Stunning life story. You have come to the only true and logical conclusions; you have to make a decision and you decided. Most people believe there is no decision, that there is just a status quo that will never change and they have to live by it or they won't have any quality of life. Which of course is utter non-sense. I'd rather die a quick and painless death for sticking to my principles and standing up for the freedom of everyone than to live a hundred years in slavery. They can break your bones but not your soul or your mind.
When I read your quote it reminds me of the millions of false Christians who claim to follow the teachings of Jesus Christ yet reject any form of resistance to the powers that be. To quote the immortal Martin Luther King Jr, a baptist minister no less:
He who accepts evil without protesting against it is really cooperating with it."