Hey you. Yes, you in that oversized, stained t-shirt.
Come here.
Closer...
CLOSER YOU WIMP! Come on, what's wrong with you...
There you go. Sit in that wooden chair in front of me. Focus. I see you have potential to live a fulfilling life. That's a no-no. We don't allow that around here. This is your intervention. You need to LEARN how to live a miserable life.
Now listen.
First Off, You Should Know That It Takes Time And Dedication To Achieve That
See, in this day and age it's super-difficult to fuck up your life. You need to start making bad decisions very early in life. In fact, it is said that it all starts with your parents. If they are miserable fucks, you have good chances to follow their path. Don't get your hopes up though. Modern life has made it too easy to survive.
Some people are natural at this. They take up drinking, drugs and/or gambling and they are set for (miserable) life! There are also the outlaws. They are a 80/20 coin toss. I wouldn't suggest going that route, because you may die young and that will minimize your years in this miserable reality.
For you, the average guy that was neither a success nor a failure early in life, we will focus on the slow, killing-you-from-the-inside stuff. Financial ruin, shitty health, god-awful relationships, outright garbage personality etc.
If for any reason you feel inspired by this post, you should immediately stop reading and go do something unproductive, like watching 3 seasons of FRIENDS on Netflix. Once you feel that all the joy and life-force has been drained out of you, feel free to come back and continue.
Let's crack on.
1. Fuck up your health
That's your bread and butter. Having a good health is the number one danger to having a good life. I mean seriously, you have to be careful with this stuff. A good night's sleep, a warm meal and a solid workout routine can SNAP you out of the impending depression!
So what should you do instead?
Eats LOTS AND LOTS of sugar. Minimize protein. Avoid fats. They tell you fats are bad for your heart. This is the control opposition talking. Healthy fats raise your testosterone and generally optimize your hormonal levels. We don't want that, ugh...
Avoid ALL physical exercise. Especially lifting heavy weights. You don't want a highly efficient body, that practically cuts in half all-cause mortality rates.
Oh and remember, looking good and feeling good is a sin. Fat people know what they're talking about, trust me.
Also, you should sleep 4-5 hours AT THE MOST! Ideally, you should fall asleep while you're looking at a screen and upon waking up, immediately start looking at your phone. That way your circadian rhythms have NO CHANCE to recoup.
2. Fill Your Life With Anxiety
That shouldn't be hard. You already have a predisposition to it. Humans are evolved to experience acute anxiety, like "oh look there's a 7 ft, 300 pounds gorilla trying to skullfuck me with his enormous, tree-like hands" anxiety. We used to either fight for our lives or be completely zoned out.
You should avoid that. What you want is the slow grind. Day in, day out the insufferable monotony and mild anxiety chips away your soul, leaving you in a state of discombobulation. I want you to return home each night and feel on the edge about the minute things that may happen in the future.
Anticipatory anxiety is our staple when it comes to mental instability.
a) Worry about things that haven't happened yet
b) Worry about things that are outside your power
c) Dive into the sea of negative, imaginery scenarios
Also, drink A LOT of coffee, but STAY STILL! Don't move and burn the excess energy! Let it build up and cause a mind adrenaline rush.
There are many techniques to assist you, but for the sake of keeping it short I suggest you stick to the basics.
3. Commit To Toxic And Unfulfilling Relationships
Do you feel dependent? Do you feel unwanted? Are you unsatisfied? Perhaps abused?
If so, keep doing what you're doing!
You don't have a spine anyway. Be a fucking doormat. Let people use you for their own personal gain. Stick with them and don't cut the off. Let the drain and fuck up any self-respect you have.
Trust me, after a while you will hate yourself more than you hate them.
What? Someone said something you don't agre with? You are thinking about standing up for what you believe?
ARE YOU CRAZY?
That might make you feel proud of yourself. GTFO with that positive attitude and antifragile mindset.
Being afraid of being alone is the recipe for having disastrous relationships. If you keep it up, you will grow old and you'll be unable to form real connections with people.
Plus, if you are yourself a narcissistic, arrogant fuck potentially you'll experience the same results! No, don't work on yourself, Jesus you are really that stupid?
4.Be A "Nice" Guy
This one goes hand in hand with #3.
You have to be one. Say "yes" to everything and everyone. Let your personality vanish. Fill yourself with the expectations of others.
That's very important ESPECIALLY in your relationship with women. Please, listen to their advice. They know what they're talking about. Follow everything they say and ignore what they actually do.
Do them favors, talk to them like they aren't human, but gods. Wear your pussy-hat and be a male feminist(have you noticed that all the sex predators in Hollywood were self-proclaimed feminists LMAO). That's what gets you respect. You don't want the male-female polarity. Your sexual strategy* is to put pussy on a pedestal.
That way, you dehumanize women a priori and you eliminate your chances to have an active, healty sex life.
And if you see any other man diverging from your paradigm, wear your shiny armor an be a white knight. Go forth, my sexually frustrated, skinny fat friend.
(*It is a strategy, don't get me wrong. You are not actually a "nice guy". You are nice only to the people you need something from)
5. Adopt A Victim Mentality
That's a big one.
Only your own subjective interpretation of reality matters.
Basically, you ignore the harsh realities of the world and you adhere to idealized versions of them. You live in a fantasy.
You are a victim. Keep that in mind. Everything that happens to you is NOT your fault. You are NEVER responsible for your life OR your choices.
And even if you do make bad choices, you can use solipsism to rationalize or outright blame third parties for influencing you.
"Oh no. It's not my fault. It's the economy, the evil [insert buzzword], my bad friends, my parents, him, her, you. It's never ME."
You should extend and project this mindset to the world. Whatever doesn't fit your victim narrative, frame it as a malevolent perpertrator/enabler.
You should feel entitled to everything. The world must provide you with everything, give you everything on a silver plate. Be a whiny kunt
6. Scarcity Mindset
The world has limited resources. Only the few can have it all. And obviously you are not one of them. You need to hustle and grind just to stay alive.
When you lose an opportunity, you should immediately assume it was your last one. If you fail once, you should get depressed and regard that ONE failure as a total disaster, where you earned no experience, tools and motivation to keep going.
Look at all those lucky people. Everything is perfect in their lives. The 1%.
In contrast, people with an abundance mindset handle their life differently. I will give you some examples as to what NOT to do:
a) Gets rejected? - "Fine. There are many more to come"
b) Fails? - "Awesome. That means statistically I am closer to achieving my goal"
c) Faces an obstacle? - "Another opportunity for growth!"
d) Things going well? - "I am feeling grateful"
e) Sees wealth and prosperity around him? - "I deserve EVERYTHING"
Sorry, had to take a break. Writing this made me feel somewhat good. Pheww, that was close.
Last, but not least:
6. Chase Happiness
Yes, that's should really do the job. Chasing an ideal. A perpetual state of mindless bliss, so everything LESS than that feels like hell.
You should shelter yourself from sacrifice and suffering, that way you'll never amount to anything great. Fleeting and shallow feeling of happiness should be the carrot in the mouth of a running rabbit.
Mindless consumption is the staple here. Just consume everything without regard for the aftermath. Food, sex, drugs. No purpose.
Oh yes! Did I forget to tell you? You should cease to live a meaningful, harsh life, with a distinct purpose, in exchange for the vain buzz of the dopamine.
What? Trying to amount to something that gives value to people other than yourself? Oh no!
WHAT YOU ARE DOING? YOU ARE RUINING EVERYTHING!
Don't be a fool! The hardships you are facing now and are making you miserable are transient and will transcend your consciousness. You will not stay miserable forever. IT'S A TRAP!
And that's it.
That's the:
"Miserable Manifesto"
Use it wiselY and spread the word.
And who knows? One day we might meet again in an online argument, where you are being passive agressive, making emotional attacks to other people just so you can justify the anger you feel for your dull, worthless existence. Cheers!
-Thatredbeardguy
P.S- STOP RIGHT THERE. Did you like this post? Did I cause you crippling depression? Good. Resteem, upvote and whatever else you have to do in order to bring more people here, so they can also experience the benefits of crippling depression!
More shit to read:
Resteemed by @resteembot! Good Luck!
Check @resteembot's introduction post or the other great posts I already resteemed.
Brother Grumpy your content is somehow bearable. I hate it a bit less than the content of most other plebs.
Thank you Brother Grouchy.
Man, I laughed so hard, I had to stop more than once :)))))! Brilliant!
Have my 0.00000001¢ upvote, lol!
P.S. I am curious. At 4., is that your pic?
Yes, though I've gained some weight since then. TFW you are a non-steem whale 😂😂😂
Your Post Has Been Featured on @Resteemable!
Feature any Steemit post using resteemit.com!
How It Works:
1. Take Any Steemit URL
2. Erase
https://3. Type
reGet Featured Instantly & Featured Posts are voted every 2.4hrs
Join the Curation Team Here | Vote Resteemable for Witness
This is super inspiring! I'm turned on just by reading this post! XD
Hey, whatever works for you haha
hahahahahahah Brilliant!!
Thank you!