Good insight on your part. Checklists are especially helpful in these situations. I would also add that you can get a lot out of mindfulness training. Traditionally it's mindfulness meditation, while clinically it's offered as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and DIalectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT).
The basic idea is that in times like these where emotions are flying off the handle, it's useful to first ground yourself by focusing on biofeedback, like your breathing or listening to your heart or being hyper aware of any sensation that occurs to you to focus on. Then you think about the emotions that you are facing. Focus on them from af third person perspective. You feel X. Observe this feeling. Think about what it means to feel X. Watch X come and drift away like every other feeling you've ever experienced and await the next feeling that will come after X is gone.
It's really amazing how much self control you can gain from mindfulness training like that.