Wow, this is an incredibly vulnerable piece of writing. Thank you for sharing your experience here. I have not yet drunk ayahuasca but have had many challenging psychedelic experiences myself and can relate to how soul-shattering it can be to have your deepest fears and traumas exhumed from the darkest crevices of the mind. I hope that you will be able to integrate your experience after continuing to reflect on it.
Have you considered using MDMA to treat your newly-identified PTSD? I don't know whether you're put off by all psychoactive experiences right now, but MDMA can be extremely helpful for treating trauma.
Whatever you choose, be well. Looking forward to your future posts and updates.
Thank you for your kind words. Yes, I've considered MDMA. Right now there is a fentanyl epidemic and I don't really trust anything out there. I'll have to wait until I can get it from a chemist friend or a client that's a doctor.
Yeah, fentanyl is a huge problem. There's always the dark net if you're looking for pure MDMA sooner rather than later. Either way, I wish you the best in integrating your difficult experience.