little too strange today and very far from being bland.
There will be no post today. It'll take some time before I can recover but I promise you, at some point, there will be another.
Have a nice day.
Lol, what you are going through is symptomatic of schizophrenia!
But maybe that too has been postponed.
😂
They put the answers inside the cracks on the floor so we can find them later.
One day I will ride away on a tiny dog with my toilet paper held aloft, streaming out behind me. It seems a fitting way to go
You can't make this shit up, man.
It's true. You literally can't
Might be having a few issues today. We'll see how it goes but, I think some folks may have taken this seriously.
There are always those who take things seriously. I like to be magnanimous and say DEATH TO YOU ALL!
That is probably the best way to handle any delicate situation.
Always 100% more death than the original death is how I think it
I fear Corona has caused me to hallucinate a post that doesn't exist but makes more sense than every news post I've read in weeks... I say Corona because it appears that beer has eaten every other form of ailment out there, therefore there's nothing else to blame.
This sounds rational and I might agree if was able to respond.
I've been meming too much to bother to comment.
Here, I'll give this to you later. It might help.
This reminded me of an adult version of something written by Dr. Suess. I hope that full-sized roll of toilet paper will last that little man a very long time.
The line "I'm here," made me think of the inner voice I have in times of difficulty. There is always some sort of internal resolve, or some sort of grounding I feel that reminds me I've got me. Sounds silly, but that voice is very important. Interesting that yours is a little blind man. I think of mine as a crone living in the library of my brain, so who am I to judge? :)
I was going for that Dr. Suess effect. Didn't want to lay it on too thick at the start though. Notice how it slowly turned into that? Yeah. Pure skill.
It wasn't my inner voice though. Neighbors sent their kid to ask for a roll, and my imagination later took over once I was laughing at a thought about what if that was a little person who rides a dog... Then I thought: There must be a way to ramble long enough to make that one thought an actual story. Viola!
I hope you don't have any other close neighbors - don't want word getting around: Go beg a roll off that house, he's got the good stuff - extra soft. He might look at you a little funny, like he's imagining you hopping on the back of your dog, but it's worth it.
I am still deciding if I have found what I'm looking for. But, the problem is I am not entirely sure what I am looking for. The only thing I know is I think I should look for something.
In anycase, there will be no comment today.
I shall respond later when I have found the answers. Good luck with your search for something.
When are we postponing this post until? Perhaps you can make an announcement about a meeting to discuss the formal announcement of a potential future post
"This post?" There was no post today. Today's post has been postponed. Things got a little crazy. I need to gather myself and my thoughts because they're everywhere right now. I can't work in these conditions. Maybe I'll take your advice though and make an announcement about a meeting to discuss a formal announcement of a potential future post. You obviously have experience with this kind of thing. I'd be an idiot if I didn't take your advice. I still need time to think though so once I do that, I'll get around to responding to you. Then we'll go from there.
I am, with sadness, in receipt of your notification of no post.
Accordingly, I regret to inform you that my comment has been backordered. You can expect it in 3-4 weeks.
Thank you for your understanding...
This is both good and bad. It's good because I look forward to that comment; bad because I can't tell you that until much later since I wasn't able to finish a post today and there's no way for me to send these words. Certainly wouldn't make much sense to visit your place just to tell you I can't be there, so I guess we all just need to be patient and I'm sure this awkward situation will pass.
Have a happy quarantine time! Don't be afraid, be fearless!
Take some rest, collect your thoughts and come back stronger! Your readers can wait.
Thanks for reading the headline!
LOL! seriously, it was too long for me to even scan it. But yeah, will read your upcoming posts for sure.
Why not read this one?
It was postponed, dear!
That's a good reason. I suppose it would be really strange if I expected people to read something that wasn't here. I do hope to have something tomorrow though. I'll make sure it's really long, just for you.
inspiration for the post did not come
Inspiration for the response has been lost.
Lol
That's okay, these are trying times, I'm sure everyone will understand why it might be too difficult to put out a post, a lot are probably in a similar situation XD
At least you got to help out a neighbour(?) while trying to figure out what you were going to write XD
Today's comment to your postponed post, has been postponed. Sorry.
I'll get back to you with a response in the future.