What a great and funny story! I loved it. We had a similar experience with an ancient double oven like this. The control panel died and we went a different route to remedy the situation. It included removing cabinets, rebuilding some, and getting a newer modern range. I must say I would have preferred your outcome much more. I look forward to more stories from "Useless Man" - sounds like a weird super-hero.
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Thank you, I am glad you enjoyed it.