My day started by being called out on the quality of my posts. The value of my ideas. A fraud.
The thing is, I do believe in the quality of my posts but I also have doubts. Are they really good enough?
Now all this snowballed into more and more self-questions. Let me ask you this:
Do you feel like a fraud?
Do you feel like you don't deserve what you got?
Does it gets to you and undermines your confidence?
Because, it seems, I DO!.
Hear me out. I dreamed of having a trending post since I joined Steemit almost a year ago.
I've imagined it's a confirmation of my value for Steemit and my writing skill. Making trending could be my "Oscar" on Steemit.
I did come close with a few posts but never quite there.
Then, a couple of days, it happened! My post about the EOS ico was #2 and people seemed to really like it and got a lot out of it. This was reward in itself [ but thanks for the upvotes!!]. I received congratulation messages from a few friends. They liked it too!
But upon further introspection, I realized I was not as happy as I thought I'll be!. In fact,I was anxious. I was awaiting that comment:
"THIS SUCKS! WHO UPVOTES THIS SHIT?!"
I was waiting for people to expose me for my amateurism and to be called out on...what, exactly?
This got me thinking. I started to ask around and talk to people about it and I made two very important discoveries:
It's a very common felling.
A lot of my successful friends said they feel a lot like they don't deserve their positions, money, recognition from peers.
I have this friend who's gonna be featured in a list of most accomplished writers under 40 in my country and yet, he looks at the list and wonders: WHY am I there?!
I tell him he's crazy and he admits but he can't just shake the feeling...It has a name!
Yeap, because it is really that common that it has its own name: The Impostor Syndrome
There are many definitions and ways to explain this insidious feeling. I say insidious because it's very hard to beat and almost impossible to organically kill. It's not like...someone will tell me that my posts are great and I will be like: Ok, cool, I'm cured now!!
So anyway back to the definition:
Impostor syndrome (also known as impostor phenomenon or fraud syndrome or the imposter experience) is a concept describing high-achieving individuals who are marked by an inability to internalize their accomplishments and a persistent fear of being exposed as a "fraud".
Damn, this definition hits home :)
Everyone might have some experience with this unless you have some ungodly confidence or you are a psychopath or maybe you worked really really really hard to get where you are. I am not sure which one would help the most. The thing is, it's usually more prevalent in people who you'd least expect it ( also more women than men experience it, go figure!).
There's even a [quiz] you can take in order to see how affected you are by this. I encourage you to spend 5 minutes and see what you get.
Constantly. Every day. Every post.
Steemit. Poker. Writing.....
Are you sure you wanted toupvote this?!
I mean it's easy to fall in the doubt-trap. It's very hard to get out of though. My results were a very expected:
So what's the CURE?
For me, it's clear that once again, that I need to find it within myself. Still, I have to admit, that external praise helps as well. It help to have someone to encourage you but if you can't believe them, then it's useless, right?
I try to remember that I'm always trying one thing: Do my best, write the best posts I can right now!
I might look back in 2 3 years on this and -hopefully - realize I could have written a better post given all my experiences and skill. Who knows? Will that diminish my effort now, today?
I think not.
Also I want to try and be kind to myself. Be kind to effort. Remind myself that I do not suck - maybe as bad as I think I do. In a word: Be kind. [ ok, that's two! ].
I can never please everyone.
I can never be as good as I want to be.
But I can respect the process, always strive to deliver and look for way to be better.
That should be enough. And if sometimes I'll feel like an Impostor...then that's the price :)
Till next time,
r
I admire your courage in posting this. I've felt this for years with my career in IT security. I work with and meet a lot of smart folks in my field. So I always feel like the dumbest guy in the room. But I try to remind myself of the years of self study and grind that I put in to get where I am. I guess that impostor syndrome can be a healthy fear if it keeps you striving for improvement, regardless of what anyone else thinks. Just one opinion here, but i think you're doing good, well intentioned work.
I'm like trying to build up my career in IT security , and i kinda feel like the same too. My friends think I'm good it , but only i know I'm as dumb as they are and I'm just more good at googling . I'm gonna take CEH exam. I hope that can help me start my career somehow .
I mean, if you are the smartest in the room that's not great either :D
Being a college student that in just a few short years will be in charge of a classroom full of students I feel this all the time.i never feel like I am totally prepared. However, I think we tend to look at people in similar positions and think that they have everything together, when in reality they feel many of the same things that we do ourselves!
Congrats on this. I think teaching of any kind is a super experience.
Maybe that's the ultimate fix: enjoy the process and know there's always more to learn.
Thanks for stopping by, how did you find steemit?!
I think you may be right on the ultimate fix part. I found out about steemit through my friend @zacharius! He's recently become interested in cryptocurrency and came across it, then told me to check it out!
We all feel like that!!!
You can try taking these posts and post them on medium on somewhere else. Try to sell them on a crypto magazine or something. If they get accepted with the same merit and rewards then the impostor syndrome is real. You have a scientifically falsifiable way to check the real worth of your work.
If not, then you have to accept the reality that Steemit is first and foremost a gift economy. It rewards primarily social connections. Article quality is secondary. Not to say that good content is not rewarded but it is rather the exception rather than the rule.
You can even check that from the comments. Most of them are irrelevant or superficial or just blatant praising in hope for a little attention. Articles that are worthy get real engagement. Again, another factual standard of measure.
As I said, it's not about external praise.
And I actually like a lot of the comments, you can separate the genuine ones from the trollish ones.
You are avoiding the points I made in relationship with your Krnenial assumptions about your post's value. Impostor syndrome applies when you are worth it. You can test that pretty easy
I first read about imposter syndrome a couple of years ago and was so relieved. In my day to day job I have always felt like this and it was good to know it was a thing!
:) but why, my man?!?! WHY! You're awesome
Man, it is like you read my diary ;) Good work as always!!
haha. DEVIE!!!
Robert Allen once said anything worth doing is worth doing poorly. In other words if you what until you can do it perfectly you will never do it. It's better to do something than to do nothing. Most of the time you can adjust or fix things. I have found in playing music in front of people, usually they don't notice my mistake unless I react like I made one. It's good to do the best you can, but being human you will never be perfect and that's ok.
Soo...fake it till you make it?!?!
Wow, I find this post very valuable.
First off you are a good writer, secondly and most importantly to me you appear to be capable of being honest. This to me is far more valuable than being a "good writer". It is very common that people have fear, doubt and confidence issues. I had never heard of this "syndrome" before but doesn't matter what its called its real and affects many.
I my self have no problem with this anymore but used to live my life constantly terrified of what others thought of me. Its a scary and sad world.
What I can say is that it is possible to overcome this. This post seems like a good start to doing so!
Best Regards~*~
thank you! It's interesting..maybe it's a sign of caring too much what others think of me :P
yes.....that is a very common and very bad problem!
I can help u with that! =)>
good, this souds like a listening mind
you deserve your rewards and doubting about it just confirms that you know you haven't came up with all of your content. you are going thrugh life learning stuff and when you do anything, you feel that it's not all yours. you know you have not invented the wheel, but if you make a nice bicycle out of it is still yours and fresh.
good luck
This is life!!!
This is the first post of many I am gonna read of yours. Your fears of being a fraud are unfounded. That is the thing about writing, everyone has their own perspectives and truths, writing allows one to understand those perspectives and truths on how you experience it. If the reader is offended or has issue with it, that is their issue and should never be yours.
An impostor can't survive for to long ;)
Your proved yourself already...the minnows like myself can be impostors, but you, you already achieved another level
There is always doubt in oneself. It comes with success. Enjoy it! It will help you to strive to be better then the one from the past and present.
btw greetings to @foxxycat
what's foxxycat has to do with this?
Nothing, no stress. It was just beside to greet her :)
She mentioned that you brought her here.
got it :) well, more like sent her a link not 'brought' but yeah
Interesting writing razva, perfect reflection
Congratulations on your success ! You are doing Steemit and social media right. Good to have you on board and we look…
Thanks for sharing about this. Always interesting to learn more about what's going on on Steemit
Great post that resonated a lot with me, because I'm exactly the same. All comes down to not thinking you're good enough.
This is not a sob story and I'm not looking for any sympathy here, but as a child my Dad always told me I'd never amount to anything and everyone elses kids were so much better than us. Then it kicks in all by itself on auto pilot. You know the old story - If you're told something enough times you believe it, and so it did with me. I've gone through life thinking I was worthless, despite a University Degree and a good career.
Funny thing is, myself and my brothers have surpassed "everyone elses kids" in life. Ha !!
The stupid thing is, I know deep down that I'm good enough, but it never stops me from believing I'm not. Go figure that one out ! I can't shake that belief that was set in stone.
If you were really not an impostor, but actually a fake impostor, would that make you the real thing? You know, the old "double negative" concept. But that may lead to greater impostor feelings, because you can't even be a real impostor. I have to go lay down, I'm getting dizzy.
Am I the only one who was thinking of Iron man seeing this post?
Awesome post man, and a sentiment I have felt often in a number of area's in life.
This and the Dunning Kruger effect bear a lot of similarities I feel, so the good news is, that by doubting yourself, you are probably more likely to deserve the credit you receive.
A bit like the crazy people don't know they are crazy, I know I am crazy, therefore I am not crazy, isn't that crazy argument. :-)
The struggle is real! I'm not sure if I want to take that quiz.
I try to ask myself "is this post vale add" before I hit send. That's what makes me feel content on what I am providing.
This doesn't apply to fun type posts like memechallenges and stuff.
I'm glad I ain't the only one around here! Upvoted and resteemed! Cheers from a fellow impostor ;)
☂ ⓐⓒⓘⓓ ⓖⓞⓓ ⓒⓐⓣ™
People just need a reason to be haters keep em hating
Sounds akin to paranoia despite success - never heard of it before but it does make sense. I wonder also if there is an element of low self esteem? Believe in yourself @razvanelulmarin - you deserve your success!
Very gd. writing!upvoted and followed!
Nice post again and again. I appreciate your work. Thanks for sharing.
this quote from my teacher helped me a lot to deal with this syndrome: "mastery is a journey, not a destination" so just enjoy the ride
I know what you're saying, I can be a severe critic of myself. Best to ignore the thoughts of inadequacy and go get things done :D
Mate, before I even read this I thought about leaving you a comment about how happy it makes me feel to see you be rewarded well for your work. I love seeing you get these payouts. You deserve it. Anyone who's hating hasn't seen the blood, sweat and tears. You've paid your dues.
I can certainly relate to that fear of being found out as a fraud. There's something in every man that makes us question at times the validity of our work.
But anyone who's throwing stones deep down is just insecure and lacks an understanding of how to wage war against the negative thoughts of themselves in their own minds. The only way they know to elevate themselves is to try to cut others down.
Awesome post. Love your work. You're the real deal.
You always get what you feel you truly deserve. Good job, You manifested it all.
Good read, upvoted and followed!
Please continue :) In this world, there will ALWAYS be at least one who will in some unknown way benefit by you sharing your thoughts no matter your success! If you do not, I guarantee you at least one will not. Thank you for the post, I can tell you this one has benefited.
We all take our chances and value is subjective. One sure fire way of feeling better about any rewards or success would be to give something significant back. Your time, your rewards, your support. If we all spent a proportion of our rewards on investment into Steemians, other people or our ebmnvironment, we could all feel a little more secure, wholesome and relaxed about all the things we have received from Steem.
bitches be jelly :)
interesting post.
I'm no writer, I'm a computer FX monkey 🤓 but I see this site as a chance to give it a go.
Hopefully it wont keep me up at night, although writing my introduceyourself post is, so that might not be a good sign
In my experience, people that think they deserve recognition/respect/etc... do not.
Congratulations for confronting your feelings about failure and fraud. It's very obvious to me that you have good critical-thinking skills. Even the best artists and professionals suffer this feeling of not being good enough. We often forget that we are lifelong Learners comma we can only share the experiences and knowledge is that we have thus far. Every upvote and every positive comment seems to be an affirmation of my ability to write or to photograph or to create poetry. If I receive negative feedback I'm deflated for a bit and analyze what I have shared, usually I know if what I write sucks, and I will rewrite some more. Some comments are gendered by just plain jealous jealousy that you are succeeded and they have not yet so take it from the source. I have followed you and I will read the post in question when I get more time to read, but for now I just wanted to give some positive affirmation to your efforts. Congratulations for making it trending.
It's funny, because a lot of the descriptions of impostor syndrome, just sound like a fixed mindset.
If you haven't already, read Mindset, by Dr. Carol Dweck, I've mentioned her a few times recently. She basically reveals the difference between a growth and fixed mindset.
The two points of view, come down to the language used on an individual in childhood. So if you had your ability praised, you become fixed in that praise, scared of failure, always questioning, and therefore always trying to prove your worth.
If however you have had effort praised, then failure is a challenge to be welcomed, an opportunity to learn.
Of course it's not just in childhood these things affect us, quite simply, you need to focus on the effort you're putting into these articles. You know you are doing that, I and others can see that, and that is what matters. Your effort.
Keep growing, keep strong, as you say, always strive to deliver, and most importantly, focus on the process, not the event.
Oh, and read Mindset, it really is eye-opening :-)
Cg
AWESOME COMMENT.
I'm getting that book ASAP
I hope you do! :-D
It will change the way you look at things, it will also make you look back on some of your early childhood memories, and say; aha! I get it now!! :-)
Cg
WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT MY CHILDHOOD?!?!
:))
Lolz; only what you have written in the past, so very little. What I do know, is that everyone who reads this book ends up by saying at some point; aha! Now I get it!
:-)
Cryptogee
Good luck from a new impostor It make me happy.
Well ..I wish I feel this syndrome at some point :)).. I'm still a noob in steemit :)
there's something thta can be felt on a lot of other levels as well
Yap, i work in programming and I can say I felt it at some point, but now I don't feel it anymore.. Maybe I accepted it or I gathered enough experience to surpass that..
you got gut!