I had an episode last night, which wasn't that fun at all. I haven't had one of these in some time so it was hard on me. My PTSD was calmer than usual which was a relief. I was just crying while words, pictures, and emotions just kept running inside of me. I just laid there in the bed crying feeling bad, sad and anxious.
I know why it was coming. The thing is that I just have about 1 month left on my work contract and I've been trying to extend that by sending in my personal letter because the company has a place open and need people. I'm nervous if I'm going to get the job and that is what triggered my PTSD last night. It's hard having these stuff from the life I have left but it always there reminding me. Last night, the last words my mother said to me before I run away was thrown at me at full force and I couldn't stop it. It was just there. Flying in my head, throwing me off guard. I think I did this for maybe 30minutes.
Honestly, I really dislike this when it happens. Sure, it doesn't happen as often like before but it's always there lingering in my head, reminding me of the time before I run away from home. Before I didn't want to talk about it or liked to think about it. But it was there. It wasn't when II notice that I was harming those around me that I wanted to get help. I still suffer from it, sometimes I can handle it and sometimes I can't, like yesterday. PTSD is not fun and I don't wish that to anybody.
Thank you for reading.
Love,
Safine
Hi and welcome back to a very quiet Steem! Did you ever start yet with body and mindwork for yourself?
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Hi there again and thank you :),
I've been quiet as well for some time as well so I wouldn't know about that.
Yes, I have and discovered a lot about myself and been trying to ease it as it comes and goes as it pleases. It takes time. I've improved a lot. 1 - 1,5 year ago I was really aggressive about this which I'm not very proud of.
It's great that your relearning and healing journey began already! Time to break those repetitive mind patterns that keep trying to drag the you back into the pain of the past 😀
Did you come across my favourite, Ekhart Tolle?
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Yeah, it feels good but at the same time, it's hard when you are so used to be in that part. As long I do progress in this I feel at peace :).
No sorry, I've never heard of him. I looked him up when you wrote his name just so I know. I'm a little skeptical about him because the family I left used the New Age stuff against me, blackmailing and wishing bad stuff to happen to me, etc. It makes me a little scared :(
Just go get hypnotized a few times then and cheat :P that should rewire the memorys and thoughts to let you progress further! I call it cheating because is working much better. Theres also a therpapy style caleed "shaking therapy" Is got a better name for it but its slipped my mind atm.
You get hypnotised and go back through all the traumas but then you start to shake physically which relesases them from us, us humans are the only mammal that doesnt shake after we experience a trauma, we do the oppersite and we freeze up..
TLP I think it might be called, but i must got get a bus soon so I cant check, and bus time is my mediation time so no looking at phones hahahah
That sounds really scary but maybe it does work. I'm reading other stuff, meditate and learning more about myself and others who have been in the same position. Just learning you know :).
Sounds good to have meditation on the bus. I sort of do the same. I listen to calm music and just chill on the bus/tram ride :)
It all comes back to breathing :) Im sure your slowly realising it too! Meditation is medication, and its free and personal, more time doing that is less time the mind has your power :)
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