I live in Israel, a country with a difficult history with its Muslim population to say the least. But I usually, but not always have more problems with fellow Jews. This is probably because I don't antagonize people if I know that they are Muslim. I don't have any close friends who are Muslim because I am concerned about extremist Muslims who might pose as my friend and who might try to hurt me. On the other hand I have far more difficulty with many Jews here who might hurt me directly. In general, I try to respect people the way I want to be respected. That generally seems to work for me. I also don't act "holier than thou" all the time. I am not looking for problems in my life.
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I can relate to how you don't antagonize the outgroup while being concerned about danger posed by ingroup members. I'm from another land but I can tell you that I have a similar experience while growing up.