Every day you wake up, and you consider what you are doing for the day.
You think of the simple things in life, such as what you are going to wear for the day or what you are doing this evening.
Have you ever considered.....
When you wake up......
That someone drops a bag of bricks on you, and you haven't even gained full conscientiousness yet. You are in a horizontal position, your eyes still blurry. Everything that has transpired in the last week, including everything approaching in the upcoming week is hitting you all at once, the emotion, the anxiousness, the disappointment, and every possible thought that passed your mind is coming too you. All upon opening your eyes, does it feel overwhelming?
Well this is what I feel the last 3 months.
I have been diagnosed with a hereditary skin disease called hidradenitis suppurativa.
This means that I am not contagious to others, and that this cannot effect anyone but myself. Being called or categorized as a disease, means that this will never go away.
Just as my Under Active Thyroid, or hypothyroidism.
Please let me describe to you, I am 5'1" tall and 108lbs. I took it upon myself to lose 38lbs, after my son turned 2. This was because i knew that my health challenges, couldn't effect my sons. I needed to take care of myself, for me and my son. I don't really stray to far off the beating path, if you were to compare my life to the average normal Canadian.
So i have this skin disease, and they "the dermatologist" states that we cannot rid myself of this, however we can take measures to avoid its return. He prescribed me two medications that completely destroyed my body. They have not aided in any way, in all honesty I wish I could go back 3 months in my life and never feel this way again.
I haven't gone to the bathroom (#2) normally in over 3 months, as a matter of fact. When this all started I had thought that I had a stomach flu for 10 days, until I admitted myself to the ER. Keep in mind, this is Canadian health care and I should feel confident of their services. WRONG again, they almost killed me.
I ended up with a condition called Clostridium Difficile (C. Diff), caused by my dermatologist prescribing me the wrong medications.
I am now trying to rebuild every single good gut bacteria that I obtains in 31 years of life so far. I cannot eat normal foods, I cannot enjoy going out for a dinner date, I am honestly scared to eat even the smallest of things. Items that appear normal to you, i'm just trying to rediscover if my body can handle it.
This is the best part, i am now seeking a doctors advise as suggestion. At this point my entire mental health is on the line, as i do not even like looking at myself in the mirror. I obtain zero ambition, and my entire family surrounding has had to endure what i have experienced. My relationship has suffered, and at this point appears irreparable. I cry every day, and honestly i know that my physical appearance has nothing to do with it.
It is difficult to wake up each morning; knowing that i did not cause this to myself, i shouldn't be dealing with any of this turmoil, and that honestly my life was pretty much what i considered perfect prior to all of these events. I am now experiencing large amounts of anxiety, depression, and have an appointment as i said earlier to speak with my doctor tomorrow. I have not worked in 3 months, and have zero ambition for anything at this point.
My point in this story, you may be having a good day or a bad day. Please remember to smile at those around you, because you just might make their day with the one smile they get that day.
Every day can seem so challenging, but at this point in my life everything hits me the moment i wake up. feeling that you are alone, or that you have little support around you can make or break your situation. If someone is trying to discuss something with you, please listen. Do not ask them to stop talking, or to not talk as much. Because you might be the only person that will listen, before that person feels completely alone.
Love those who you say you do, and appreciate what they are willing to give you.
No one should wake up each day, hoping that they can find a way to turn off their thoughts and emotions.
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