Why do we often let our sense of peace be so disturbed by others?
Why is it some people's words seem to push our buttons and affect us so powerfully that we seem to lose our emotional control & focus? What are the factors at root of such occurrences, and what lessons are there for us to learn within them?
Quite often, we can get triggered into these states of emotional disturbance when we feel disrespected. Yet, why has being respected by others been so important that we've been willing to give up our emotional stability when we don't get that respect we'd like? Sometimes, we slip and let go of our balance when we feel unfairly judged & criticized. Yet, why have we felt such a strong need to be accepted that we've given others power over us - letting their opinions determine whether we feel good or bad?
What has been going on within ourselves all those times our happiness has waxed & waned in proportion to the love & appreciation we've either received or been denied? What's the dynamic that's been at play, through which we've been pushed around like puppets by what other people do & say?
We all, as humans, want love, acceptance, and respect. Though not all of us may want to admit it to ourselves, there's part of us that wants validation & approval from the outside world. Yet, what faith have we had in ourselves in the moments we've let our sense of well-being be determined by the nature of others' feelings about us? What type of self-image have we been carrying around during those times our feelings have been under the influence of others' perceptions of who we are?
Few of us can rightfully claim being in complete control of our emotional state. We've all had more that a few incidences where others' words have sent us into emotional whirlwinds. We may not like to confess such vulnerability, though it's part of the human experience. We may not be comfortable facing the ways we've allowed ourselves to be so easily pushed around emotionally, yet it is these experiences that contain the seeds of opportunity to learn the most important lessons about who we are and how to become empowered by living aligned with truth & wisdom.
The real issue being addressed with these experiences is one of where we are looking to for our sense of security - outside, or inside? If we've allowed ourselves to become upset based on how much other people are loving, accepting, and respecting us, where have we been placing our sense of security - inside, or outside? And how has that been working out?
Though, what could we expect to happen as we choose to cultivate our internal security - choosing to foster the love, acceptance, and respect for ourselves that is the only real foundation of emotional well-being? After all, whose love is it more important we receive - others', or own our? Whose respect is it really most important to have - others', or our own? Whose acceptance is more valuable - others', or our own?
How accepting have we been of ourselves, if others' rejection has caused us to "lose our center?" What degree of respect have we had for ourselves, if we've allowed disrespect from others to affect us? What is the self-image we have of ourselves, if others' opinions of us matter so much?
Ultimately, the only reason we can become so emotionally disturbed in response to what others say about us is fear - fear that their judgements are right, confirming the painful truth of an unfavorable self-image we've constructed out of doubts and false beliefs about our worthiness. Somewhere along the way, we've neglected to foster the self-love, self-acceptance, and self-respect that go hand-in-hand with a healthy self-image. Few of us have learnt systematic methods for effectively building the truth & faith in ourselves that form the foundation for living a life conducive to the development of true, deep self-love, acceptance, and respect.
The faith needed to grow into the most capable beings we desire to become is not merely blind faith, but progressively built through the real-life experience of walking consciously step-by-step along the path of Truth. We all trip and fall along our journeys of growth - thrown off as we long for outer security while neglecting to nourish that which strengthens the inner. Yet, it is through continuing to get up and keep walking - each time pausing to absorb the lessons and committing to integrate their wisdom as we carry on - that the trust is built. The fear may always be with us, but it is because of the fear we have the ongoing opportunities to build our faith & trust - hence transforming our self-image from one based on ideas, to one consciously developed through results we've chosen and exercised the discipline to produce.
As we take these steps, it becomes easier to love ourselves. And as it becomes easier to love ourselves, it becomes easier to accept ourselves. And as we accept ourselves, it becomes easier to respect ourselves. And as we develop all three - who else's acceptance or respect do we need?
As we strengthen our integrity by living in Truth and cultivate our inner security, we gather and put together the building blocks for an empowering self-image characterized by a real, firm sense of self-esteem & worth. Once here, whose words still possess the power to affect our emotional balance? Once we've shifted all these underlying dynamics, what power does anything outside ourselves have over us - if none other than to affirm the progress we've made in our journey from wanting respect to radiating it, needing acceptance to living with it, and craving love to having an abundance to share with all - including those who we might have used to have the most difficult believing deserved it?
As we confess how out of control we can be at times, we create the opening for change. As we quit blaming others in any way for pushing our buttons, we can acknowledge they are OUR buttons and go to work on what they're there for to bring our attention to.
Every occurrence we lose our balance is an opportunity to gain it to a greater degree. Each experience we spin out is a chance to step forward on the path of mastery and can be a catalyst for gaining control of our only real security in life.
We might bump into large walls of pride as we're confronted with the truth of how easily we've let our moods be governed by the external world - though it is these truths that present us the choice to abandon our pride in exchange for the path of Truth that leads to absolute self-respect, should we continue walking it no matter what obstacles in the way. It may seem shameful at times to consider the mistakes we've made by giving others power over our emotional state, though there may be no greater opportunity than in the moments of such a realization for choosing of self-acceptance and self-love.
How might our lives change, should we make these choices and seize these opportunities?
What might we become capable of, should we embark upon this path? Where might we go on it, materializing the elements of an extraordinary, empowered life with each victorious step? And what influence might we have upon others, and the world, witnessing our profound transformation?
~ written June 2011
All this because we live in societies that exploit by all means the idea of being accepted, of being equal, better and that encourage competition. And unfortunately we are social beings! We respond to certain imposed norms and make them our own as if it were a chip. We have to dress in a certain way, eat certain dishes, have a million friends, know certain things: if we don't, we are rejected! Human beings fear rejection! Even animals live in herds, herds, shoals. How do we downplay those comments or opinions of others? You have said it very well: loving me, respecting me, knowing me! Knowing what my potentialities are, my merits, what I deserve, what I need, what I want! If I don't know that, if I don't feel that, I will be thirsty for acceptance. And what about thirsty people? who can drink or settle for dirty water. Excellent text! Thank you for sharing!
To love they say have a price,our faith,fear and buttons are trigger when we fall in love.we are optimistic that the relationship will work,we are afraid if somethings will go wrong and also our principles atimes are abolish or destroy cause our button has been pressed i.e try to let d other feel impress or confident around us. thanks for sharing
The fear of other peoples judgements being right has ruined too many lives and stopped them from fulfilling their potential and being happy.
Self love and acceptance should be the first lesson any parent teaches their children. The fallout of not loving oneself is too bad to imagine
I needed this post so much! Thanks for bringing it out of your archives.
Cool. Happy to hear the purpose was served. :-)
Sincerly loved the heading "Button, Love , Fear , Faith".....
Frankly did not understand how it is related with the content....if i sum up it is basically the expectation from other that let us loose our balance. We expect same what we give...
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