From Hermit Life to Social Butterfly #1 - Confessions of a Hermit

omega-not (55)in #life • 7 years ago

Hello Steemit Friends!

Since the day I first joined Steemit, I have been having a lot of fun making posts about all of my drawings, random projects, and weirdness, despite being a little nervous about putting my life in the spotlight.

Right now, I am sitting in Barnes and Noble drinking a small black coffee and taking selfies of myself in public. (I'm still trying to get used to taking pictures of myself with people around.)

Lately, I have been having SO many ideas and projects flooding my mind and I wanted to share them all with you! I'm super excited. Sometimes when I'm alone at home, if an exciting idea comes to mind, I gasp and jump to my feet to start walking around my house, like one of those scientists you see in movies. When I'm in public, I work on keeping my composure which typically consists of me laughing to myself like a creep. (I try to pretend like I'm coughing so I can hide my smile with my hand/arm.)

Alright! So, if you haven't already guessed, I'm a weird introverted person, but when I'm excited about something, I become bubbly. It doesn't take long for me to become embarrassed enough to crawl back into my shell, which happens often when I'm writing posts for Steemit. I tend to make excuses about why I shouldn't post:

"My content isn't good enough."

"My camera still takes fuzzy pictures, sometimes."

"I'm socially awkward."

It's a war zone in my mind. Eventually, I convince myself to post again and I am grateful when I do, because then I get to engage in conversations with all of you and make new Steemit friends!

About my Hermit Life:

I don't look like a hermit, but sometimes, I sure do act like one. It is a little embarrassing to say (what isn't embarrassing for me?), but when I was younger, I spent most of my time in a closet. I wasn't forced to be in a closet. Rather, I chose to sleep, eat, and live in my closet because I wanted my own personal space, being that, I was the only girl living with my brother and my dad. At that time, we lived on the second floor in a house that had only one bedroom.

I was a strange child, especially since I wasn't really taught manners and did not have much interaction with people; I had little to no sense about what was and wasn't proper to do in public. It may have been okay when I was a child, but this also carried into my preteen and teenage years.

I stared at people, observing their clothing to the smallest detail, texture, color, and style. I listened in on their conversations, watched them speak, and took note of their little quirks. I made no facial expressions other than my effortless blank stare.

(Left to right: my brother, my cousin, and me.)

At the store, when I was about six or seven, people often looked down at me and smiled. I would blankly stare back as I walked past with my arms crossed, and turning to my dad, I would ask, "Why are people smiling at me?"

To this, he would reply, "Because you're cute."

"Tch, no."

Unfortunately, the only times I was taught how to interact with people was when I was mocked. I remember one day answering the phone, "What do you want?"

When my brother heard this, he laughed and said, "Sabrina, normal people say 'Hello' when they answer the phone."

I said 'Hello' from then on.

Where am I going with all of this? Well, it's my short explanation about why I'm on the weird side and why I'm sometimes too shy to post on Steemit, but also, because I wanted to share how it all changed.

I'm still an introvert; I "recharge" when I spend time alone. However, about seven years ago I was invited to do bible studies and go to church. I said no, at first, but eventually I went and decided to become a Christian. My first time attending a church service with about 120 people was like having culture shock, except, in my case, it was more like social shock. I didn't know what to do with myself, so, you know what I did? I sat myself down somewhere away from the crowd, and wrote in a journal. Everyone is walking around and talking, and there I was, writing and trying to drown out my surroundings.

It took a while, but now, seven years later, I am doing much better with holding conversations. I attend many social gathereings: Halloween parties, dance parties (I am still awkward here since I don't know how to dance. I just try to blend in with the wall), hangouts with friends (I have friends now), weddings, church services (I don't hide in the bathroom anymore), and I'm living in reality (I don't spend the day travelling to places in my head). As you can see in my blog, I don't sit in the dark in my closet anymore.

(This is a picture we took at a wedding.)

(There were about 1000 people at this conference)

(I'm at the top left holding a stick. I injured myself, so someone found a stick to help me walk.)

Future Projects:

There are tons of other awkward things I still do, but I am working on it! But now, onto the exciting projects!

First, of course, I would like to post more on Steemit, despite how anxious it makes me feel. Second, my goal is to work on being more comfortable talking to strangers and taking pictures in public. To do this, I will be interviewing strangers and taking pictures with them to make a post about it on Steemit. It will also expose me to different kinds of lifestyles and cultures (which I know very little about).

Third, I will continue to work on my drawing and panda comics, but, I am also planning on adding a Steemit Scrapbook for each year! I had a lot of fun making scrapbook page for my lovely friend Sylvie, so I wanted to start making a scrapbook page for each post I make on Steemit. Especially my crazy posts.

I know this post was kind of long, but I wanted to be honest and open about where I'm at in life because that's how we can become Steemit friends! (At least, that's how I think we can be friends.)

ʕ •ᴥ•ʔThanks for joining me!ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ

~Sabrina~

#hermit #christianity #story #change