Strike! I've been having this issue (in my 3 year relationship) as well and thought a lot about it. Your approach to this matter seems to be liberating and I aswell approve of this! :)
Romantic relationships have only existed for such a short period in the history of mankind. The odds of having a monogamous relationship work out for all of your life are pretty low. Considering we're still humans driven by emotion. I'ts just our primal instincts messing it all up again and again...
Hey @balex, thank you for stopping bye. For some it might work out, but I think for far to many people it's just to big of a sacrifice they are making. We live the way we live due to conditioning... I am working hard on getting rid of all those conditionings.
Social conditioning is of all times. I find myself trying to fight it but see myself falling into the frame of it over and over again... Good luck on your journey to freedom because it's not an easy one!
i've wonder about this topic and for now my reply would be...
if you seek happiness and love outside of you, you are condamned to seek forever. a monogamous realtionship can be like monkhood. and society likes it becouse of the rules. so we were raised this way. now the situation is very different from when this rules were practical. our monkey mind is not satisfied anymore with food, a roof, a partner and children = safe haven. our earthly experience is meant to be full. everchanging. and the society of today (capitalism) is bombarding us with options. you could say that new experiences make you wiser, but there is a distinction of chasing the new and creating/choosing the real you. are you chasing the thrill of another shot, ready to sacrifice the you of the past just becouse you can't feel life anymore, or are you getting wiser and are you ready to shed the old skin?
you live a different live if you have a car compared to when you don't. a relationship is a whole new dimension. you can't be the same when you are in. if that's the case you are not getting the new experience.
monk or wanderer. the path is different the end the same.
i hope to see the rise of a new culture in the near future. the world of unlimited choices is waiting for the brave wanderers to tell their stories.
thank you for your toughts
@borenwilde, totally agree with the things you are saying! I think we are on this planet to make experiences in whatever shape, color or form.
And of course you can't directly compare the two... but the way I see it, I want to become more by being with a person, not less. Why can't the individual and the relationship coexist?
It's a very philosophical question that I am raising here. And it probably starts with the question what is a relationship in the first place, what's its purpose.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, I'll let them sink in a bit.
what is a relationship?
in my mind it's everything. the whole world. you are in relationship with everything becouse if not, there would be no you and the other (person or object). you would be not born, dead or enlightened (this i presume).
i think you can become more with a person, but not in a way the you of now predicts it should be, the unexpected things shape you. those are the gifts to be enjoyed. these shake you from your current state to another level.
the individual is in a relationship and this changes the individual. the individual per se does not exist. you choose the relationships (experiences) you want and those make you more. and more of you is a different you, maybe less of you like you were before. it gets really complicated.
you are thirsty and you need water to grow and when the well outside the castle is dry you go in search for another well. this will keep you alive, your mind won't wither. but no well outside the castle will quench your thirst. they will only help you grow.
i'm really enjoing thinking about these things man. thanks for the opportunity
Perhaps this is a personality thing, like choice of food or recreation. I for one want 1 woman for the rest of my life. I'm happy and content with that.
@timothydaniel of course it's choice as with everything in life. I just raised the question if there might be a better way of living a relationship than we are currently doing. Cause basically we are all just doing the same thing. Thanks for stopping bye.
I don't believe in Love. But I understood it all. And everyone is different. Love is Love and it is the same but different to everyone. And the Video... WOW
Hey @sergiomendes, I very much believe in love, but it's not a constant, it fluctuates like everything in life. So a bit more flexibility in all regards would come in handy.
Great post! Let me think about it longer... Guess I won't post my experiences and thoughts on this issue but this was a good inspiration for more thinking and a interesting conversation with my partner.
What really struck me about this article is that you asked yourself, "Am I forcing myself to change who I fundamentally am because of this social arrangement?" And for you, the answer was obviously "yes." However, I love this question because for some people, the answer would be "no"! So many times sexual monogamy is made to be a boogey-man for relationship woes, when in reality the problem is a particular person's incompatibility with monogamy as a relationship-style.
Sexual monogamy is great for some, and not for others. I'm interested in hearing more about whether you both plan to be socially monogamous as well (i.e. only have a serious emotional relationship with each other).
Very interesting topic, manogamy. I find myself in the same position, after almost 19 years of marriage, and I too wonder if divorce isn't feasible...then what? While societal acceptance of different solutions (i.e. "lifestyles") may be increasing, the rule of law limits our options pretty heavily. As married couples, our choice is divorce or...???? what?! Open relationship? Polygamy? Polyamory? Bigamy? I'm interested in debating and considering all these options..but how many don't end in criminal court? It's all very fascinating a subject for me, and I'm glad to have stumbled upon your post. Hope we can have a sharing of ideas on these topics here in this community.
@disarrangedjane happy to share more of my insights here or you can hit me up via steemit chat.
It's been a crazy, challenging and exciting journey since we embarked on this journey. We chosen to call it free relationship, it's so much more than just about sex but rather giving the individual the freedom to express one self.
Usually being confronted with too many limitations for too long usually doesn't go to well, yet in many of our relationships we do exactly that.
All the best to you and your partner, looking forward hearing from you.
How did I find this post... I posted a story of my own yesterday, with a "relationship" tag. From there, I started reading some stories that were in the new category.. another user had a couple of stories that interested me, so, checked their blog, and this story was reSteemed on their blog. I clicked on your post, which led me to your blog...and here we are. Kinda' down the rabbit hole. And I use the search feature for tags that interest me. I'm not sure how to navigate this site very well. I'm new. I'm looking forward to reading some more of your stories.
Strike! I've been having this issue (in my 3 year relationship) as well and thought a lot about it. Your approach to this matter seems to be liberating and I aswell approve of this! :)
Romantic relationships have only existed for such a short period in the history of mankind. The odds of having a monogamous relationship work out for all of your life are pretty low. Considering we're still humans driven by emotion. I'ts just our primal instincts messing it all up again and again...
Thanks for writing this piece of content!
Hey @balex, thank you for stopping bye. For some it might work out, but I think for far to many people it's just to big of a sacrifice they are making. We live the way we live due to conditioning... I am working hard on getting rid of all those conditionings.
Social conditioning is of all times. I find myself trying to fight it but see myself falling into the frame of it over and over again... Good luck on your journey to freedom because it's not an easy one!
@balex, thank you... of course it's not easy to rid your self of your conditioning. But now 5 years later I am slowly getting there :)
i've wonder about this topic and for now my reply would be...
if you seek happiness and love outside of you, you are condamned to seek forever. a monogamous realtionship can be like monkhood. and society likes it becouse of the rules. so we were raised this way. now the situation is very different from when this rules were practical. our monkey mind is not satisfied anymore with food, a roof, a partner and children = safe haven. our earthly experience is meant to be full. everchanging. and the society of today (capitalism) is bombarding us with options. you could say that new experiences make you wiser, but there is a distinction of chasing the new and creating/choosing the real you. are you chasing the thrill of another shot, ready to sacrifice the you of the past just becouse you can't feel life anymore, or are you getting wiser and are you ready to shed the old skin?
you live a different live if you have a car compared to when you don't. a relationship is a whole new dimension. you can't be the same when you are in. if that's the case you are not getting the new experience.
monk or wanderer. the path is different the end the same.
i hope to see the rise of a new culture in the near future. the world of unlimited choices is waiting for the brave wanderers to tell their stories.
thank you for your toughts
@borenwilde, totally agree with the things you are saying! I think we are on this planet to make experiences in whatever shape, color or form.
And of course you can't directly compare the two... but the way I see it, I want to become more by being with a person, not less. Why can't the individual and the relationship coexist?
It's a very philosophical question that I am raising here. And it probably starts with the question what is a relationship in the first place, what's its purpose.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, I'll let them sink in a bit.
what is a relationship?
in my mind it's everything. the whole world. you are in relationship with everything becouse if not, there would be no you and the other (person or object). you would be not born, dead or enlightened (this i presume).
i think you can become more with a person, but not in a way the you of now predicts it should be, the unexpected things shape you. those are the gifts to be enjoyed. these shake you from your current state to another level.
the individual is in a relationship and this changes the individual. the individual per se does not exist. you choose the relationships (experiences) you want and those make you more. and more of you is a different you, maybe less of you like you were before. it gets really complicated.
you are thirsty and you need water to grow and when the well outside the castle is dry you go in search for another well. this will keep you alive, your mind won't wither. but no well outside the castle will quench your thirst. they will only help you grow.
i'm really enjoing thinking about these things man. thanks for the opportunity
Perhaps this is a personality thing, like choice of food or recreation. I for one want 1 woman for the rest of my life. I'm happy and content with that.
@timothydaniel of course it's choice as with everything in life. I just raised the question if there might be a better way of living a relationship than we are currently doing. Cause basically we are all just doing the same thing. Thanks for stopping bye.
I don't believe in Love. But I understood it all. And everyone is different. Love is Love and it is the same but different to everyone. And the Video... WOW
Hey @sergiomendes, I very much believe in love, but it's not a constant, it fluctuates like everything in life. So a bit more flexibility in all regards would come in handy.
Great post! Let me think about it longer... Guess I won't post my experiences and thoughts on this issue but this was a good inspiration for more thinking and a interesting conversation with my partner.
Hey @pusteblume, that was the purpose of the post... share some thoughts and get poeple thinking.
Yes! Thank you again!
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What really struck me about this article is that you asked yourself, "Am I forcing myself to change who I fundamentally am because of this social arrangement?" And for you, the answer was obviously "yes." However, I love this question because for some people, the answer would be "no"! So many times sexual monogamy is made to be a boogey-man for relationship woes, when in reality the problem is a particular person's incompatibility with monogamy as a relationship-style.
Sexual monogamy is great for some, and not for others. I'm interested in hearing more about whether you both plan to be socially monogamous as well (i.e. only have a serious emotional relationship with each other).
Very interesting topic, manogamy. I find myself in the same position, after almost 19 years of marriage, and I too wonder if divorce isn't feasible...then what? While societal acceptance of different solutions (i.e. "lifestyles") may be increasing, the rule of law limits our options pretty heavily. As married couples, our choice is divorce or...???? what?! Open relationship? Polygamy? Polyamory? Bigamy? I'm interested in debating and considering all these options..but how many don't end in criminal court? It's all very fascinating a subject for me, and I'm glad to have stumbled upon your post. Hope we can have a sharing of ideas on these topics here in this community.
@disarrangedjane happy to share more of my insights here or you can hit me up via steemit chat.
It's been a crazy, challenging and exciting journey since we embarked on this journey. We chosen to call it free relationship, it's so much more than just about sex but rather giving the individual the freedom to express one self.
Usually being confronted with too many limitations for too long usually doesn't go to well, yet in many of our relationships we do exactly that.
All the best to you and your partner, looking forward hearing from you.
Ps: how did you find this post?
How did I find this post... I posted a story of my own yesterday, with a "relationship" tag. From there, I started reading some stories that were in the new category.. another user had a couple of stories that interested me, so, checked their blog, and this story was reSteemed on their blog. I clicked on your post, which led me to your blog...and here we are. Kinda' down the rabbit hole. And I use the search feature for tags that interest me. I'm not sure how to navigate this site very well. I'm new. I'm looking forward to reading some more of your stories.