All I find myself thinking is two things. The first and probably the most important is don't be too hard on yourself. Be good to yourself. I mean really good. Hug and praise the woman that you are and laugh off the woman you think you should be.
The second is ... okay here it comes .. another self help book ... forgive me if you heard it before. But I found a lot of healing from the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.
But really what I want to say is that I am sending you as much positivity and care as is possible at a distance.
You are already good and strong ... just know it:):):)