All of us, at some point in our lives, have asked this question, albeit slightly varied according to the subjective. It does, however, always boil down to ‘perception of self’ and whether we feel valued and/or valuable. To some it becomes a burning obsession with which they struggle late into adulthood.
This question is usually accompanied by:
- An erratic perception of self
- Low self-worth and self-esteem
- Social anxiety
- Always questioning yourself and telling yourself that you can do or be better
Etc.
In essence we are stuck in abusive-relationships with ourselves and social media. The abuser maintains power through lies which we, the victims, listen to, believe and eventually internalize. These beliefs become engrained and eventually define how and what we think about ourselves. Nevertheless, we continue to maintain the idea that if we do 'x, y and z,' things will get better and our problems can be resolved.
I want you to imagine someone you truly admire for whatever reason. I am talking specifically about the people we place on pedestals. Our admiration is usually stained with a bit of envy. They might be intelligent, funny, good with the opposite-sex, etc.
I now want to propose the idea that we admire these people not because of our subconscious (or very subtle) envy over their admirable traits. Rather, we admire them because time they spend with us affirm the fact, again very subtly, that we are liked and equal in value to them. Someone we value, sometimes more than ourselves, values us, and that makes us feel good.
Now you need to realize that the inverse is also true. The question, “do people like me”, becomes irrelevant when in your presence and company people feel valued and appreciated. All the questions which plague our self-esteem fall away once we realize this.
I believe this is why many people say that you can fake confidence until that is what you become.
When you treat people respectfully and make them feel valued and appreciated, you are conveying the idea that you are of "high-value" (worthy of admiration/respect) and someone to be liked. Obviously social situations and relationships are a lot more complex than a mere Steemit post can convey. However, I truly believe in the latter and it has personally changed my life for the better.
So if I ask you the question, "How do you make people like you?", the answer is a simple response: "make them feel good about themselves".
image: abc.net.au
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