If you're like me- growing up without any guidance, life will unfold as something chaotic and incomprehensible. For some everything will be chaotic. They will not feel content with the way the world is.
Bad parents, bad schools
Lack of good parenthood leads to secludedness, shyness or aggressiveness. This often leads to being bullied. Being bullied leads to loss of concentration, anxiety and depression. Often, these kids - because of their inharmonious childhood (parents arguing, fighting etc) are dreamers. They have escaped into fantasy worlds. Either computer games, magazines, movies and so on. Sure, all kids do this, but there are always healthy and unhealthy was of doing things. Often these kids get addictions to escape reality. Some play online games, some do drugs, some do both, some drink, some get eating disorders.
Unfortunately life does not take a turn for the better after high school for these kids. They think they are free, but they are not. They are free from the bullies and the uninspired classroom, but now they face the chaotic world.
They have learned nothing from their parents, and nothing about how to deal with life. In school they were only taught about math, language and history, but not about how to act, deal with people, health, person economy and so on. They were not taught the basics of how to FUNCTION by neither their parents nor their teachers.
And unless you fall into the rabbit hole, like I did - but most don't, you are doomed. You will never realize how to end the abuse. You were abused your entire childhood, (at least psychologically by the lack of guidance and understanding), you were abused through school by the lack of learning and by being exposed to bullying and violence. Now as an adult you live your life the only way you know. You can't express feelings, you have poor control over your emotions, you have anxiety, perhaps panic attacks, bad self esteem, bad posture.
Man..it's just a mess to try and fix. And the older you get, the more this shit has a footing in you. I would suspect that over the age of 40, you are unrecoverable. You're miserable and you keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again (finding the wrong spouse, wrong job, wrong economical decisions)
And it's not like you or anyone else for that matter gets cured. Because, even when you get close to becoming a normal human being (most people are not normal by the way) you still have to deal with life. Someone gets sick, someone dies, you lose your job, your wife leaves you, you find a lump somewhere. It just never stops. You can't be cured from life. But with the right tools you can become a much stronger version of yourself.
Become stronger
And to become that you need mentors. You need to actively seek out people who have something to say, and then listen to them. When someone says; "I started doing this, and then my life got completely turned around" most people just dismiss that. They are not in the mental state of searching. But when you're on a mission to try things out that can improve your life, and you actually try out different things, you realize it works. You get building blocks. You become stronger. You learn to deal with more shit.
Perhaps tea and yoga is not for you. Maybe powerlifting is. Perhaps going full autistic on minimalism is not your thing, but how will you ever know if you never try?
That adventurous and childish and content outlook on life is something that way too many people lose. Either they lose it way too early because of terrible parents, or they lose it later because of the indoctrination camps known as schools. The place where every little sign of individualism and uniqueness is killed for good.
For me it started with economy. I needed mo money. And when I figured out how easy it was to KEEP my money ( Rich dad poor dad is always a good read) I needed to learn how to make that money become more money. But it's not just about money, it's about wellbeing and relationships. It's not like I'm perfect now. Far from it. But compared to that creature I used to be at 25, there's a big difference.
There is something to the slogan; "Listen to your elders", but I would add..Don't listen to just any elder. Listen to the ones that has figured shit out. :)
Where do you find mentors?
I realize that unless you are raised in a great family, it's not easy to find these people. At least it wasn't. In the pre-internet days, sons of rich people got introduced to their mentors at an early age. They still have real life mentors. But fortunately it's easier these days. Mentors are everywhere. Actually, they are inflated like Fiat Currency. There are many shitty mentors, many wanna be mentors - but also some good mentors. Often times a mentor can be someone who you just happen to identify with on some level, or someone you can look up to that gives you food for thought. Someone who is like the older brother you either never had, or a different brother from the one you did have - who taught you jack shit. Anyone that challenges you and blows your mind.
Let's say Gary Vaynerchuck could be someone I consider a mentor. But at the same time his world is so far away from mine. So I would be careful to watch too much from someone like Gary Vee or Grant Cardone. They both have good advice, but it doesn't always apply to your world, life or situation. So don't get hooked on it. Gary Vee show is so well made and there is so much content that you can spend your entire day just watching it. I advice you to do some actual work also..
A western orientated buddhist monk like Ajahn Sona could be someone worth listening to. But I'm not sure if becoming a monk who watches the trees sway from side to side for a year is the best way to live your life. At least not my life.
But their lessons are important. Just don't get obsessed with persons or lifestyles. At least not when you're in the searching phase trying to figure shit out. This phase can take years. For many people it can take their entire life..but that's just because they are searching without any goal.
The goal should be to find your true values and live by them. Find your principles and apply them. Find out what is good for you and do that.
Often weakness is the reason we struggle so much. We have become so weak because of all the abuse. And when the real world hits you and you do not follow the safe 9-5 regular path that you were designed to follow - you start panicking. Where the fuck am I? What is going on? Who are these enslaved morons that surrounds me. How do you deal with it all? You pack strength. Your real and valuable knowledge builds intellectual strength. Honesty and moral values build emotional strength. Physical exercise builds physical strength.
This is MY advice. Perhaps you believe in something else - than that strength is the key to a good life. I'm not the strongest person around, but as I get stronger I feel better. So I've found my path which is working for me. Take that advice, and continue your own search!
Dont pattern you life after dopes and losers
Sound advice
I've had mentors and have been a mentor, and yes, they are very valuable especially if they come to you (or you are available to them) at a time when it matters most. When you feel you or they are at the end of their rope.
Those that have mentored me, I have found their assistance and guidance invaluable, just as I have been told that my assistance and guidance has been invaluable. It's good to know you have people in your corner to keep you under their wing.
Sadly, society has devolved into a pool of "me me me all about me" and it's harder and harder to find a decent mentor, or to find someone to mentor.
I hope that trend doesn't last and the cycle breaks.
Mentors can alter lives. It's true.
I don't think that egoism is bad. But the problem the way I see it today, is people falling into a fantasy world. They have no tools to deal with the real world. Then what hapens is a big disparity between peoples skills and understanding and how the world actually works. They become like big children - narcisists who want "But I deserve this and that, others don't, buhuhu" the snowflake crybaby culture we are seeing that started with millennialls. Everyone want's to be successfull, but no one wants to do any god damn work.
@scandinavianlife , I agree with what you mention about finding mentors, guidance. And today with the intrnet adoption there are mentors everywere. We just need to be intelligent in choosing what will help us grow in the aspects we need to grow, learn and improve. Just upvoted this post. @gold84
Thanks for the comment @gold84 :)
@scandinavianlife you are welcome! Thabks for sharing your knowledge. @gold84
Nice post! There seem to be a lack of genuinely good mentors in society. But after you take action and leave the victim mentality behind, is it perhaps possible to be your own mentor, or are are we doomed to be our own worst enemy...
This is just what I was thinking. At a certain age, one has to deliberately grab their thoughts and realize that the finger they're pointing at the person(s) they blame for their problems, have three more pointing right back at them.
If necessary, pretend you have no past; especially, if it stirs the demons that keep you from moving forward in positive progression.
Let the people in your past serve to remind you of why you choose not to drink...do drugs...make lots of children with women who aren't your wife...on and on...
Be the mentor...the example you want the next generation to represent...Otherwise, your living might just be in vain, and a sad replica of the past.
Peace.
Thanks! Yup, today you can find mentors everywhere(Internet) and in that way become your own mentor. The problem is however all the false prophets. Those who promise and garantee too much. People often want to make more money, and instead of doing like Karate Kid and starting with wax on wax off, they want to go directly to the fighting. It's actually a very good message in Karate Kid :)
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I loved this read, thanks @scandinavianlife
I have a mentor, she is much older than me, along with much wiser. She has my best interests at heart,she always tells me the truth and sometimes its what I dont want to hear sometimes, but I listen and do my best to make the change, because I trust her and deep down know there is always room for improvement.
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