@flipstar thank you for sharing your story. It means a lot to me that you would reply to this post with such openness. I hope you are in a better place now and although it was hard for me in the beginning, time heals all wounds, however the memories never fade.
I self medicated afterwards pretty heavily to try and forget, but I regret that as I didn't properly connect with my other mates who were hurting too. Suicide touches many lives and I hope that this post raises awareness within this community at least. Thanks for reading and taking the time to respond.
I am doing much better but sometimes the blues hits me.
please dont get this wrong but in a strange way I am almost happy it happens. I came out stronger then I ever could have. I tried to medicate myself with the bottle and this didnt work and some pills(described by a doctor) which didnt help either.
I had still enough fight in me left to not accept that life has to be like this and started to experiment with meditation, reading self-help books, learning about productivity. Just starting to grow again if you know what I mean.
I am still not where I want to be and from time to time I still need to lick my wounds but I am on my path and my legs feel stronger every day.