I started a new job a month ago. It's kinda interesting and fun at the moment but it's a challenge for my body. It's mostly young people but I like it. I don't sit still like I usually do at work and I can decide my own working hours, like if I want to start late or early, which department and so on. I'm feeling so free.
But I feel like I'm kinda in a prison as well because the humans are so square in their thinking and overwork themselves and work fast. I feel bad for them because they don't know what they are doing to their bodies and mind. My mind is not growing here but my body sort of feel at peace but I'm still feeling like an itch running through my body and I want my freedom again but I still don't like the freedom because I get so easily bored. I want the itch to go away but I wonder if it will ever disappear from my body.
I'll mask myself still in their company, still feeling like I can't be myself and easily fall in old tracks but I have a feeling that I'm changing the energy, stirring around in the pot, and make changes and make the youngsters think in longer terms about themselves instead of following the way the company thinks. The company thinks that you should be productive every minute and that has instructed you to believe that you cost 5 SEK every minute and that you should hurry in everything you do. Some of them have even hurt themselves thinking like this and they can't carry anything.
I feel bad for them and at the same time that they are stupid for following these thoughts. But I've been there as well and what that has given me is a body that can't handle stress very well or criticism at all. I also know that my family situation has a finger in the game as well. I wish more people would realize that they are controlled by the state and try to free themselves but it's hard. Trust me, I know. I've been there
I also wish to be more like myself and don't feel the need to hide to be accepted by others. Feeling a pressure to have it up every day but at the same time, I don't feel like I've to as well. But it's hard leaving it at home and I'm afraid that they will see my scared self and all my experience in many categories. I'm scared but I don't want to hide, hide the fact that I know what they are doing to themselves and that the company is forcing them to overwork themselves and all.
I only want to be free, free from all the chains that keep me strained to the ground because so many humans are living in a reality that does not exist...
Love,
