Emotional scars are the worst. Sounds like you might have received your share of narcissistic personality if I read correctly. I was raised by one and it is seriously difficult to heal from that. It shows up in my every day life in so many ways.
I realised I was suffering from Narcissistic victim syndrome when I was 31 years old and that opened so many doors for recovery. I realised I was not faulty in any way. I was perfect with my scars.
I am linking this amazing article here in case there are people who are wondering what narcissistic victim syndrome is.