As a firm believer
of everything I read on the internet...
I knew it would only be wise: Put down the pitchfork and pick up some supplies before the day comes when everybody dies.
Three years here taught me one thing: If there's a hardfork, that shit's going to sting.
The crowds went wild for many months but rather than cheering they were tearing and causing many more to be fearing the impending doom, nearing.
We're all going to die!
Said one guy to the sky.
Then a frown rained down upon the already distraught town. Photographers, artists, bloggers from all around decided to run because they heard they would drown.
The only ones left were there for the theft, they said. Looters on their computers and a few lonely shooters...
But that's not what happened...
All we were given was a shiny new day.
Like sailing in to a new land where the people were happy and nothing was bland. Some folks decided to play in the sand and what they found was a life they could not understand.
How could it all happen so fast? Where is the evil shadow they promised would cast darkness from above and was expected to last?
I was told this was the end.
I was made to feel as if there would be no more best friend.
So I fortified my house, built a wall, and picked up my classic list of supplies to get me through the moment when everybody dies.
All of the more important things I thought I would need to prepare myself for a world that does nothing but bleed:
- Fourteen pallets of gourmet dog kibble.
- Forklift rental. (has not been returned yet)
- $647.45 worth of canned peaches. They were on sale.
- Four Bic lighters.
- Spaghetti. Lots of spaghetti.
- 700 lubricated condoms.
- A Barbie convertible.
- Bingo dabbers.
- Season Two of the Walking Dead. (research purposes)
- Four thousand sheets of paper, pens, envelopes and stamps. (so I could still blog in the event of a power outage)
- A short bus.
- A bucket.
- A mop.
- An illustrated book about birds.
- Turkey baster.
- Hair removal gel.
- Blank VHS tapes.
- A tarp.
- Handcuffs.
- Propane tank.
- 1978 Husqvarna 250
- Nail clippers.
- Nail polish.
- Nails.
- Dried apricots.
- Soy sauce.
- Pancake mix.
- Two dozen eggs that have yet to hatch.
- A side mirror for a 1986 Buick Regal
- Seat covers.
- Three cases of ketchup packets.
- OEM copy of Windows XP
- A 4-pack of triple 'A' batteries.
- Canola oil.
- Fortune cookies.
- Popsicle sticks.
- White glue.
- Glitter.
- A yo-yo.
- Oregano.
- Coffee filters.
- One small spatula.
- An 8-ball (1 gram shy, not sure what happened there)
I want my money back.
And that's the last time I'll ever listen to the doom chime.
Distracted by ravings, I ditched my life savings. A hard lesson learned.
I think I got burned.
I feel like I can be straight with you, so I will. I don't buy any of that nonsense. I can't. It almost struck me like a punch in the gut, the amount I could have posted with this little platform under my belt. Yet, I learned when I did thanks to an individual I know as a real friend, without ever meeting in person, and my life's not been the same. I feel intrinsically motivated not only to share, but to structure my narrative, so it has cohesion, desirability, and most of all, longevity -- I could wax endless -- but I give my voice an amphitheater, a place where I can project, no matter the listener, to better understand what I'm saying myself. Who cares what all the crying's about? As long as my keys are safe, I'm gonna keep on keepin' on. I'm not even the slightest bit bothered my friends don't see the vision just yet. They will, in due time, believe me. I can show you better than I can tell you.
When it happens though, this is what we're left with.
You have a fascinating way with words.
Much obliged. I'm doing my best not to ramble.
Unfiltered thoughts don't need to be purified. Ramble away! I do it all the time and haven't been placed in a home, yet.
Hmmm... you've got a couple of unnamed pieces of art in this post. I'm partial to the eyes and hands one. I'd call it something like Clutching Visions or maybe Sinking Beneath (if that's water).
They all have names. Some were released long ago. The 'doom' cover and Some Place Different are new and what I spent the most time producing for this post.
The drowning image is What Have I Become and the one with the eclipse is Just Kill Me Already. I can't remember what I named the one with the Fork Button.
lol, duct tape and windex is all you ever need
The two things I forgot....
i think you are right
Ah I knew I'd forgotten something for my shelter, the short bus! I always forget the fucking short bus!
Thanks for the reminder bro.
People often underestimate the short bus and I've been laughed out of a few prepper communities online. They just don't get it though! Once you wrap it in blank vhs tape and apply the nail polish, it should be obvious why everybody should get one.
You rock!
You paper!
Oh crap. I think I just lost...
No I lost .... rock beats paper...not...I'm having so much fun with you...
Good call on grabbing the 1978 Husqvarna 250. That's one hell of a bike!
You're right. I think I'll hold onto that one.
That last picture...damn it’s so...so fuckin awesome
As the world comes to an end I’d better have my handcuffs with me huh?
Fine piece mate
Gotta be prepared for anything when the end is near.
Thanks a lot!
Bwahaha! I like peaches!
That fits in perfectly here. 🤣🤣
Dam Martha- We got an disgruntled prepper survivalist talking ind Dr. Seuss riddles. I think there is a boring moral too. I better not offer him any of your spaghetti.
LOL! Not another boring story with a moral they said while snoring out a quarrel.
Expertly rhymed :O)
The conservative number of condoms was nicely offset by the glitter. A fine survival list!
I wasted one sleepless night stressing about how I forget to get a waffle iron, and it was all for nothing.
On a side note, they are incredibly useful for mysterious patterns on a shirt. Mysterious, lady attrcating patterns that is...
Without the waffle iron, how was I supposed to fill those condoms?
Without the waffle
Iron, how was I supposed
To fill those condoms?
- nonameslefttouse
I'm a bot. I detect haiku.
Now that is both a valid and a slightly disturbing point
They did this in 2000 too! Everything electrical was supposed to crash and we woke up too business as usual. It was so disappointing.
I have learnt much from that great truth bringer, the internet and I think I'm going to make a killing changing my chickens for flamingos. People will pay a premium for pink eggs.
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I was still in my teens when that Y2K stuff happened (didn't happen). I was at a house party and shut the main breaker off when the clock hit midnight, just to freak people out, and they did.
Good luck getting a dyed pink chicken egg yolk out of a flamingo...
I grew up on a farm. Can't fool me!
Haha! Well done! I wish I could have seen that.
Whaaat!? You saying the internet lies? 😭
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Oof that guy really did get stung by a hardfork O_O
Did I miss another apocalypse?
I can't even remember my thought process when I was making that dude.
And I think every day that passes is another day we've missed the apocalypse.
I read your first image "DOOM" as: do OM - and I have been chanting ever since.
Thanks.
You're welcome! Soon others will join in. Then you'll finally get to be a
cultgroup leader!A Yo-yo is a must, and the 8 ball - they always come shy of full amount it seems...
I like a good yo-yo because it's like a boomerang with a string attached; and I suck at throwing boomerangs. If I wanted to go look for something all day, I'd play golf.
...and they don't make 8 balls like they used to.
Pancake mix is perfect- you can make pancakes, cupcakes, bread, creepes, muffins, bisquits, thicken sauces, cakes, cookies, pancake muffins, and so much more.
Flour might work too.
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Remember that scene from Forrest Gump? With the shrimp?
You just did that! lol ;)
I forgot the syrup though...
Brilliant, just brilliant!
Like someone else mentioned, there was the end of the world for Y2K and people went nuts over it. Some, I believe, ended up eating oatmeal for breakfast for 17 years, and they are still charging their battery driven small appliances by riding a bicycle converted to generator.
Actually... that's not such a bad idea... you'd still have electricity in case of an EMP.
I wouldn't actually mind too much... having to eat canned peaches for a long time.
Always remember ducktape. Because it's already what holds the world together, and you can fix pretty much anything (other than stupidity) with it!
I wonder if an EMP could still destroy the smaller setups? Hmm...
Peaches are incredible, plus there's a source of sweet water as well. Some call it juice but we all know it's just flavored sugar water.
I can't recall ever seeing ducktape on a duck. That's my next project.
Somehow I believe you're referring to $steem lol
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Part truth, part fiction, a bit of art, and some exaggeration!
Thin line between reality and hallucination cheers!
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The life of an outsider with something to say is the only way I fly, glider. Whatever that means...