Two years ago, I read a strange book. The title (or concept) might sound frou-frou to you, but there’s an underlying principle that has a huge impact on your day-to-day life.
A Brief Summary of "The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up"
In her book, author Marie Kondo shares “the Japanese art of decluttering and organizing” to find harmony with your possessions. First, Kondo explains that you need to pick up and hold each item you own, down to the last sock. With this instruction, she explains how to go through your belongings by category in a specific order—clothing, books, paper, miscellaneous items, and mementos. (She breaks down each category a bit further, so they're more manageable.)The important underlying concept is that, with each item, you ask yourself, “Does this bring me joy?” Be honest about whether it really makes you happy, or if you’re just holding onto it for another reason (i.e. it was a gift, you might need it years from now, and so on). If you’re really trying to enjoy a more minimalistic, clutter- and frustration-free life, her explanations for those typical hang-ups are quite valuable.
For example, if your mom gives you a sweater you don’t like, you shouldn’t keep it just because it might hurt her feelings that you got rid of it. The item fulfilled its purpose when it was gifted. Your mother got the joy of giving you something, and you felt her love and thoughtfulness when you received it. As Kondo explains, now it’s time to thank the sweater and send it off into the world (donate, sell, give away, trash).
If you’re interested in a more in-depth summary, I recommend reading this review. Or, better yet, read the book itself! (Cost is less than $5 used) Even if you don’t plan on getting rid of a thing, you won’t be sorry.
The Concept I’ll Never Forget
While I absolutely do appreciate the cleansing benefits that came from getting rid of the “junk” that caused me stress and bogged down my home, I’ve noticed more lasting effects on my life. This concept of, “does it bring you joy?” extends into other areas of life. I’ll call this the “Joy Principle” from now on.Once I got the hang of asking it as I moved through the categories of my belongings, I started asking it elsewhere. Does this friendship bring me joy? Does my job bring me joy? Do my workouts bring me joy?
Quick Sidenote
Before I go on, I want to address the thought that might have popped into your mind just now... “Sure, you’re not going to enjoy EVERYTHING in life. Such a Millennial thing to say. Sometimes, you have to endure the less desirable things to get the things that bring you joy.” I completely agree with you. In fact, I recently wrote a post on how to avoid procrastination and instant gratification.
So anyway, I was asking this question in other areas of my life. It wasn’t intended to immediately end friendships, quit my job, or stop exercising. On the contrary. I really wanted to be more mindful about the “junk” I was carrying around elsewhere.
You Have a Finite Amount of Energy
You see, Kondo explains that every time you come across an item that doesn’t serve a purpose for you (or worse, causes you stress because it’s broken, frustrating to use, or in the way of something you really want, etc.), it chips away at that energy. Sometimes, even looking at something steals some of your energy.Consider that pile of bills and junk mail you’ve been rolling your eyes at each day. Or, where is that shirt you really want to wear? In the closet? No. Under this pile of clothes? No. Ugh, forget it, I’ll wear something else.
Energy Thieves Add Up
Before reading this book, I would have argued that the little moments that steal your energy are no big deal. So what if I have to search for a shirt? That happens sometimes. And what am I supposed to do about that pile of papers? I don’t have time for that. But the thing is... these moments really do add up. And they keep you from being your best self.
Every moment you spend irked, bothered, irritated, stressed, or some other positive-energy-stealing emotion—even the ones you’ve become so accustomed to they’re unconscious now—is a moment of happiness wasted. After a long day of robberies from thief after thief, your brain doesn’t have the positive, creative, intellectual energy to do the things you really want to do.
The More I Asked, The More “Junk” I Found
When I started asking, “Does this friendship bring me joy? Does my job bring me joy? Do my workouts bring me joy?” and so on, the game totally changed. I realized there were a LOT more energy thieves in my life than I realized: toxic, one-sided friendships; co-workers who were a terrible influence on me; and an unhealthy body image that was leading to excessive exercise.
The cleansing process was brutal. Pulling away from toxic friendships was met with a lot of resistance; getting on the right career path was a long, tedious process; and working on “me”....well, that one made me doubt just about everything I thought was right in the world.
Ultimately, it’s taken me two years to get my life to a “decluttered” point where each thing in it brings me joy (or I’m on the right path to get there). Despite the struggles, I’m so thankful to have read “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up” because it gave me a tool I can continue to use for the rest of my life.
How YOU Can Use the Joy Principle
The important thing to remember is that this isn’t a one-off kind of thing. Just because you get into a fight with your friend, doesn’t mean the whole friendship doesn’t bring you joy. I recommend following these 3 rules:- Initially, ask yourself if a relationship, event, or area of your life brings you joy. Take a mental (or physical) note of your answer.
- Take steps to remedy the situation. Sometimes all it takes is a conversation with a person to explain why you are feeling unhappy and considering possible solutions together. Maybe it’s a conversation with your boss about changing your work schedule to avoid traffic. Don’t expect things to change on their own; you need to take responsibility for your part.
- After a period (you decide what seems right based on the situation), ask yourself again if it brings you joy and reassess how you feel. If nothing has changed or you still feel like it’s a negative situation, it might be time to thank the friendship, job, event, etc. for serving its purpose in your life and let it go.
Did This Post Bring You Joy?
I really hope you’ve enjoyed this. It’s a post that I’ve wanted to write for a while because this concept is so meaningful and truly special to me. I’d love to hear your thoughts!Please upvote and follow if you’ve found joy here today. ❤️
-Britt, @sharingeverybite
I want to find and read that book now! What a thought-provoking post. I am going to have to get rid of a whole bunch of things pretty soon because I am moving for a while, so I have been in a state of dread about having to part with stuff. Now I will for sure ask myself if my stuff brings me joy, and if not, goodbye! Lol. I like how you applied the concept to other areas of your life, like friendships, jobs, etc. Although not everything will bring you joy, the things that you are able to choose should!
This post did bring me joy, and I admire your joyful personality! 😊
I actually did my home purge right before a move as well! It was SO helpful—each time I put something in the "donate" pile, I reminded myself how much easier the move would be. Less stuff. Less boxes. Less crap to carry! Win! lol
Very well put. :)
Thanks for the thoughtful comment. I checked out your profile and looks like we have lots of similar interests/opinions. Followed and looking forward to reading more of your posts.
I am excited to tackle going through my stuff with a different perspective now!
Thank you so much for the follow! I am excited to read more of your posts, as well. 😊
This was a really great post. It's something I need to consider for myself. We have moved cross country for work 7 times in the past decade, and almost every time we left everything we couldn't fit into our cars behind. When we got to where we were going, we'd want a TV and the choice would be $10,000 to move all of our household to where we were, or $600 to grab a new TV. Then a new couch, a new set of flatware, new dishes... you get the idea.
Anyway, two years ago in Boise we had three storage units from all over the country "catch up" to us and we've since consolidated four households worth of crap into our permanent home in Pennsylvania. I am sooooo bad about sentimentally holding on to things and even guilting my kids into it too. "Oh! Mom-mom gave you that for your third birthday... you don't want to give THAT away do you?" I think after reading your post here, I may download this book on Audible and really try to take it to heart.
I was already following, and I'm glad. Upvoted and resteemed this.
What an incredible amount of times to move! No judgment from me—I've lived in Arizona my entire life and only moved within the state, so I can't even imagine how big of an ordeal a cross-country move would be! Not to mention 7 times!
Glad to hear you got ahead of the "beast." I'm sure that brought a lot of peace in your life. :) And if it makes you feel any better, my mom used to say almost that exact same thing to me lol. It's hard to let go of things with sentimental value, even if they're things someone else owns.
I, too, listented to the book on Audible. You'll love it! Interested to hear if you have any more "aha!" moments after reading it. Thanks for following and resteeming, that means a lot. :) Also, not sure why I wasn't following you before but I am now!
Thanks! I'm finishing some Victorian mystery right now, but I've been feeling the urge to go non-fiction soon. It seems the time has come, and maybe I'll write a bit about the results and tag you as my inspiration ;)
I read a quote from a doctor that said, "get rid of 1/3 of everything you own. Bury your possessions before they bury you." Considering How many times I've moved, I would concur.
That's a great rule! And by the time you get down to that 1/3, there's probably another 50% you could part with. ;)
There are known psychological benefits to keeping thins clean and orderly, so yeah, people, time to wipe those dorito crumbs off that table! =)
Omg Dorito crumbs.. that made me LOL. 🤣
Damn energy thieves. Glad you kicked them out.
Thank you! Me too :)
I've heard of this book... someone mentioned it in passing and felt it was pretty awesome-- never followed up on it. But it sounds like it might be really useful-- thanks for the reminder! We're in the process of downsizing and simplifying... and that definitely needs to include getting rid of some of our "emotional anchors."
Emotional anchors! Great way to put it. :) As @jrhughes and I were discussing above, it's a great one to get on Audible (audio book) if you don't have time to sit down and read the physical copy. I listened to this on my way to and from work for a few days and finished it!
Hope it can help with your downsizing!
This is interesting some of the facts are harsh but logically valid to some extent. I think the real essense can be felt once used. Too much information to grab in one shot so better to note it down and try later. Thanks for taking your time to write in details with example to make people read it in short time. Cheers!!!!
Great article. Many thanks. I admire you for managing to declutter in such a major way. I don't think I would be capable of making such dramatic changes!
I wouldn't sell yourself short. :) It's definitely a challenge, no denying that, but not impossible. Starting is the hardest part! After that, it gets easier and easier.
This energy sucking really does happen.
It is actually visible to some people.
How do you mean?
wow this is something very interesting - for me it's new, but that I really felt like in this life - now I will be careful.
It's harder to declutter when you like all the stuff that you have cluttering up your space... :-)
The challenge of a collector...
https://steemit.com/philosophy/@llange/is-the-dollar-vigilante-wrong-about-the-etymology-of-the-word-government
A comment on someone else's post with your own article (and no other context), then UPVOTING the comment yourself is spam. I have flagged at 1% for this reason.